Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Sushi Yama

Tonight we went to a different Japanese restaurant: Sushi Yama (8989 Forest Ln #112 Dallas, TX). It's a very cozy place tucked in the side of a strip mall. The walls are papered with the names and prices of menu items in Japanese and English. The music is J-pop of a soothing sort, and the clientele are mostly Japanese. Tuesdays and Saturdays are Dollar Sushi nights, and Bento boxes are half-price on Wednesdays.

Service can be slow but the food is worth it. Our sushi arrived warm and a little smaller than we're used to, but uber-fresh: the salmon firm, and the tuna very pink. The house tea is genmai cha (brown rice tea), a blend of steamed green tea and roasted rice. It's an interesting variation on the usual green tea.

We also ordered a tall Ozeki sake, served warm, and the goldfish dessert 104, Taiyaki(?). The referring paper on the wall has a drawing of a goldfish and the words NEW DESSERT! It turned out to be cute little waffles in goldfish shapes, stuffed with sweet red bean paste, and accompanied by red bean ice cream, strawberries and whipped cream. Mm-mm good.


~A Bit of Earth~, from "The Secret Garden"

feeling ugly

I saw a program on Discovery Health (ages ago, when we had DirecTV) about an ordinary-looking lady who thought she was ugly. Though not hideous, in her mind she was exceedingly repulsive and should stay away from people, as they would either pity her or socialize with her only to be polite.

I think I understand her a little better now. I look in the mirror and I do not like what I see: skin, hair, clothes, figure. In spite of this mood (or because of it?) I wore a hot pink sweater, A-line skirt and knee-high boots yesterday. It was my nod to Deunan's Knute's short-skirt-and-boots civilian getup in the Appleseed movie. I got compliments, but didn't really soak them up like I might otherwise have. What did stick was that the one time I let my hair done, someone told me it would be better if I tied it back up in a ponytail.

I fit in a size 4 top but size 6 bottom. I used to weigh 15 lbs less and have clearer skin. My hair is unmanageable and my skin problematic. I look in the mirror and I do not like what I see.


However I do appreciate, very much, that no matter how sick Patrick gets he still manages to croak weakly "You're so pretty" and even "So sexy, funnyun!"

Monday, February 27, 2006

i know I'm like this on my fridays but

do you ever have those days when you're just so fucking bored with yourself you start thinking about suicide, just for a change of scenery?

no? well, i guess it's just me then.


Jenna at PopGadget had this to say about Bratz dolls:

"For those of you who aren't familar with the dolls, they are these collagen-injected, cat-eyed, body-disportionate, fashion-loving (but skimpy to downright slutty) dolls that make Barbie look rather wholesome.
"...the Bratz line is marketed to girls as young as 5-6. I know times have changed, but I just think back to when I was that age and played with wooden figures with no arms and plastic helmut (sic) hair and was obsessed with my rollerskates. Makeup at that point just didn't interest me, so all this marketing of Britney Spears and JLo influences trickling down to the pre-K set just makes me...sad."


for something different I wore my only remaining boots today, a pair of Naturalizers I bought for $25 from a consignment shop four years ago. Though no longer my style, they were a departure from the usual and look a lot like this, only black and with a pointier toe.

God, please save me from myself.

I want cheesecake.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

GW: On being a monk

Through most of the game, monks get little respect. A monk is comparatively lightly armored, and deals less damage than most other professions. Even the much-vaunted 55 monk (elite solo smiter) is not exempt -- such a build takes little to no advantage of Divine Favor, a monk's unique attribute. Thus, a character built solely to maximize the 55 build would be much better off as a secondary monk with either an Elementalist or Mesmer primary, in order to benefit from the former's Energy Storage or the latter's Fast Casting.

