Friday, April 28, 2006

Caught one of my favorite movies on TV

The American President

They danced to ~I Have Dreamed~, from the musical "The King and I". Sore throat be damned; it's so beautiful and romantic, I'm singing it anyway. I'll probably rerecord when I get my voice back.

High St. vs. Designer

One of my favorite sections of Shoewawa is titled as above, and features luxe footwear and their discount doubles. Look, I found one of my own! (both at

Givenchy originally $499.99, on sale for $254.99

versus Rampage $59.99


In other news, Guild Wars Factions has gone live. See ya in Cantha!

Thursday, April 27, 2006

The shoe rack



GUCCI pump

KELLY & KATIE loafer


NINE & COMPANY velvet embellished flat


VOZ Eva peep toe pump in black

XOXO Daniella

Not pictured:
Lerre classic brown pump
Naturalizer boots
3 pairs of $3 strappy sandals from Payless

Last update: April 2006
i'm losing my voice.
i think i'm going to be sick.
always knew they were fools, you
always knew they hadn't a clue, they
didn't get you, couldn't grasp

how they could never really own you
hold you, be with you. That you
would fall in love someday and it would be
real THAT would be real
for sure
forever. Really.

Are you there yet? Happy yet? You
can never really be happy never
really be happy unless
heart-wrenchingly miserable,
hurling-yourself-against-an-unyielding-wall miserable, never
happy unless it hurts.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

we have tv again

patrick upped the bandwidth on our comcast high-speed connection to facilitate counterstrike gameplay. Apparently the next step up for us (internet only, no cable tv) would have been more expensive and with less upload space than a tv+internet package. And so we have cable tv again.

Yesterday they featured Mark Cuban on G4's Icons. He is a creature outside my realm of understanding, a mystical being who seemingly craps out multimillion-dollar tech companies, the geek with Midas touch. The program's given me a lot to think about.

We just came back from yet another trip to DSW. I've been looking for black shoes for work for the past month. I brought home a pair of Voz Eva pumps I feel lukewarm about, all the more so because I broke the second of my shoebuying rules, which are:

Farah's Rules of ShoeBuying:

1. There is no such thing as a breaking-in period. The shoe must fit out of the box.
2. If you are not in love with the shoe while in the store, don't bring it home.

They are...okay,. and starting to grow on me, I guess. Not too crazy about the moc detail, but at least both uppers and soles are leather. I'm just really tired of looking for sensible black shoes, and not having any black pumps has been limiting my fashion choices.

Voz Eva peep toe pumps, $46.73 at Jaggers Wholesale. (approx. $35 at DSW)

We also bought some ice cube trays (Texas summers, hello) and side tables from IKEA:

Plastis, $1.99 -- all I saw were the arrows and the crosses. The hearts would have been cute, too.

Lack in birch veneer, $12.99

Friday, April 21, 2006

Heaven Knows

Patrick's out with the guys again. He just left half an hour ago. Go ahead, call me melodramatic.


~Heaven Knows~
Rick Price

she's always on my mind,
from the time i wake up
'till i close my eyes
she's everywhere i go
she's all i know

though she's so far away
it's just keeps getting stronger
every day
and even now she's gone
i'm still holding on

so tell me where do i start
'cause it's breaking my heart
don't wanna let her go

maybe my love will come back some day
only heaven knows
and maybe our hearts will find their way
only heaven knows
and all i can do is hope and pray
'cause heaven knows

my friends keep telling me
that if you really love her
you've gotta set her free
and if she returns in kind
i'll know she's mine

so tell me where do i start
'cause it's breaking my heart
don't wanna let her go


why i live in despair
'cause wide awake or dreaming
i know she's never there
and all these time i act so brave
i'm shaking inside
why does it hurt me so...


heaven knows


~Killing Me Softly~
Aretha Franklin

Strumming my pain with his fingers
Singing my life with his words
Killing me softly with his song
Killing me softly with his song
Telling my whole life, with his words
Killing me softly with his song

I heard he sang a good song
I heard he had a style
And so I came to see him and listen for a while
And there he was this young boy
A stranger to my eyes

Strumming my pain with his fingers
Singing my life with his words
Killing me softly with his song
Killing me softly with his song
Telling my whole life, with his words
Killing me softly with his song

I felt all flushed with fever
Embarrassed by the crowd
I felt he found my letters and read each one out loud
I prayed that he would finish
But he just kept right on

Strumming my pain with his fingers
Singing my life with his words
Killing me softly with his song
Killing me softly with his song
Telling my whole life, with his words
Killing me softly with his song

He sang as if he knew me
In all my dark despair
And then he looked right through me as if I wasn't there
And he just kept on singing
Singing clear and strong

Strumming my pain with his fingers
Singing my life with his words
Killing me softly with his song
Killing me softly with his song
Telling my whole life, with his words
Killing me softly with his song

Thursday, April 20, 2006

some days are incredibly lonely --
reminding me of how i am still too
fragile, guileless, trusting.

