I cried myself to sleep last night. Finally mustered up the courage to tell a friend that Patrick and I are divorced. She asked me what I want to do.

(I've been so overwhelmingly sad. I just realized Saturday would have been our tenth anniversary. So many restaurants have been sending cheery emails, congratulating us on the happy day, enjoining us to celebrate with them. I want to check into a motel somewhere and swallow a bullet.)

I told her I don't know.

I don't want to feel this way. I'm tired of being sad, and I know everyone's probably tired of and bored with it too. I want to be strong and resilient and bulletproof and above-it-all. I feel like such a failure.

I tell myself I just need to get through this week, and I will be alright.