But from the Crystal Desert onwards as the missions become increasingly difficult, monks become essential to the survival of a team. In some mission areas a level 20 monk will be spammed with invites as soon as s/he appears. And the main channel is rife with monk ads: "GLF 3 more - we got monks!" or, more commonly, "GLF monk 7/8 -- you join and we're off".
Warrior/monks (or "tanks", as they are commonly called) still tend to take monks for granted. "REZ ME" they cry, after taking on too large a group. It's so nice to be able to tell hotheads that they'll have to stay down and wait because I can't resurrect them just yet.

Patrick and I finally finished the game with our main characters. On the second-to-the-last mission a fellow monk complimented me on my playing style: my first such compliment, and doubly special because I play a monk. S/he even wanted to send me a guild invite!

Patrick gets that sort of attention all the time, which I feel is well-deserved since he's been a gamer for so many years, and is quite the pro. I've just had the one person's comment, but it's still a very, very good feeling.

Friday, February 24, 2006

chicken soup, for the soul

I made chicken noodle soup tonight. I never make chicken noodle soup.

Of all the dishes one can make for a loved one, homemade chicken noodle soup is special. it is a penance, an offering, a prayer:

"God, if there is a God, accept this offering of care, this labor of love, and imbue it with the power to heal the one I love."

Stirring and dicing in the kitchen I recalled college chemistry classes, when i would pretend that simple redox experiments were the beginnings of research into a Great Cure -- for AIDS perhaps, or cancer. I thought back to the books I read when I was a little girl, books of Native American shamanic ways, and of feminine wisdom and witchcraft.

I suppose I enjoy singing and cooking and playing a monk in Guild Wars for the same reasons: to heal, to create, to nourish. It's a sad thought, to wonder about one's missed calling.

patrick's sick

he's been up all night coughing and finally called in this morning, which means a 4-day weekend for him that he hasn't enjoyed at all.

We've been giving him cough syrup, soups and teas for days. I hope he gets better soon.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

only available online

Gap.com's retro Perforated heels, on sale for $39.99 from $54. Available in camel, pale lemon and watermelon (pictured left).

The Old Navy snakeskins mentioned below are also only available online -- a bummer, because I would have liked to have tried them on and evaluated the quality prior to commiting to a purchase.

I'm still in need of a nice pair of black pointy flats for work.

recently discovered truths

i hate myself.
i hate my life.
i'm bored out of my freaking skull. And I still don't know what I want or how to get it. It's a lot easier to pretend I gave up a great maybe for The One Great Love.

Cue theme: Ate Shawie's ~Bituing Walang Ningning~


In other news, Patrick has a murderous pinched nerve in his lower back, so he's been out for the count most of today. He's also been slightly feverish and coughing badly these past few days, which I can only guess might be the flu since I had a flu shot late last year, and haven't gotten what he has despite lowered resistance (from having worked overnight setting shoe mods these past few days) and continued exposure.

Tomorrow we're headed for the USCIS (formerly INS) Dallas district office to get an official paper of some sort regarding the status of his 2001 petition.

Monday, February 20, 2006

for all my supposed intelligence, i don't know much about people

I wish I could get some sort of license for being "socially handicapped", so people would know to interact with me on a less-sophisticated level - i.e., to simply be honest with me and with themselves, right from the start.

I buy into the lies people tell to each other as well as to themselves. The nature of individuals is perplexing and elusive. There are no good guys anymore; everyone's just some shade of gray.

I am just as fragile and inept as ever, a little girl . I wish I wish I wish, but beggars don't ride. Even the hard way, I just don't get it.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

we went shopping

shocking and unheard-of, i know.

I inquired at Old Navy, because I didn't see the flats I wanted. The sales clerk guessed that they might have them on Monday.

Patrick bought Structure and Covington long-sleeved shirts on clearance at Sears for less than $10 apiece. There's an ensemble at Bebe he'd like for me to get: (at these prices, is he kidding? You know what I'd rather spend it on.)

the Amanda shirt in Honey Pink, $69.00

and a short which may be this Metallic Stripe Cuffed Short $79.00, though it looks much different in-store:

On second thought, it's probably a different short. The one I tried on seemed darker, with a much more defined metallic pinstripe running through. It was also longer and more form-fitting. Or is this just a reminder of why I shouldn't compare myself to models?

