I will lose myself in you, and resent you for it.

This is my m.o.

I will be everything you could want and hope for me to be, and still be anxious that I'm not doing enough. You will love me -- how could you not? I am all you could have dreamed of, and dying to be more. I am your helpmate, your partner, your backup, your #1 cheerleader, your biggest fan. I am your perfect complement, your soulmate. Ang kabiyak ng iyong puso. The other half of your heart.

And then years of mirroring and balancing you -- propping you up, really -- take their toll. I begin to feel hollow, empty. I mean everything to you and nothing to myself, nothing that really matters, anyway. It makes me sick.

I find myself on the first flight home.

~*~*~*

I hate "Runaway Bride". It hits too close to home. There was a Julia Roberts marathon on TV last weekend, and it got me thinking about that movie.

~*~*~*

When I fall in love with someone new -- whether as a friend or romantic interest -- I immerse myself completely in the other: likes/dislikes, interests, hopes and dreams. But now that I think about it, if someone were to do the same for me, there would be nothing there. None of my so-called interests define me -- all were copied from someone else.

I really, truly, do not exist.

home alone

I am alone in the apartment with nothing but my thoughts, and the more I think the more I'm getting annoyed, then frustrated, then sad. If I'm unhappy, why am I the one who has to change? And why is it that whether I stay or go, the resolution is the same? I need to change, I need to be stronger, I need to be less needy and more independent.

Yes, I know, I need to be anyway.

But I miss the time when just being me was enough.

Kind stranger, whoever you are, I thank you.

I would guess you are in your late forties, early fifties. You seem a kindly, amiable man. You had just picked up the payphone by layaway, and were beginning to dial when I walked by. You nodded and smiled, and I returned your smile quietly. Maybe it was because I did so sadly -- I don't know. But you did a double-take, took a look at my name badge, and exclaimed, "Farah! You are gorgeous!"

I could not help but giggle and smile broadly, in embarrassment. Because you paid me a compliment I may not have deserved but certainly needed that day.

It's been an emotional week.

Things are still tenuous. I don't know where or what I'll be next year. I can only hope to be a better, stronger person for it.

I Am An Illusion

I Am An Illusion lyrics
Rob Thomas
Something to Be

Take this confusion
Runnin' round my head
Take back my unkind words
Lay that weight on me instead
I'm the place where everything turns sour
Where you gonna run to now

Wrong step
You got off track
We need someone to help us get back now
Worn thin
Awful state I was in
I believe I was losing me now I'm found
I am found

I'm not real anymore
I am an illusion
I'm not real anymore
I am an illusion

I am the damage
I am the relief
Sometimes I'm people
I never hoped that I would be
If I take in whatever they turn out
Then what's that gonna make me now
Don't you understand

I'm not real anymore
I am an illusion
Hell, I'm not real anymore
I am an illusion, ah yeah

Wrong step
You got off track
We need someone to help us get back now
Worn thin
Awful state I was in
I believe they were foolin' me
Now I'm down
Well, I am down

But I'm not real anymore
I am an illusion
Hell, I'm not real anymore
I am an illusion

Hell, I'm not real anymore
I am an illusion
God help me I'm not real anymore
Hell, I am an illusion
One, two, three, four

I am sick and tired of people telling me how I feel.

As things are, I will never be an actress. People read my facial expressions differently than I project, and sometimes entirely differently than I feel.

A coworker scared me one time, and everybody who was there said I looked PISSED. OFF. In truth, I was embarrassed and surprised and frightened -- mortified, really -- but none of it showed.

Saturday I was tired (six-day workweek, and Patrick and I had been up till early that morning talking and, uh... talking) , and the girls teased me all day that I was lonesome. Around lunchtime Luz finally caved and told me, "I know you miss your friends, and things aren't the same between us anymore, but if that's what you want, it's okay: I just want to see you happy." WTF.

And the worst thing about it is that the truth doesn't work, and even if people ask and you answer and explain, they still believe what they thought all along.

