Tuesday, October 31, 2006

i had a blast today

At work I was one of only three people dressed up for Halloween. Kelly went as a witch, and Monique a prison inmate. Questions and comments today, the most common being something to the effect of "You look soooooooo cute!!!"

"Oh. My. God."

"Wonder Woman! Where's Robin?"

"Can you fly?"

"Where's your whip?"
Um, lasso.

"Wonder Woman, right?"
Me: "No."

"Save me! Save me!"

"Are you a cheerleader?"

"I didn't dress up today because I knew I'd have to work...
Oh, btw, since you're Wonder Woman can you (make a bale)/(push carts)/(lift that pallet)?"

"Can you whirl around for me?"

Monday, October 30, 2006

Where do I go from here

Where Do I Go From Here lyrics
The Carpenters
Love Songs

Autumn days
Lying on a bed of leaves
Watching clouds up through the trees
You said our love was more than time
It's colder now
The trees are bare and nights are long
I can't get warm since you've been gone
I can't stop singin' sad songs

Where do I go from here?
Tell me where do I go from here?
You said you'd take me through the years
So where do I go from here?

Lovers' plans
Like fallin' leaves on windy days
Flutter past and they fly away
I thought I knew you oh so well

And I need you now
I need to feel you in the night
I need your smile so warm and bright
I wish my mind could let you go

Where do I go from here?
Tell me where do I go from here?
You said you'd take me through the years
So where do I go from here?

Where do I go from here?
Tell me where do I go from here?
You said you'd take me through the years
So where do I go from here?
You said you'd take me through the years
So where do I go from here?

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Saturday, October 28, 2006


Bent lyrics
Matchbox 20
Mad Season

If I fall along the way
Pick me up and dust me off
And if I get too tired to make it
Be my breath so I can walk

If I need some other love then
Give me more than I can stand
And when my smile gets old and faded
Wait around I'll smile again

Shouldn't be so complicated
Just hold me and then
Just hold me again

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

Keep breakin' me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

If I couldn't sleep could you sleep
Could you paint me better off
Could you sympathize with my needs
I know you think I need a lot

I started out clean but I'm jaded
Just phonin' it in
Just breakin' the skin

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

Keep breakin' me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

Start bendin' me
It's never enough
Till I feel all your pieces

Start bendin' me
Keep bendin' me until I'm completely broken in


Shouldn't be so complicated
Just touch me and then
Just touch me again

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

Keep breakin' me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent
Without understanding

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

Yeah, you're breakin' me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

Friday, October 27, 2006

Matchbox Twenty lyrics

Yourself Or Someone Like You:
(as Matchbox 20)

Real World
(Long Day)
3 AM
(Girl Like That)
(Back 2 Good)


Mad Season:

(Black & White People)
Last Beautiful Girl
If You're Gone
(Mad Season)
Rest Stop
(The Burn)
(Bed of Lies)
You Won't Be Mine
(You and I & I)

More Than You Think You Are:

Bright Lights
All I Need
Hand Me Down
Could I Be You
You're So Real
The Difference



(Suffer Me)

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

A day in boots

A few days ago I tripped against a stack of two empty pallets, and acquired a lovely bruise on my ankle the size of a silver dollar. Tuesdays and Thursdays are my dress/skirt days, and so yesterday I decided to wear boots to cover up my multi-colored souvenir. This is how I normally plan my outfits: from the shoes up.

So Farah goes to work, in a sheer chocolate-brown jersey dress, black tights and knee high boots. This was also the first day I'd blown my hair out straight since I'd dyed it black over the weekend.

I got compliments and comments on everything from my hair to my skirt to my legs and boots. I felt fabulous, fun and flirty in my getup, which overall guys seemed to find sexy and girls thought was slutty. Generally speaking.

No one said it that way, of course. It's just that male coworkers who normally don't talk to me complimented me on my hair, noticed the change in haircolor, observed that boots are back in fashion (season, actually), and said I had pretty legs.

My so-called girlfriends on the other hand, smilingly teased me about my short hemline, the sheerness of my dress, and how my dress sense seems to have changed recently, as if I'm looking for a boyfriend.

Guys seem to think that a girl who looks hot feels that way too, and that it doesn't hurt to ask because the worst thing she can say is no.

Girls seem to resent a girl who gets that kind of attention, and no matter how nice they supposedly are, have no problem cutting you down with veiled insults. Even if they're you're fucking friends.