I need sleep.

Tomorrow I will be working 8:30 to 3:30, then 10 pm to 8ish the following morning. Yesterday (or was it the day before?) it was a sunny and summery 80-degree day that gave into a rainy 40-degree evening. Texas is weird that way.

Friday, February 17, 2006

the problem with being a survivor

is that you're eternally a victim, forever enduring, or having endured
and you never get around to the living part.


crystal masque, my Me/Mo, is level 18 but i can't seem to get her to beat her doppelganger. It's frustrating the (&*(#Q%*)U#*( out of me.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

there are things we want and can't have,

and thoughts that will not let us go unless
we embrace them, and accept them
whether or not
we give in.

and so i will say it once, and definitively

i want to have a baby
(so much, sometimes, it hurts)
but i am not in a place in my life where
that's even an option.

so i lay this thought here
and hope, as i walk off
that it does not follow.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

still thinking about these babies

Faux snakeskin pointy-toe flats in brown and black. Photo from Shoewawa, shoes from Old Navy. Yeah, i know, they're less than $20 a pair, but I'm a tightwad. And is it just me, or does the black version have a finer texture?

faerah's music billboard

top 5 downloads:

Download count really doesn't say much about the quality of the recordings, but it is the most regular kind of feedback I get about my singing.

718 How Will the Night Be
#1, and one of my only two compositions.
698 = Have Yourself a Merry little Christmas
640 = I Just Fall in Love Again
560 = Ima Wa Tomodachi -fast
My first ever recording.
557 = O Little Town of Bethlehem

personal favorites

Sing Me a Song Again, Daddy
Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

more pigalle pics

in white:


and on Gwen Stefani:

Happy Valentine's Day!

strappy red red red Manolos, $565 from Neiman's:

and glitzy Christian Lacroix ankle-ties, $503.95 from Zappos (pic snatched from Shoewawa)

Monday, February 13, 2006

the day i kill myself will be a monday

the end of another long week.

Haven't logged on in a while, and there are 385 unread messages in my inbox. Finally got Patrick an immigration lawyer, a friendly blonde who wears snazzy stiletto boots and charges $2000 over the cost of filing his petition all over again.

The manager who had us all spinning around in circles will be away for six weeks, which gives me about a month to decide what I really want. Of which I still have no clue.

Patrick got a speeding ticket, his first ticket ever. Saturday he logged onto Defensivedriving.com and completed the six-hour course. The certificate of completion should arrive tomorrow, via UPS.

Luz, Blanca and I got dressed up for work today: Luz in a summery pink skirt, sandals and a chocolate blazer; Blanca in a faux fur jacket, long green skirt and slouchy boots; and me in my new navy skirt suit with the gold trim ($22.99 from Ross).

We thought it would be our last lunch together as a trio, since they seem to be cracking down on mealtime violations (too early and too late) but as no one else seems to be changing schedules, there's really no reason for us to. In any case, tomorrow's Valentine's Day and I'm off so we at least celebrated that.

My feet are killing me. I wore my goldish New York Transit peep toes to work for the first (and probably only) time. I might have been fine but I took my last break very late and stayed past 5:30 to knock out as many price changes as I could. Finally clocked out at 5:51 having barely made a dent: 400 or so still left, which will be late on Thursday.

Here's a business proposition for you: open about 3,000 megastores across the U.S., pressure vendors to sell at deep discounts for the privilege of supplying said stores, hire people at $8.5o an hour and hold them to an extremely high standard, to take on multiple jobs and responsibilities most other companies would pay twice as much or hire twice as many for.

I don't know what else I might be good for, really.