Tonight I was disappointed and angry, yes. But he said I looked hateful and my glare said "Fuck you." I can't say why things have been so damn prickly lately. I don't mean to cut him down.

I don't know if people give me too much credit, or not enough, but I do feel that no one really knows me.

The universe is trying to tell me something.

These are my Dove chocolate fortunes for the day:

Be fearless.

Go against the grain.

Follow your instincts.

Live your dreams.

I WANNNNNNNTTTTT....

Carlos by Carlos Santana Exude, $99.95 at OnlineShoes.com

this is not how i planned on spending my weekend.

I was supposed to get my birthday celebration with the hubby. I was supposed to be wined and dined by candlelight -- or other soft, complexion-kind romantic lighting -- with red roses and rich chocolates and i-love-yous and lingering kisses. I was supposed to get an operatic serenade at the Macaroni Grill, watch an endearing animated movie and buy new shoes.

Instead I've done dishes, laundry and various household chores; paid library fines; and whiled away the hours at the computer. Just like any other weekend.

I've been refilling the Vicks Vaporizer to try to keep his secretions thin, made inumerable teas and soups, and watched "Over the Hedge" (again) and "Superman Returns" (for the first time) on DVD. Brandon Routh is a cutie.

Dean was dropped off at 4:30 for an hour's babysitting while the in-laws went shopping. A library trip, several bowls of ramen noodles, a few rounds of "Halo 2" and one LAN game of "Warcraft III: Frozen Throne" later, the boys are watching "Over the Hedge" while I prepare dinner: miso soup and homestyle beef and rice.

He is sorry. As he reads over the entry I am typing out he apologizes for being sick, for needing care and putting a damper on our plans. I have one small consolation: I am the reigning Queen of the Frozen Throne.

There are so many things I want to say but can't, but mostly it's that
you who make me so tremendously happy can also make me
so overwhelmingly sad.

~*~*~*

Last Beautiful Girl

Last Beautiful Girl lyrics
Matchbox Twenty
Mad Season

This will all fall down like everything else that was
This too shall pass and all of the words we said
We can't take back

Now, every fool in town woulda left by now
I can't replace all of the wasted days
The memory of your face
I can't help thinkin'

Maybe if we ever coulda kept it all together
Where would we be
A thousand lost forevers
And the promises you never were givin' me
Here's what I'm thinkin'

Won't be the first heart that you break
Wont be the last beautiful girl
The one that you wrecked won't take you back
If you were the last beautiful girl in the world
(Last beautiful girl, ahh)

So tell me one more time
How you're sorry about the way
This all went down
You needed to find your space
You needed to still be friends
You needed me to

Call you if I ever
Couldn't keep it all together
You'd comfort me (she'll comfort me)
You tell me 'bout forever
And the promises I never should have believed
Here's what I'm thinkin'

Won't be the first heart that you break
Wont be the last beautiful girl
The one that you wrecked won't take you back
If you were the last beautiful girl in the world
(Last beautiful girl)
The last beautiful girl in the world
(Last beautiful girl)

Its over now and I've gone without
'Cause you're everyone else's girl
It seems to me you'll always be
Everyone else's girl
You're everyone else's girl

This will all fall down
Like everything in the world
This too must end
And all of the words we said
We can't take back and

It won't be the first heart that you break
You wont be the last beautiful girl
The one that you wrecked won't take you back
If you were the last beautiful girl

It won't be the first heart that you break
You wont be the last beautiful girl
The one that you wrecked won't take you back
If you were the last beautiful girl in the world
(Last beautiful girl)

The last beautiful girl in the world (Last beautiful girl)
You are the last beautiful girl in the world (Last beautiful girl)
Beautiful girl

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.

That's just the way it is.

My birthday evening post was a denial of sorts: an attempt to cling to whatever good feeling the day had brought before it all came crashing down. Friends made my day; family not so much. It didn't even occur to me till Luz asked me about it, that my mom hadn't called. Anyway.