And when they step back and remember that it's same old you they're taking turns stabbing at, they are taken aback by some of the things they've said (because a Christian woman wouldn't do that, right?) and, chastened, add as an afterthought that "If you don't like what we say, you don't have to listen".

And if you don't like what I'm wearing, you don't have to look.

I'm told I'm sexier now, or dress that way. I don't feel it, no matter what people seem to think. Actually, I'm ten pounds heavier, and not in the right places. I am comfortable with my clothes, which are well within dress code, btw -- even the "short jersey dress, which hovers two inches above my knees. An oufit that's put together well does give a bit of a boost to one's day, though it's more a feeling like "I'm wearing new socks today" than anything else.

Today I wore a three-quarter length button-down shirt, slacks, and a frown. Though I value learning, I sometimes regret the things I learn about people. You think you know who your friends are, y'know?

Sunday, October 22, 2006

my first-ever trip to the "sexy store"

The lone shopgirl in a black shirt and fuchsia hair was perky and personable. The selection was about what you'd expect, though the price points were surprisingly steep (hentai DVDs at $35 a pop!) Being the boring person I am, I left with ideas and "Romantic Massage Kit for Dummies" as my only purchase.


Belated bachelorette party wishlist:

French Maid Costume, $58 at Frederick's of Hollywood


Peekaboo Pole Dancing Kit, $119.99 at Peekaboo USA


Rabbit Pearl, $82 at Babeland


Sweet Candy Play Bunny in Black, $100 at Eros Boutique


Thursday, October 19, 2006

growing up, i yearned for my One True Love

I would sing "Someday My Prince Will Come"; ate up all the yearning, hopeful, waiting-for-my-White-Knight Disney movies; craned my neck for my kabiyak --my soulmate, the one who would make me whole. I treasured my innocence, my naivete, my youthful dreams, protective what I was sure was that certain je ne sais quoi that would draw him to me.

And then I fell in love. Just as promised in a hundred million fairy tales, romance novels, and Hollywood movies. And after that- absolutely nothing.

He was a pussy, and I was too naive. Which was for the best after all. For a long time afterwards I was angry, and anxious to do and experience all that I'd been avoiding. I hated that I'd been soooo ignorant and starry-eyed; I would grow myself. I would be tough enough to never get hurt.

I've since learned that I am responsible for my own happiness, that a life partner is someone to grow old with, not someone who completes you.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

a woman's #1 mistake:

"If you really loved me, you'd..."

That's it. In a nutshell. We assume that love is the answer, and that The One will always know exactly how I am feeling, why I feel this way, and how to fix it. He will take the time to do everything in his power to make me happy. In fact, he will live for my happiness.

Conversely, someone who does not meet these criteria is therefore not The One, doesn't really love me, doesn't truly appreciate me in the way I deserve and therefore I am entitled to act out.

He's not a mind reader. He has no idea of the things you've "let slide". He believes exactly what you tell him: that everything's fine. Because he loves and trusts you.

Monday, October 16, 2006

favorite things

Prada Canvas & Leather Doctor Bag, $1,395.00 at Neiman Marcus


CastaƱer Metallic Espadrilles, $89.90 from $225 at Saks Fifth Avenue


Giorgio Armani Pleated Tote, $1495 at Nordstrom


Chetta B Polka Dot Silk Dress, $182.90 from $306 at Saks Fifth Avenue


Porsche Cayenne Turbo S, MSRP $111,660

Sunday, October 15, 2006

bored to tears, literally

"He works hard to give her all he thinks she wants
But it tears her apart
'cause nothing's for her heart"

-Buy Me a Rose
Luther Vandross

Saturday, October 14, 2006

my best friend went home for a month and a half and never came back

in her stead is someone else who looks a lot like her, but is not her.

She is older, somehow. Cutting, and dismissive. She is likely to liken me to a little girl, to regard troubled friends as childish, unmanly or frivolous with their time. I cannot talk to her about these things. Or, I choose not to.

She has outgrown my friendship, and I will let it pass.

Friday, October 13, 2006

friday, the thirteenth

"She's got a little bit of something
God, it's better than nothing
And in her color portrait world
she believes that she's got it all"

3 a.m.
Yourself Or Someone Like You
Matchbox 20

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

the rainclouds came back today

They've been hovering in the distance, but today they blocked out the sun.