I felt smart and fabulous today until someone enthused that my "fat legs look sooooo cute!". Gaaahhh. Now I remember why I usually wear pants, and wear long skirts if I must wear a skirt at all.

My major emotional rollercoaster of the week has been the juvenile thought that someone might have a crush on me. Now reality has kicked in, which in the world of me is that it's altogether more likely that I thought he might and he noticed my noticing and so we both think we are liked by the other and wonder about the whys and wherefores when there really isn't anything at all. And it's all a pointless exercise because we're both married, a thought which probably should have been my first.

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Patrick's started a new character, a monk gal named Kachiko, who looks a good deal like Cherish, except that she has black hair.

For his birthday Patrick got a pair of Oakley Valves in black. On the day itself I surprised him after dinner with a little cake. I told him I'd get us both dessert, and came back singing "Happy Birthday" and bearing a mini-cake with candles lit. He was touched and embarrassed and protested "You didn't say anything!" and it was all very cute and happy.

I've been having strange dreams lately. And I'm still waiting to win the lotto.


The Carpenters' ~I Need to Be in Love~

Thursday, February 09, 2006

i am in love

with josh groban's voice.

Am I the only one in the world who thinks he sounds just like Martin Nievera?


Basil Valdez's ~Lift Up Your Hands~

high heels

and I do mean 5 inches high. The Christian Louboutin Pigalle, currently not available for purchase online except from eBay sellers

More pigalle pics


ang kapal talaga ng mukha ko. omigod omigod omigod.

It was all in my mind. Which is a good thing, but then again,

diyahe naman. Pahiya ako sa sarili ko.


Wednesday, February 08, 2006

i called up Sophie again

and she told me that the starting pay for the position is $8 an hour, without experience.

$8 an hour?!!! What is that?! I need to pay rent, y'know.

So I'm back at square one: no prospects.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

dreading the dawn

I've been living in a bubble, thinking I saw the world clearly and for what it truly was and would be. Now I see the walls between myself and the outside world growing thin and transparent, and reality, ominous and frighteningly changeable, threatens to engulf me.

People wonder how I could have stayed with Wal-Mart for so long. In reality, I haven't really been working at Wal-mart. My store (and yes, I do think of it as that), one of the littlest neighborhood Wal-Mart Supercenters in the U.S., was cozy and friendly and different.

But seasons change, tides turn and big bad Wal-Mart, just as everyone knows from the media, is coming to town. With a ready smile and a monstrous efficiency it descends and devours, and few can escape its grasp.

The little store that could will not survive, and I don't know that I can bear to watch that happen.

Or maybe it's just the same old things with me: restlessness, fear of change, and trying to escape the inevitable.

Monday, February 06, 2006

flirting with danger

And I need to stop.

That's all I'm going to say about that.


Tori Amos' ~Silent All These Years~
Smokey Mountain's ~Kailan~

I'm reluctant to post Tagalog songs because I can't seem to rid my singing of the accent a native ManileƱo described as "part American, part probinsyana". Then again, it's really just the natural translation of my Valley-Girl-meets-Texan English.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

still playing quite a bit of Guild Wars

Cherish, my first and highest-level character, is now an ascended Mo/R 20. Haven't gotten around to Infusion yet, and am not sure if I want to change her secondary, as she is pretty much exclusively a monk.

I'm trying to make her a 55 smiter (a.k. the Invinci-Monk build), in preparation for forays into the Underworld and Fissure of Woe, but all the builds I've seen online are for Mo/Ws. I'll see if the Dodge or similar will make up for Bonetti's Defense; if not, I'll have to change secondary professions in the desert. I'd miss my level 20 cat, tho -- even if it's still a Hearty Stalker, and not Ancient.

Oh, and I'm pretty broke, too. I need Superior Vigor runes for my 3 other characters, and the market's at 40k right now, which is low for a sup vigor, but still prohibitively expensive for me.

Take the quiz: What Guild Wars profession are you?