feeling ugly

I saw a program on Discovery Health (ages ago, when we had DirecTV) about an ordinary-looking lady who thought she was ugly. Though not hideous, in her mind she was exceedingly repulsive and should stay away from people, as they would either pity her or socialize with her only to be polite.

I think I understand her a little better now. I look in the mirror and I do not like what I see: skin, hair, clothes, figure. In spite of this mood (or because of it?) I wore a hot pink sweater, A-line skirt and knee-high boots yesterday. It was my nod to Deunan's Knute's short-skirt-and-boots civilian getup in the Appleseed movie. I got compliments, but didn't really soak them up like I might otherwise have. What did stick was that the one time I let my hair done, someone told me it would be better if I tied it back up in a ponytail.

I fit in a size 4 top but size 6 bottom. I used to weigh 15 lbs less and have clearer skin. My hair is unmanageable and my skin problematic. I look in the mirror and I do not like what I see.

~*~*~*

However I do appreciate, very much, that no matter how sick Patrick gets he still manages to croak weakly "You're so pretty" and even "So sexy, funnyun!"