hindsight

I still don't know what I did wrong. Not really. A girl in green face paint and witch getup made it through, as did a manly man in a black wig and full makeup. Maybe I should have gone as Wonder Woman.

I realize I wasn't the best singer there. Scores of more talented people were passed up. Still, I'd hoped I'd had some sort of je ne sais quoi that would set me apart. I so thought I had it. Mr. Unknown Judge kept looking at me while I was in line, and nodded with what I thought was approval as I sang. In hindsight it may have been more like "Yes, yes get on with it" so he could dismiss my entire row.

I wish I'd gotten some kind of feedback. But I didn't want to be another one of those Idol rejects: desperate and/or completely oblivious to my lack of talent. Of which I'm neither. There are other avenues, they just involve more time and money.

Linda Septien says that it helps to play opposite the judge: if they seem extroverted, play demure; if they seem shy, be confident. I still believe that if you can figure out your judge and what he/she is looking for then you'll definitely make it through to the next round. I just couldn't read him. He was really quiet, almost whispering directions, and asked one girl in the group before mine not to sing so loudly because he was right in front of her and could hear her just fine. Then he let her start over, and finish her piece. He had one girl from that group stay and sing another song, after which the lady he was with thanked her and told her she had a nice voice, but it was perhaps a little too sweet and not right for the show right now, but that she should definitely try again next year and it might be what they're looking for. Then Ms. Judge Lady left.

And so I stepped up with Mariah's "Someday" and mustered up all the attitude I could in spite of my nervousness. I'd been waiting for hours in the 95-degree heat and I'd be damned if I'd go down without a fight. And then he motioned us all forward, lifted his clipboard and gestured to a note that said "I lost my voice." Thank you but no. Sht.

Still, I forgive you, Mr. Unknown Judge. Not just because you'd lost your voice or because you kept glancing my way (thanks a lot for the false hope, btw) but also because you kinda sorta look like Rob Thomas.

And so the only thing to do is keep on trucking, keep at my music and maybe someday write songs that other Idol wannabes will be singing at the auditions and maybe even on the show.