On Thursday the girls dressed up for me: polished corporate instead of the usual business casual. We went to Panda Express for lunch, where I showed off my mad chopsticks skillz, introduced them to tofu, half-and-half chow mein/rice plates, sweet and sour pork, Chinese chili sauce and the always-popular orange chicken. They later bought me a chocolate cake and had it iced "Happy Birthday, Farah" so they could dunk my face in it and take pictures.

I got a single red rose, a Hershey's candy bar and a Dr. Thunder; and everyone who could make my day was attentive and sweet. Save one.

I stayed to help unload the truck. I had a blast because I was among friends and the interactions were... lively, to say the least. Everyone else left by 5:45. Patrick was supposed to get off work at 5:30, and travel time is less then ten minutes, so I scanned labels till 6, then finally called him.

"Where are you?"
"Oh, I'm at the car wash."
"Alright, I'll get my things. Why didn't you tell me you were on your way?"
"Because I was going to buy you roses."
"Okay."

We met up by the Xboxes and he pointed out the games he wanted to get. I got some groceries and he headed to the wine section and brought back a Martini and Rossi Asti. "Is this okay?"

Perplexed, I replied that I'd had a good Asti and a bad one, so apparently there are differences I'm unaware of (the difference between a Brut and whatever else there might be, maybe?) He told me to go ahead and get the flowers I wanted since he doesn't know how to pick out roses, and he went back and got a Riesling. "I tried this on Thanksgiving at my parents' house, so I know it's good."

We got home, I heated up some leftovers, which he ate while I walked the dog. When we got back he was at the computer, putting together a scrim*. He quit his CAL (Cyberathlete Amateur League) team this week and is putting together one of his own. They were supposed to scrim the other day but not enough people showed up. They finally got one going last night and he was on the computer for a few hours. It went well, he was exuberant, and I hated to bring him down from his high but by 10:30 I'd seen my birthday night go by like any other weekday night.

I clipped the stem ends of the rose bouquet I'd requested last weekend and picked out for myself that night, rearranging them into two milk bottles. I left half a dozen on display on the kitchen counter, viewable from any part of the apartment. The other six red roses sit prettily at my desk, and in the background are the seashell glasses. I've filled two of the seashell glasses with water. One holds a pink carnation, the other a lone rosebud.

I curled up on the carpet next to his computer seat. He was posting the scrim's highlights when I lay my head on his lap and asked if we could talk. He finished up and asked what I wanted to talk about.

"What happened to my birthday?"
"What do you mean?"
"You ate dinner alone, then I ate dinner alone, we were just at our computers, and then I even had to eat my birthday cake by myself."
"We're celebrating this weekend, remember?"

~*~*~*

My mom called me today, apparently they had some new tenants who moved in sooner than she'd anticipated and she was installing window treatments yesterday. Luz brought the gift she's forgotten yesterday, a burgundy cami just like Blanca's which I admired last month, I think.

~*~*~*

From Wikipedia:

"Scrim is also a term frequently used in the world of online gaming (short for Scrimmage). Players use it as a term to mean competition between teams, which are usually made up of organized clans. A scrim is like a match, except not as serious (sometimes just for fun), scores are usually not recorded, and they can be organized spontaneously if enough players are available from each team. The number of players and maybe even teams vary by the game played and the available team members."

Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scrim"

28 looks hopeful.

it's been a long day,
with ups and downs and so much going on, but
all-in-all
it was a good birthday.

It actually is 3 a.m.

I realize it seems like I'm complaining, but I'm really not. I'm just telling it like it is.

I woke up to Cocoa fussing and whining, and Patrick coughing and repeatedly trying to clear his throat. Apparently when I'd asked Patrick last night if it was okay if I slept and would he please walk the dog, he thought I'd said what I always do: that Cocoa's been fed and walked and I was going to bed.

They've both been tended to and have quieted down. Patrick caught a cold or something from the guys at work. He called in yesterday because he'd lost his voice and wouldn't be able to make any calls. Since then he's been living on soups and teas and Tylenol Cold & Sinus and Chloraseptic lozenges. I made hot lemonade and hardboiled eggs as a postmidnight snack, and he took some Vicks 44.

