disappointments

I'd forgotten how quickly gossip spreads and convolutes itself at work.

I casually mentioned to a few coworkers that I'd given serious consideration to auditioning for American Idol this year, since I'm now 28 and this would be my last chance to try out. The current talk is that I'd auditioned last year for the show airing next year (?) and that I'm under some sort of contractual obligation not to discuss what had happened, but I'd actually already met Paula and Randy and Simon.

Anyway.

I'm planning on taking lessons at the Septien Center for Artist Training, using my forthcoming bonus towards tuition. I called last Friday and learned that I'd missed the window for enrollment for the current session, which began today. I wasn't prepared to start so soon, but I kinda feel I got left behind. The next class starts in April.

I have doubts. And Patrick is not so much supportive as merely accommodating, stepping aside to make way for these tentative steps when a (morale) boost would have been more to the point.

I dunno. I don't know I don't know I don't know .

In other news I lost another friend. It was a long time coming, and it's been over for a month now, I guess. Or has it been two? Almost. She exited gracefully stage left, assuring me that she'd already taken her breaks and lunches long before I needed to go, and explaining that she needed to be elsewhere running errands and such. How Texan.

I worry that the primary barriers to my happiness are my inability to identify and ask for the things I want, and my reluctance to fight for such things.