Cocoa goes to the vet

Cocoa's had an ear infection for the past few weeks. It sounds worse than it is. Mostly she's just been flapping her ears and scratching at them. We've been treating her ourselves here at home but since the problem hasn't resolved itself we finally brought her in to the vet. For the first time since we adopted her.

We lined the backseat of the car with our old airbed, and kept the windows closed so she wouldn't try to hang her head out the window. Previous experience has taught us that when she does this she will also place her paws on the windowsill, scratching the paint through the clearcoat.

She was exceedingly well-behaved throughout the visit, whimpering slightly only when the doctor's otoscope probed a little too deeply into her infected ear. For the most part she was friendly, curious and agreeable. We learned that she:

- weighs 68 lbs.
- has an ear infection.
- does not have heartworm, or any other worms for that matter.
- isn't particularly photogenic.
- needs her ears cleaned daily till the infection-related excess wax production stops, then 2 to 3 times weekly thereafter.
- just needs a newfangled drinking water additive to keep her teeth clean and plaque-free.

$261 for shots, checkup, treatment and 4 meds. And a doggie treat.

blow-my-brains-out bored

That slightly uneasy, back-of-the-head feeling that I might be a little left of sane
is back and I leapfrog from one thing to the next: my
self-help books on finance, artistic recovery, life lessons; my
haphazard music collection -- R & B, rock, classical music, various soundtracks;
TV, internet, radio, magazines... There is

no hope in sight. Brick walls
at every turn. No
driver's license. No
car of my own. No
money in the bank. No
bank approval. No
credentials, no
training, no
experience. No
clue, really. And
is it me, or
does everybody cuss now?

Frenetic. Desperate. Exhausted. Indifferent. Discouraged.
And still waiting.

need a backpack?

Yoda Plush Backpack, $39.99 at Think Geek

Via PopGadget.

This was just LOL funny.

Target.com has my costume back in stock!

It should arrive sometime next week.



Adult Deluxe Wonder Woman Costume

Two points:

1. Yes, I am well aware I lack "Wonder Woman" proportions. I don't care. I've always wanted to be her and, by Hera, I will be Diana of Themyscira this Halloween.
2. No, the Wonder Woman we've known and loved didn't wear a skirt. But there is no way in Hades I am showing up for work in star-spangled, belted granny panties.

Now all I need is a flesh-colored tank or leotard so I don't need to go bare-shouldered. I wonder if my tan tee will do.

patrick qualified for the local amateur league team!

Cyberathlete Amateur League

And to think, he's only been playing CounterStrike for the past six months. Fabulous.

red shoes on my mind

I've decided I want to be either Dorothy or Wonder Woman for Halloween, so I have an excuse to wear red shoes. Spent a good deal of time browsing for something appropriate. No lookalikes yet for the ruby slippers, but if I could blow $500 on Halloween accessories, my money would be on these babies:


Casadei 2743 (Sangria)
$542.95 from $1082.95 thru Friday, 9/22.

~*~*~*

I also like:


Jimmy Choo Suede Open-Toe Pump
$650.00 at Bergdorf's
Suede and snakeskin in a luxe ruby red. What's not to love?


~*~*~*

Etro Open Toe Bow
$498.95 at Zappos

~*~*~*


RSVP Zoe
$99.95 at Zappos
Every girl deserves romantic red roses.

~*~*~*


Bruno Maglie Maille
$144.99 from $289.99 at Shoes.com
I like the contrast of bordeaux suede against beige patent trim.

~*~*~*


Caligarius Alanda
$144.99 from $322.99 at Shoes.com
One day these shall replace my Rampage D'Orsays.

~*~*~*


baby phat I Love BP Canvas
$85.95 from $88.95 at Zappos.com
i know, I know, I'm sorry. I think these are fabulously trashy.
~*~*~*


Nine West Glorielle
$79.95 from $82.95, Zappos.com
Seriously sexy red patent strappiness.

~*~*~*

Okay, so maybe the Baby Phats aren't all that bad.