There's no party, but if there were, these would be the shoes for it:


Ribbon Tie Peep Toe Shoe, £50 at Topshop

Happy birthday to me.

3 a.m.

3 a.m. lyrics
Matchbox Twenty
Yourself or Someone Like You

She said it's cold outside and she has no raincoat
She's always worried about things like that
She said it's all gonna end and it might as well be my fault
And she only sleeps when it's rainin'
And she screams and her voice is strainin'

She says baby
It's 3 a.m. I must be lonely
When she says baby
Well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes
And the rain's gonna wash away I believe it

She's got a little bit of somethin'
God, it's better than nothin'
And in her color-portrait world
She believes that she's got it all
She swears the moon don't hang
Quite as high as it used to
And she only sleeps when it's rainin'
And she screams and her voice is strainin'

She says baby
When it's 3 a.m. I must be lonely
When heaven she says baby
Well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes
Says the rain's gonna wash away I believe this

She believes that life isn't made up of all that you're used to
And the clock on the wall
Has been stuck at three for days, and days
She thinks that happiness is a mat that sits on her doorway
But outside it's stopped rainin'

Yeah but she says baby
When it's 3 a.m. I must be lonely
When heaven she says baby
Well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes
Says the rain's gonna wash away I believe this

When it's 3 a.m. I must be lonely
When heaven she says baby
Well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes

I wanna be Dita Von Teese when I grow up

Except for the whole "marrying shock rocker Marilyn Manson" bit. Truth be told, the ebony waves I sport are a nod to the burlesque goddess. She is classy and confident, gorgeous and voluptuous, alluring yet demure -- a captivating performer who makes grown men yip and trill. Not to mention her fabulous lingerie and footwear.


Martini glass routine (not for gentle eyes)

Yes, Cameron in the glass in "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle" is an homage of sorts.

AskMen.com feature
Wiki article

Soul

Soul lyrics
Matchbox Twenty
More Than You Think You Are

Hang out my window and over your head
Stare at your feelings to see where they end
You're waitin' here for someone else to break you from the inside
You've been so composed

We all know there's always somethin' tearin' you apart
It's always so much longer than you counted on
And it hits you so much harder than you thought
But you don't worry, you don't worry
'Cause you've got soul

You're so heavy, you're so misunderstood
And I spent all my wishes wishing times were good
When I still could
Wait around here for someone else to take me past the good side
You've been here so long now

We all know there's always somethin' tearin' you apart
It's always so much longer than you counted on
And it hits you so much harder than you thought
But you don't worry, you don't worry
Cause darlin', you've got so much soul
Darlin', you've got so much soul

There's always somethin' tearin' you apart
It's always so much longer than you counted on
And it hits you so much harder than you thought
(Than you ever thought it would)
But you don't worry, you don't worry
You don't worry, and you dont worry
you don't worry, you don't worry
'Cause you've got soul

Cold

Cold lyrics
Matchbox Twenty
More Than You Think You Are

I will do without
The spaces in-between
If you can tell me now
What it means to be

You have been found out
I have been deceived
By the one that I need

Tell me why you gotta be so cold
How'd you get so high
Why you're keeping me low
You don't know, you don't know
Tell me how we're gonna make it last
You're ready to fly
I'm ready to crash
Don't go, don't go, no

You will go without
The better part of me
There will be no doubt
What this all could mean
You will be found out
I can not believe
In the one that I need

Tell me why you gotta be so cold
How'd you get so high
Why you're keeping me low
You don't know, you don't know
Tell me how we're gonna make it last
You're ready to fly
I'm ready to crash
Don't go, don't go away

Tell me why you gotta be so cold
How'd you get so high
Why you're keeping me low
You don't know, you don't know, you don't know
Tell me how we're gonna make it last
You're ready to fly
I'm ready to crash
Don't go
Yeah, don't go

Tell me why you gotta be so cold
Tell me anything about you I don't know
I don't know by now, know by now
Tell me how were gonna make it last
You're ready to fly
I'm ready to crash
Don't go
Yeah, don't go

