Saturday, June 23, 2007


I've been depressing myself listening to too many better singers, wondering what I was thinking, why on earth I ever thought I stood a chance of going pro. Noticing too that I have far too many bad vocal habits: pizza, chips, spicy foods, cereal and milk, shrieking in surprise and laughing too loud, grunting and gasping during strenuous activity such as workouts, straining to reach notes, continuing to use my voice when I've gone hoarse...

Marc (or is it Mark?), one of the Remodel Supervisors, is Filipino and from California, from whence all things Flipside are more easily procured. He loaned me over a dozen OPM CDs for the weekend, of which only two did not come with track info. I hate Sarah Geronimo for being 18 and so good: she's like a mix of Regine Velasquez and Celine Dion. She's guilty of being breathy and shrieky depending on the song, but mostly I think her biggest problem is that she is such a copycat singer. Then again, she's only eighteen, and has her entire future ahead of her, while here I am ten years older though not that much wiser.

I've been missing my Define workout classes at the gym, and am actually better for it. It's always hard to gauge what level equipment (dumbbells, bands, and bodybars) I need to use, because the trainers change up the routines each time. This past week I did my own training mostly making use of the circuit machines. I can proudly say that I now squat press at 60lbs and donkey calf raise at 100. I still wander into the aerobics room for the abs, though.

I was talking to one of the remodel guys about how I live such a quiet life: work, home, workouts at the gym and dinner with the in-laws. He nodded in understanding and said "I ain't mad at ya."

Excuse me?

I was confused and somewhat indignant, and when someone else came by he told that guy what had been said. As it turns out, it's another way of saying "I understand". WTH. Just say that then.

I was stretching after my Tuesday workout when Patrick called to say he was waiting outside for me, and that he'd promised we'd be at the in-laws' in half and hour. I left the gym floor immediately for the locker room, and mentioned in the car that I felt a little uneven, having only done hamstring stretches on my right leg. Being that Patrick is more than a little obsessive-compulsive, he argued that I could have taken the extra half-minute to do the left leg despite being rushed, and then he hurried us home so I could complete my stretches.

I've been skewed a little depressed, mostly due to poor self-care. This past week I've been forgoing the LAN games in favor of sleep, working out every other day, and eating breakfast, and have been able to steer clear of the pit. For now.

I had a dream last night that we had a male calico cat that was mostly white with some orange. I tried to brush it but not much fur came off.

Lately I've been stuffing my face with Nestle Drumsticks in Cookies and Cream, though what I've been really craving but cannot have are the Mangoes and Cream ones we sell back home, as well as Jollibee's Peach-Mango pies. Dammit. Now I want Jabo spaghetti too.

The remodel is pretty much for over for me. Monday our Market team is coming through to walk off our mods and see the improvements and changes for themselves. I'll have two 7-day old mods, and a couple that are just counting.

The remodel will be over by July 13th. Thank God. I'm tired of people asking me about my shoes. "Do you wear two-inch heels every day?" "How can you work in those?" "Don't your feet hurt?" A couple of the remodel people hope to stay/transfer over when all is said and done. I never really talked to any of them, and I don't think I'll miss anybody except may drummer guy because he's been so encouraging. I'm betting they'll want to keep him, though, because he's sort of the go-to type.

My original dream house is now 5k for expensive, my new one is 100k cheaper, and 2004's much-hyped Zero-Energy Home in Frisco is on the market for only 750k from close to million 3 years ago, which isn't a bad deal esp. considering your utility bills will be next to nothing.

I'm on the lookout for red shoes, because my Rampage D'Orsays are dying.

I really like these:

Jimmy Choo shoes, $750, Jimmy Choo, NYC, 866-524-6687


Caligarius' Alanda is only $79.99 from $155 at
In 6.0 W and 7.0N

I wonder if I can squeeze into a 7N?


What I've been looking for but cannot find anywhere is:

Jessica Simpson's LaDonna pump in Scarlet

I know, I know. I should have bought them when I had the chance.


Red, red, RED!!!

Balenciaga Chad Red, 269 GBP at Daniel Footwear
Via Shoewawa.


I've kind of also been wanting to get a pretty little Chinese blouse in a solid dark blue or navy, so I can wear it to work. Thing is, I don't know where to get that sort of thing here. The custom tailor next to the Asian mart nearby charges $85 and takes a month to make it, and since I don't really know what I'm ordering and she doesn't speak much English I don't know that I'll be happy with the outcome.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

nothing, really.

I'm tired. I clocked in for work at 7:09 a.m., and out at 5:58 p.m. Yesterday was Dean's 11th birthday, which we marked with a black forest cake and his first Percy Jackson book: The Lightning Thief. I expect he'll enjoy it immensely; he's always been a mythology buff.

We've been leaking fuel. After dinner and candle-blowing Patrick worked on the car, after which it was too late for a Dark Crusade LAN game with Dean. We'll be making up for it tonight.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

It is by believing in roses that one brings them to bloom."  ~ French proverb

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

In the mirror at midnight my body is my enemy
As are all women to whom I might compare it
It is a curse and a cruelty, to be woman.

A coworker's wife stopped by the store one time, and a number of ladies crowded around him afterwards, offering congratulations. "You're so lucky." "She's so pretty." "She looks so young!"

Why is attractiveness an achievement for a woman, and a trophy for the man who is her partner? We know nothing else about her: is she faithful, supportive, intelligent, kind?

We do this to ourselves, y'know.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Rain girl

I cannot tell you how I happened upon
a life that feels
hermetically sealed.

What I can tell you is that
I woke to the sound of the pouring rain
and realized
there is no one to invite outside
to come play.

It's been a long time since I've
danced in the rain.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Currently listening to:

Vault: Def Leppard Greatest Hits

In particular, "Love Bites" and "Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad".


I've been so busy at work this past week, trying to work through the changes this remodel has wrought on my departments. I built some bridges, introducing a new Filipina lady on the remodel crew to a friend of the in-laws, who might help her get more permanent work. I also met a guy in a thrash (whatever that is) band called Red Jealousy, who tells me that I have a good voice and that if I want to sing I should just go for it, in spite of my fears.

We marked Bianca's birthday with beans and Mexican rice, fajitas and chocolate cake, even though she didn't feel like celebrating. The theme for the month seems to be the passing of women without close family ties. Mary Harris, a grumpy granny lady from the Carrolton store who loved to gamble, passed away recently. I never knew her, but a number of people at my store miss her dearly. Rest in peace.