someone breaks your heart
someone makes your day
someone prods you on
someone shuts the door

i pray for

and a light at the end of the tunnel.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Quotes I like:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Used by Nelson Mandela in his 1994 inaugural speech

"Today we come across an individual who behaves like an automaton, who does not know or
understand himself, and the only person that he knows is the person that he is supposed to be, whose meaningless chatter has replaced communicative speech, whose synthetic smile has replaced genuine laughter, and whose sense of dull despair has taken the place of genuine pain. Two statements may be said concerning this individual. One is that he suffers from defects of spontaneity and individuality which may seem to be incurable. At the same time it may be said of him he does not differ essentially from the millions of the rest of us who walk upon this earth." - Erich Fromm

"Into the hands of every individual is given a marvelous power for good or evil -- the silent unconscious, unseen influence of his life. This is simply the constant radiation of what man really is, not what he pretends to be."- William George Jordan

"The heart dies a slow death, shedding each hope like leaves... Until one day there are none. No hopes. Nothing remains. "
- Memoirs of a Geisha

"I never told my religion, nor scrutinized that of another. I never attempted to make a convert, nor wished to change another's creed. I have judged others' religions by their lives, for it is from our lives and not our words that our religions must be read."
- Thomas Jefferson

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.” Theodor Geisel, (Dr. Seuss)

“Dance like no one is watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like no one is listening,
Live like it's heaven on earth.”
- William Purkey

or alternatively, this translation of an Irish proverb:
"Dance as if no one's watching, sing as if no one's listening, and live every day as if it were your last."

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

the kapalness continues...

I've put it off for almost a week now. It must be done.

" Dear Atty --- "

"Thank you for the opportunity to interview with you and see your offices last Wednesday. At your suggestion, I have discussed the offer with my spouse, and we agree that the position presents a challenging and rewarding opportunity.

"I have attached the writing sample you requested. My salary requirement is $29,000. Should you find this acceptable, I will be available for the position on the third Monday following notification from your office (allowing two weeks' notice with my current employer).

"Thank you again for your time and kind consideration. I strongly believe I could be a valuable addition to your team. I can be reached at (phone number) or by email at (email address) or by should you need additional information.



29k - ok lang ba 'ko?

It’s that old witchcraft...

Whilst digging through old papers for writing ideas and resources, I came across an old copy of my resumé as well as my witchcraft correspondence lessons -- yes, i know: very "Bedknobs and Broomsticks". If it sounds like something you might be interested in, do visit the website of The Church and School of Wicca.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

whoever you are, thank you

Dear unknown filipina/filipino workmate who told (someone who told) my in-laws about things I supposedly said about them,

Thank you.

Thank you for an unexpected phone call from my mother-in-law on the Saturday of what used to be my most favorite holiday weekend.

Thank you for a ruined afternoon, and a new general mistrust of people from my own country.

And thank you, mother-in-law, for staying just as you always have, and reminding me why I'm sooooooo happy we moved out.

Goddamn fucking blabbermouths and flippin' quickness to jump to conclusions and take exception.

Leave me the hell alone
shut your traps
and get some fucking lives.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Devora by Tara Subkoff for Easy Spirit

Aren't they cute? $295 at

I liked these too:

Claudia Ciuti ´Chance´ Sandal $296 at

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

mentally stifling my screams with a pillow

6:10 P.M. saw me interviewing with a prominent Dallas lawyer confidently convincing him that I could be his trusted right hand. Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...ang kapal po! ang kapal!!! He asked how I would rate my written communication skills, and he and Sophie reacted visibly when I said "Excellent."

Now I've been asked to email a writing sample, along with salary requirements. I dunno I dunno IDK. I interview well. But inevitably comes interviewee's remorse. Should I have been so bold? Most candidates for the position have college degrees.

I don't know what to write about. I don't know what to ask for. I don't even know if I want the job. I. just. don't. know.

ps- Just reactivated my phone number on a different phone that doesn't have my contacts list. Call me please.

pps- Stopped by Steve Madden's B&M to check out the belowmentioned Lalo. They had a BOGO sale on their clearance boots - as low as $20 for TWO pairs of winter boots! Also stopped by the recently-opened Shoe Pavilion one block away from the DSW I frequent; brands are better, clearance deals aren't as good, and half the store is men's footwear, and a fourth is ladies's athletics and children's shoes. Prefiero más DSW.

Christian Louboutin Bruges lookalikes

(Photo from

Christian Louboutin's Bruges (rightmost shoe) are towering platform pumps that became hugely popular beginning winter of last year. A discussion of and buying information for these $735 shoes is available at Currently it seems that only regular leather versions (as opposed to patent) are available.

The rest of this post is a summary of information culled from except where otherwise indicated.

These shoes were first seen on Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen with a stacked wood heel,

and on Jessica Simpson in a cork heel.

It's been almost impossible to get a hold of any knockoffs, because they sell out almost as soon as they're put on the market. At one time or another Faith, Pied a Terre, Seychelles, Stuart Weitzman and even Jessica Simpson Footwear (carried by Nordstrom and Dillards) had their own versions.