Pleaser USA Romance 04
$33.95 at Zappos.com

Red marabou. Lucite heel. A manufacturer called "Pleaser USA". You know what they're for. Happily, they're only $33.95, you'll only have to wear them for a minute, and this pair guarantees he'll be willing to overlook at least two dozen shoes in your burgeoning shoe collection.

tapped out

Sometimes things get a little tight, push comes to shove and it is necessary that you switch to survival mode: focus on the task at hand, block out everything else and concentrate on getting by. But if you stay too long in top gear you find you no longer know how to downshift. Having put all your energy into surviving, you find you no longer know how to live -- you merely exist. And by "you", I am of course referring to me.

Everything is shades of gray again. If it weren't for the dog I need to walk, I would not see the light of day, nor breathe fresh air. Former interests have taken a dull hue. I'm still ranked #1 in my trading game, I like a few new shoes on Zappos, and -- on friends' recommendations -- I'm currently exploring the musical works of Rob Thomas and Luther Vandross. The iPod has reordered my downloads in such a way that MatchBox 20's "Back 2 Good" (sic) is followed by Uncle Kracker's "Follow Me", which feels a bit schizophrenic.

The "Kill Bill" series, which Patrick and I never caught, is on TV this weekend. I'm also holding "V for Vendetta" and "Full Metal Jacket" from Netflix.

inventory in two days.

i've purposely avoided mentioning work, if only to feel that I've escaped it completely once i clock out and go home. I never really do, of course. Been dog-tired lately. I just want it to be thursday.

last week i took a poll,

the sole question being: "What are the top three things I do well?"

Survey says:
1. Dress.
2. Talk.
3. Sing.

In that order.

I must say I was surprised. First mention was almost always fashion-related (dress, walk, shop), followed by social skills (carry conversation, laugh, keep an open-mind, sense of humor, pleasant attitude).

The purpose of the sampling was to figure what else I might be doing. Not surprisingly, not one person mentioned retail or sales. Taking the top two response groupings, I would have to say that such a person would probably do well in fashion- or broadcast-related fields. Which is so not me. I think.

I would have answered:
1. Write.
2. Sing.
3. PA's (scripted)

secret sorrows of a PC widow

i haven't done any real gaming in months.

in that time Patrick has taken up CounterStrike, qualifying for and ascending to the top rankings of a local clan. This past week he's begun "scrimming", i.e., clan-versus-clan shootouts. Last night he didn't go to bed till 5 a.m., then slept till noon.

I just got up from a nap and realized that what's supposed to have been "my" day went to the computers: him with his gaming, me with my music. I recorded "I Don't Know How to Love Him", from "Jesus Christ Superstar", but for some reason I can't upload my audio files to my media blog. Spent the rest of the day listening to a lot of Luther Vandross, of which "Dance With My Father" and "Buy Me a Rose" almost brought me to tears.

It occurs to me now that my music is his gaming: something we live and breathe though we do not profit by it, nor seek to explore it in a professional capacity. Yet as much time as we've spent at these things -- our whole lives, really -- we are no closer to happy, fulfilled lives that embrace our interests.

Luther fulfills my need for a serenader, but I eventually worked my way to my classical/classical-crossover collection: Charlotte Church's smiling notes (ok so she doesn't exactly ring clearly, but the songs hint at it), Josh Groban's vibrant baritone, and of course the Three Tenors' rousing "O sole mio".

I'd heard Josh Groban's "All’improvviso amore" (Closer, 2003) and wasn't particularly impressed. But I came across this translation and found the lyrics to be sheer poetry:

Love, unexpectedly

The wind blows softly
This night changes my destiny
I know that my heart will be surprised again

Life holds more meaning for me now
If I look at this immense sky,
The moon
Will be
Illuminated with my love…

Unexpectedly, love,
Like the sea,
Floods my heart and soul
And it will save me
As naturally as breathing does
With each breath I take I speak of you

Now, everything has changed
I breathe of you in the universe
Your eyes light up the darkness

Suddenly, love,
Like the sea,
Fills my heart and soul
And it will save me
As naturally as breathing does
For it will be true love
That heals the heart
And give me light within

Music: David Foster and Paul Schwartz
Lyrics: Frank Musker and Kaballa
English translation: Pristine Ong and Germane Ong
Snagged from the "Just Josh Groban" website.

What Fall Shoe Should You Wear?

You Should Wear Animal Print Shoes

You have a brash personality, and you aren't afraid to wear something outrageous. You're the exact personality designers design for - so enjoy yourself!

What Fall Shoe Should You Wear?

