Monday, May 30, 2011

I'm getting really tired of meeting interesting girls/women who exclaim "We should hang out sometime!" but don't mean it. I wonder if it's me, if maybe I need friends too much, and they smell it on me and when they've had time to think about it, decide they're better off without.

But, more likely, she's just another casually friendly person who doesn't mean what she says.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Foul-weather friend

I'm a horrid sort of friend, I know. I hope you understand.

For the most part, I only show up here when I'm feeling down and need to unload. When I'm feeling cheery - which, to the world, appears to be most of the time - I don't blog.

I don't mean to burden you. In a way, It's the opposite. I download the icky, difficult, drag-me-down negativity I'm bored with or tired of or just too ashamed to expose elsewhere, so I can gain some semblance of normalcy, so I can get on with the rest of my life. I am glad this blog affords me that ability, and am at once grateful and embarrassed that you're reading it.

I can only hope that you have something similar in your life, and that somewhere in the muck of my aimless ramblings, a glimmer of truth or meaning shines through for you.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Watching the Prom Queen episode of "Glee":

Waiting for Prince Charming is a poisonous idea, but it refuses to die because it's oh-so-romantic, and deep down every red-blooded girl wants to be a princess.

Could have done without the "Friday" cover.
I mean, it's far-and-away better than the original, but that's not saying much.

"Eat your heart out, Kate Middleton!"

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Pages from my journal

Last night we went to Dalrock because DJ was supposed to be there. I was tired and Patrick had arranged from time at the driving range after work, so after we got home I napped while he headed off the McKinney. Nic and co. arrived at Ferdie's house shortly before he did, so Jen and Nic hung out, as did Frankie and Izzy, and Junior and Jet, While Ferdie, Patrick and Chris practiced at the driving range.

Afterwards he came by for me and he headed to Dalrock. Nic and family were already there, making plans to watch the last show of Thor. DJ didn't get there till 10, with Auntie Nenette (?Jeanette) and brother in tow. She;'d just completed her nurse practitioner degree, and her brother's graduating in December. Her mom kept bugging me about not having kids yet, till we finally left, and I cried. No, they don't know.


Things are bad again, I don't know why. For the second time, my emotions are welling up, as If it's all fresh again. I mourn my lost years, I see no future to look forward to, and building a new life for myself seems like oh so much work, it's all so exhausting, I just want to give up...I look to the black sleep, to the peaceful oblivion of death, and it seems the easier, more sensible alternative.


They say the day after Friday the 13th is lucky. I hope so. I am so tired.

I've actually been pretty lucky the past week or two, though I can't feel too cheery about it these days. Got free passes and upgrades at the advanced screenings to Bridesmaids and Thor, and free tickets to Twist and Shout. Not to mention the Test Scanning project I've been on at work: tedious but all-around so much better than my usual week at work.

I met a pretty interesting lady at work the other day. I wish we'd met ten years ago, and I hope to be her in ten years' time. I lost her card, but when I have time I'll probably look her up on FaceBook.

Saturday, May 07, 2011

Season 2, Episode 17: A Night of Neglect

Emma - ”At what age are you allowed to look back on your life with nothing but regret? Is 32 too young?


Thursday, May 05, 2011


The best part of the movie was the theater. (Gold Class Cinemas in Fairview, but that's a story for another time. If I get to it at all.)

The next best thing was Bradley Cooper *finally* cleaned up and debonair, romancing a beautiful woman in Italian.

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

I think about you way too much.

Far, far too often.

Though I think I'm getting better at pretending I don't.