Unwell

Unwell lyrics
Matchbox Twenty
More Than You Think You Are

All day starin' at the ceilin'
Makin' friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearin' voices tellin' me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for somethin'

Hold on
Feelin' like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Me

I'm talkin' to myself in public
And dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talkin' 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be somethin' wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinkin'
Somehow I've lost my mind

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I've been talkin' in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're takin' me away

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
me

Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be (I'm just a little unwell)
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell

the wake of Typhoon Durian

Via Yahoo News:
Philippines declares state of calamity after mudslide tragedy
Red Cross: Asia storm toll may hit 1,000

Via CNN.com:
Typhoon death toll may be 'thousands'

Typhoon Durian is the fourth typhoon to hit the Philippines in the past three months. One more is expected before the year's end. Albay, the province hit the hardest, is right next door to my hometown of Iriga City.



Photo from Wikipedia article on Iriga City

My thanks goes out to the governments of Canada, Japan, and the United States, as well as to Netherlands Red Cross for pledging funds to aid relief efforts.

I couldn't help but notice that the funeral home in one of the CNN videos is dedicated to Nuestra Señora de Salvacion: the Virgin Mary, "Our Lady of Salvation". God, You know I don't pray. But this once, "Your will be done" doesn't quite cut it. In case You simply forgot, please remember us in that little corner of the world.

Hand Me Down

Hand Me Down lyrics
Matchbox Twenty
Mora Than You Think You Are

Someday they'll find your small-town world on a big-town avenue
Gonna make you like the way they talk when they're talkin' to you
Gonna make you break out of your shell 'cause they tell you to
Gonna make you like the way they lie better than the truth
They'll tell you everything you wanted someone else to say
They're gonna break your heart, yeah

From what I've seen
You're just one more hand-me-down
'Cause no one's tried to give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now

Somebody oughta take you in
Try to make you love again
Try to make you like the way they feel
When they're under your skin
Never once do you think they'd lie when they're holdin' you
You wonder why they haven't called
When they said they'd call you
You start to wonder if you're ever gonna make it by
You'll start to think you were born blind

From what I've seen
You're just one more hand-me-down
'Cause no one's tried to give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now

I'm here for the hard times
The straight-to-your-heart times
When livin' ain't easy
You can stand up against me
And maybe rely on me
And cry on me, yeah
Oh no, no, no

Some day they'll open up your world
Shake it down on the drawing board
Do their best to change you
They still can't erase you

From what I've seen
You're just one more hand-me-down
'Cause no one's tried to give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now

Lay them down on me, ah yeah
You're just one more hand-me-down
And all those nights don't give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
On me (On me)

Turning 28, and still a n00b

If you feel compelled to speak up because someone told you "If you were *really* her friend you'd...", here's a thought: Don't bother. The fact that you had to be told means you really aren't anymore. You're simply trying to cover your own, and not fooling anyone.

~*~*~*

"You start to wonder if you're ever gonna make it by
You'll start to think you were born blind"
~ Hand Me Down, Matchbox Twenty (More Than You Think You Are)

Stop

Stop lyrics
Matchbox 20
Mad Season

Yes, it's true that I believe
I'm weaker than I used to be
I wear my heart out on my sleeve
Oh, and I forget the rest of me

Yes, there's times I've been afraid
And there's no harm in that I pray
'Cause I'm more frightened every day
Someone will take the hope I have away

But you gotta give it up
To get off sometimes
You gotta give it up
To get off sometimes
You gotta give it up
To get off sometimes, I know

You gotta give it up
To get off sometimes
You gotta give it up
To get off sometimes
You gotta give it up
To get off sometimes, I know

All the times I've given in (one by one I)
You fit me like a second skin (one by one I)
One by one I will begin
To wear you on the days I'm feeling thin

But you gotta give it up
To get off sometimes
You gotta give it up
To get off sometimes
You gotta give it up
To get off sometimes I know

Hey, you gotta give it up
To get off sometimes
You gotta give it up
To get off sometimes
You gotta give it up
To get off sometimes I know

You better stop, stop, stop
Usin' me up
You better stop
"Cause I've had enough
And I'm ready to forget the reasons
Keep me here

Walk in the rain
You will even if you're never gonna change
Good god, need a little love while
You find what you think you're gonna be, child

Now you better stop, stop, stop
Usin' me up
You better stop
'Cause I've had enough
And I'm ready to forget the reasons, oh the reasons
Keepin' me here

(You find what you're gonna be, child)

it's icy out.