~*~*~*

Me, brash? Ha. This of course refers to my deviant shoe personality, which does not always reflect my temperament. Sometimes they contradict, because I'm trying to be ironic or because I'd hoped to pull myself out of a funk with a fun pair of shoes. Or sometimes my shoes say more than I feel, because I'd chosen them early in the morning, before I'd really had a good bead on my day.

Re: the previous post-

It's one of those things i know but constantly forget: i.e., that too many people choose to say stupid things rather than say nothing at all.

"You're all dressed up today."

"I dress up every day."

"True. You wanna know what I think? I think you're looking for a boyfriend."

If I were feeling saucy, or if perhaps the backhanded compliment were issued by a friend, I might have asked if he knew anyone who fit the bill. As it was, I replied matter-of-factly, "I already have a boyfriend. Who also happens to be my husband, which works out really well, since everything's legal."

But the thought echoes and rankles: I look like I'm looking for a man. I find now that the thought needlessly colors comments coworkers have made to me in the past about my husband, my clothes, my shoes.

You know what though? I am no hussy. I can count on one hand the number of people I really talk to at work. I don't see or talk to any of them after work or on my days off. I don't do plunging necklines, sheer fabrics or slits up to my tonsils. If I wear skirts and dresses instead of jeans and sneakers, it's because I don't feel that athletic shoes are appropriate anywhere other than the track and other sporting venues, and feminine clothes flatter heels better. Big hairy deal.

down in the dumps

I am depressed today, and not lifting myself out of it. A few people disappointed me today (for differing reasons), someone noticed I'd gained weight, Patrick asked when I'm going to start back on my diet, Kristin asked me to leave 2 hours early tomorrow, and a number of different comments throughout the day have me feeling stupid, foolish, and really, really small.

Today being payday, I bought the Payless Intellect pumps (click link twice to view) in both colors. They are fabulous - so much prettier in person because the website pics don't really do the patent leather justice. Less than $30 for two during the BOGO 1/2-off sale now thru Sept. 5th.

I want a cigarette.

much ado about nothing

i.e., the final word on a non-incident that both parties agree really wasn't worth it.

I flew off the handle today, telling off a co-worker over something as simple as a portable printer. It was, I am told, completely out of character. In hindsight, I must agree that it was an unnecessary outburst.

Dear reader, I'm sorry if I seem too "Dear Diary" today, but I'd like to vent my frustrations.

Here's how it works: if I value our relationship/day-to-day interaction/what-have-you, and you piss. me. off., I will let you know -- ideally in a constructive way -- so we can begin to repair the damage, or correct the misunderstanding. If, on the other hand the misstep is a deal-breaker, then I chalk it up to experience and move on.

In this instance, what could have been a simple mistake revealed unapologetic deceit later compounded by complete indifference. Which burned the most, really. I mean, if you tell someone, with some disappointment, "I trusted you", in what world is the correct answer "Why did you even bother?"

Serves me right for trying to help you out, asshole.

All this time

(tim james/steve mcclintock)

Originally performed by Tiffany

All this time
I knew someday you'd need to find
Something that you left behind
Something I cant give you

All these tears
And like a light love disappears
But hearts are good for souvenirs
And memories are forever

All this time
All in all I've no regrets
The sun still shines, the sun still sets
And the heart forgives, the heart forgets
But what will I do now with all this time

One more kiss
Even though it's come to this
I'll close my eyes and make a wish
Hoping you remember

All this time
All in all I've no regrets
The sun still shines the sun still sets
The heart forgives, the heart forgets
But what will I do now with all this time

Say goodbye
Apart we'll make another try
But don't be sorry if you cry
Ill be crying too

All this time
All in all I've no regrets
The sun still shines, the sun still sets
And the heart forgives, the heart forgets
But what will I do now with all this time

failure to cope

it just won't stop.

Life goes on, no matter how badly I'm reeling, no matter how much I want the world to stand still.

so wrong and yet-- so utterly fabulous

Guess who's ranked number one out of 8581 in the "Beginners Game for Investing"?

C'est moi! Moi, moi, moi, moi, moi!!!