I'm still...functional. I laugh, I joke, I hold up my end of conversations. But in the lulls and on my own I am quiet, pensive and almost brooding. I smile too quickly and brightly when observed thus.

Some things can't simply be talked out.
I am waiting
for something
to give.


" feel like I'm disappearing - getting smaller every day
but when I open my mouth to sing - I'm bigger in every way"

Tunic (Song for Karen) - Sonic Youth

Monday, October 09, 2006

YouTube linx 4 u

South Park "Make Love, Not WarCraft" episode in 2 parts

Part 1
Part 2

Russell Peters on Canadian Comedy Central

Russell Peters is a Canadian-Indian comedian with a wicked wit and a knack for accents. Yes, I say this even though his so-called Chinese accent sounds Vietnamese. Though the country may be wrong, the accent is spot-on.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

procrastination, Part I

or, How Farah found the perfect volunteer org for her

As you know, I've been bored and frustrated lately, most likely because I am so self-centered. The solution therefore is to focus on others, i.e., find some type of community outreach activity that would provide balance, allow me to use my talents to help others, and most importantly get me out of the house.

I don't consider ladling soup or retrieving empty water bottles particularly fulfilling.

I decided that the best recourse would be to rejoin Mensa, and then investigate what worthy causes the local chapter espouses. This would guarantee that least a modicum of brain activity would be involved.

I could simply email the national group back home, and ask that they forward my previous test results. But I don't care to remind them that I'm still alive. Besides, it would be interesting to know how I'd do this time around.

So I looked up testing information. Mensa Testing Day 2006 is on Saturday, Oct. 21st if you're interested. The fee is $30, and I believe the test takes 30 minutes.

North Texas Mensa hold testing sessions at the Reading & Radio Resource.

"Reading & Radio Resource (formerly North Texas Taping and Radio for the Blind) is a non-profit 501(c)(3) volunteer agency, dedicated since 1969 to providing alternatives to reading for children and adults who are visually or physically disabled and/or learning differenced."

It seems my search had come full circle.

Friday, October 06, 2006

LP links

These are for you.

Most unflattering picture of Mariah Carey that I've ever seen:

Circa Jan 2006. Via MariahDaily.com


Tom Leykis links:

Wiki article

Official website, with a live feed click-through in upper left corner

The philosophy


Comedy Central's South Park schedule

The episode is "Make Love, Not Warcraft" (1008)

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Plus size lingerie websites

The basics: bras and panties

Just My Size, of course.



For some of these sites you may have to click through to their "plus size" section.

patrick likes my costume

First dress rehearsal today. He was sitting in front of the TV watching CSI when I stepped out of the bedroom, posed as if doing a jump jack, and cheered "Darna!"

He stared at me speechlessly, but couldn't seem to stop smiling. I had to ask. "What do you think, honey?"

He walked over and put his arms around me and gave me a kiss.

"There's...too much skin."


Wednesday, October 04, 2006

I made four Kahlua White Russians

of which I had one and Patrick the other three. Yet he's fine and my head is throbbing. I don't think it's from the alcohol, though.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

tonight's outing:

Orientation session at Reading & Radio Resource; followed by

our first-ever liquor store trip, which resulted in the purchase of


Kahlua, and

Stoli Razberi

Sunday, October 01, 2006

You died on a Saturday.

I've been thinking about you a good deal lately, and apparently I'm not the only one. A lot of other people at work have been mentioning you, remembering things you said or did. We still miss you, Carlos. It's hard to believe it's been just a little over a year.

I'm sorry.

A year has passed and I still don't speak Spanish or drive myself to work. I'm still working at Wal-Mart, still a department manager, still out of school. We've moved out of the in-laws' house, though. I don't sing as much as I used to, though I dress better. You probably would have been teasing me that I might have a boyfriend on the side.

"Las Chicas", as you liked to call us, are still together, though slowly drifting apart. Would you be sad for us, or have seen it coming, or simply shrugged and commented on change as a natural part of life?

I'm not afraid of dying anymore.

Nowadays death seems friendlier somehow. I suppose as you get older and more of the people you've known have passed on, dying becomes little more than a rite of passage. It's just how you get to the next level. I imagine that when I am wrinkled and old, I will have known more dead people than living, and death will be a welcome reunion.

And though I miss you, I know that if I showed up on the other side today, you'd kick me right back out and tell me I've got a whole lot more living to do.

Till we meet again, Carlos.
We're missing you, and still thinking of you.