Snow flurries blinded me as I left the store yesterday. It's not so bad today, though the apartment complex's freeze warning signs are still out, advising that we leave our faucets dripping to prevent the pipes from bursting. The store was abuzz with tales of a coworker's accident yesterday. Apparently she and her little dog Lucky made the local news when she swerved to avoid an accident, skidded on black ice, drove off the road and into a pond.

December already. Another month, another year, another milestone. If you don't like seeing me sad, invest in blinders. Sad is where i live. I've just been away for a while. Why else is my music collection mostly sad love songs?

Oh, Rob. You know the truth so well, and you speak it so plainly. These are the lyrics that echo in my head:

"I'm not sayin' there wasn't nothing wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me"
- Leave

"They're only what they think of you."
- Problem Girl

I like the line "You're hell on wheels in a black dress" (Disease), even though the imagery is off, like a goth roller derby chick.

It's 2 a.m., and I sit at my computer desk in a pink terry cloth bathrobe and pink flannel Tweety sleep pants, with Campbell's Chunky Chicken Noodle Soup, a cup of green tea and Lay's potato chips. Patrick is drunk on vodka. Booze makes him a more efficient CSS player: numbed to the danger, inured to the kill, and intent on accomplishing the mission. He seems a natural-born killer. Being a Navy brat, I don't really want him to go into the service and put us through the strain of a married military life, but I've told him before that if something were to happen to me, he should probably enlist.

He's asked me what I want for my birthday. I've settled on red roses, chocolates, and dinner and an operatic birthday serenade at Macaroni Grill. He'll probably do the first two the day of, and the rest next weekend. I want Harry and David's Tower of Chocolates Collection: it seems to be the cheapest way to get the chocolate-covered cherries and Moose Munch popcorn that I love. And of course the chocolate mints and truffles are a welcome bonus.



Tower of Chocolates® Collection, $36.95 at Harry and David

Leave

Leave lyrics
Matchbox 20
Mad Season

It's amazing
How you make your face just like a wall
How you take your heart and turn it off
How I turn my head and lose it all

It's unnerving
How just one move puts me by myself
There you go just trustin' someone else
Now I know I put us both through hell

I'm not sayin' there wasn't nothing wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me
I'm not sayin' we ever had the right to hold on
I just didn't wanna let it get away from me

But if that's how it's gonna leave
Straight out from underneath
Then we'll see who's sorry now
If that's how it's gonna stand, when
You know you've been dependin' on
The one you're leavin' now
The one you're leavin' out

It's aggravatin'
How you threw me on and you tore me out
How your good intentions turn to doubt
The way you needed time to sort it out

And I'm not sayin' there wasn't nothin' wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me
And I'm not sayin' we ever had the right to hold on
I just didn't wanna let it get away from me

But if that's how it's gonna leave
Straight out from underneath
Then we'll see who's sorry now
If that's how it's gonna stand, when
You know you've been dependin' on
The one you're leavin' now
The one you're leavin' out

The one you're leavin' out
The one you're leavin' now, now, no, no
The one you're leavin' out

I'm not sayin' there wasn't nothin' wrong
I didn't think you'd ever get tired of me

But if that's how it's gonna leave
Straight out from underneath
Then we'll see who's sorry now
If that's how it's gonna stand, when
You know you've been dependin' on
The one you're leaving now, now, hell well

Tell me is that how it's going to end
When you know you've been dependin' on
The one you're leavin' now
And the one you're leavin' out
I'm the one you're leavin' now
The one you're leavin' out

aishwarya rai

Miss World 1994

Official site
All-Pictures-Photos Gallery
Wiki article



Ugly dots my foot. Isn't she gorgeous?