(insert maniacal laughter)


Today's Return

+49.46%

Total Return

+10,500.43%
Week's Return

+7,020.77%

Total Equity

$10,600,430.71

Cash

$10,828.91
Interest Earned: $21.31

Long Positions: $10,589,601.80

BIKO

Bico Inc
Trade, news, chart, profile, more
Last: 0.000.000.00%
12:00am 12/30/1899
Chart from transaction date 08/04/2006

50,000,000
L
+0.07
$10,500,000.00
$0.21
$0.00
+$10,495,000.00
99.05

I don't even remember where I got the buying tip from. Anyway. What basically happened was that I bought $10,000 of BIKO shares at $ 0.0000002 each or so, and the share price went up to 21 cents, making me a virtual millionaire. Sadly, in this game one can only sell so much of one's stock in one day, and thus I can only cash in $15k. Which is still a 50% return.

As for PRGD, it went up enough for me to offload the lot today. Thank goodness. I've decided to turn my second portfolio (of which PRGD was part) into a long-term buy-and-hold test group, while the first, winning portfolio will be more speculative.

a day beginning and ending with rain

We stopped by the leasing office and renewed our lease for another year. Rent's gone up $5 a month. This morning it rained, the first I've known since the city began observing Stage 3 water restrictions in mid-June. The ten-day weather forecast guesses at future thunderstorms. This drought might finally be over.

Cocoa and I just got back from another walk. We both got a little wet from the drizzle.

I've been trying to "grow" myself these past few weeks. It hasn't been easy. I find I mentally flagellate myself for thoughts that most people would probably consider normal but which I, in my efforts to reprogram my thinking, deem unhelpful, counterproductive and even unworthy.

I know I'm not making much sense.

My eternal quest for self-improvement is rooted mostly in self-hatred, I fear. And that doesn't really mesh very well with the "knowing and accepting oneself" that begins these rescripting and healing processes. It's like the Broadway show: "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change!"

I've lost three pounds somehow; I'm back down to 127. In spite of, or perhaps because of this loss, I pigged out most of today, emptying a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, a bag of Chewy Chips Ahoy, and a big bowl of Neapolitan ice cream. My tummy's as taut as a drum.

Spent most of this week monitoring and tweaking my virtual stock portfolios, of which I now have two. One of them is bleeding money because I made the mistake of putting $10,000 into
Proguard Acquisition Corp (PGRD). It's now trading at $1.80, for a grand total of $7,200 which I can't pull out because this particular "game" has a minimum trade price of $2.00.

The highlight of my holdings has been Collectible Concepts Group, Inc. (CCGI), a company that deals with licensed sports merchandise. I've made $5,ooo off of this gem thus far.

things i neglected to mention this week:

Luz is back! Ten pounds lighter, with poofy lips and long brown hair.
~*~*~*

Patrick got his green card! It's actually a pale yellow, and all the security features, front and back, make it look impressively high-tech.

~*~*~*
Payless has a fantabulous knockoff!

High Street vs. Designer:



Kurt Geiger Bashful, approximately $300





Payless's "Intellect" Patent Round Toe Pump, $17.99

Via Shoewawa.

~*~*~*
You can too make money playing video games!

Big Huge Games is sponsoring a $100,000 tournament for Rise of Nations: Rise of Legends. Open to everyone except countries we don't consider friends (Cuba, Iran, Libya, North Korea, Sudan and Syria). Top dog stands to win $40k.

~*~*~*

And that's all she wrote.

i have a new game

Beginners (sic) Game for Investing

Yes, I know. Somewhere in Texas is a missing apostrophe. Anyway.

Last night I signed up for my own portfolio with MarketWatch's Virtual Stock Exchange, a fabulous way to (virtually) dive headfirst into the wonderful world of day trading. There's no membership fee: you simply create an account and choose a "game" to join. A game is a participant grouping with specified rules (e.g., starting cash of $100k, $10 commission per trade, etc.) and which may or may not have a target demographic such as "students who are currently in college and are interested in learning about investments and the stock market".

Noob that I am, I signed up with the game mentioned above and promptly bought $10k each of eight stocks that I've been eyeing. The games mirror real-life stock market vicissitudes; in the past 24 hours my portfolio has devalued -0.55%, and I am currently ranked 5268 (of 7728). I don't think it's too shabby for a first day. Dollarwise my biggest loser was Palm Inc (PALM), Biovail Corp (BVF) gained the most, and Wal-Mart Stores, Inc. (WMT) was flat. I've since placed two new orders: Allegheny Technologies Inc (ATI) and Nvidia Corp (NVDA).