In patent leather, with cork heel and sole:
Hot Topic has a patent cork pump in whole and half sizes 5 through 10 (except 9.5) for $36.99. They run a bit snug, so size up!

Urban Outfitters' cork offering has a round toe and $68 price tag. It's available in whole and half sizes from 6 to 10. Most red sizes and all black are backordered till July and June respectively, but red 9 and 10, and all white sizes are available now (except for size 6, which is out of stock).

In smooth leather, with wood heel and sole:

Oh Deer! Marilyn
From the red sole to the 4-inch heel to the color selections, this is the best copy you'll come across. Available in tan and black from the following retailers:

Davidz, $98. Free shipping.
Whole and half sizes 6 to 10.

Urban Outfitters, $110
Tan only, whole and half sizes 6 to 11.

Zappos, $113.95. Free shipping.
Whole and half sizes 6 to 11. They also have a 110% price protection policy.

Jeffrey Campbell's Di also has a cheeky red sole. It comes in red, taupe and white for $74.95, with free shipping. Whole sizes only, 6 to 10. Tip from Shop Diary.

UK-based Office's Cave (approx. $85) comes in black (whole sizes 3 to 8); off-white (sizes 5, 6 and 7) and berry (sizes 4, 5, 6 and 7). Please note that delivery can take up to 20 working days outside of the UK and western Europe (and returns are only accepted within 28 days of purchase).


Christian Louboutin has since created the YoYo Zeppa, which is basically a peep toe Bruges. It's among the last featured:
English > Menu > Collections > Day Shoes > High

Steve Madden has some similar-looking shoes, the wooden Lalo:
$129.95 at the official site
$125 at Jildor Shoes
$124.95 at Nordstrom

As does Aldo:
Leofa $99.99

If the link is dead, click through:
Aldo > Women > Shoes > Dress > View all > 2nd column, 4th row.

Jeffrey Campbell's Di peep toe is $74.95 with free shipping and comes in smooth red leather, whole sizes 6 to 9. The patent leather Di (in red and white) doesn't have the stacked wood platform.


Last update: 05/28/06

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Memoirs of a Geisha

I just watched the film this evening. With subtitles, thankfully. Though I was entranced by the rich visuals and liked the dance, on the whole I found it, like the main character, to have "too much water". Please, read the book. You will find much more compelling characters, dimensions to their motivations, a nuanced story and the mysterious "floating world" through the eyes of one who lived it.


i liked this quote:

"The heart dies a slow death, shedding each hope like leaves..."

If you are like me, you know how it is to mistrust your emotions. We are chemical beings of hormonal changes, lunar movements, sleep cycles, ebb and flow. Feelings pass, people change, but much that has been done cannot be undone.

Because I am so out of touch with literature, the highest goal I can think of is a pop culture image from cinema, of Yoda looking on as the world falls apart about him. I wish for that kind of stillness, that kind of clarity.

In the meantime, I let it all wash over me: love, rage, bliss, sadness, lust, rapture, guilt, fear. I will stand still. I will let it pass.

Monday, April 10, 2006

fuzzy bunnies (shudder)

Congratulations on being the creator of a new Evil Plan (tm)!

Your objective is simple: World Domination
Your motive is a little bit more complex: Love (Yes, it works)

Stage One:
To begin your plan, you must first Seduce a Famous Actor/Actress. This will cause the world to sit up and take notice, stunned by your arrival. Who is this Unholy Menace? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in a Supervillain Costume with Gimmicks?

Stage Two:
Next, you will Contaminate/poison the Pacific Ocean. This will cause countless hordes of Supernatural Creatures to flock to you, begging to do your every bidding. Your name will become synonymous with Fuzzy bunnies, as lesser men whisper your name in terror.

Stage Three:
Finally, you will Reveal to the World your Great Supernatural Forces, bringing about Rivers that Run Red with Blood. This will all be done from a Corporate Tower, an excellent choice if we might say. These three deeds will herald the end, and the citizens of this planet will have no choice but to elect you their new god.
Trust us, it'll all come together in the end.

Visit The Evil Plan Generator and take over the world in just three easy steps!

Sunday, April 09, 2006

pretty shoes!

The Christian Louboutin selection at

a stalker's anthem

~Your House~
- Alanis Morissette

I went to your house
Walked up the stairs
I opened your door without ringing the bell
I walked down the hall
Into your room
Where I could smell you
And I shouldn't be here, without permission
I shouldn't be here

Would you forgive me love
If I danced in your shower
Would you forgive me love
If I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love
If I stay all afternoon

I took off my clothes
Put on your robe
I went through your drawers
And found your cologne
I went down to the den
I found your CD's
And I played your Joni
And I shouldn't stay long, you might be home soon
I shouldn't stay long

Would you forgive me love
If I danced in your shower
Would you forgive me love
If I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love
If I stay all afternoon

I burned your incense
I ran a bath
And I noticed a letter that sat on your desk
It said "Hello love,
I love you so love.
Meet me at midnight."
And no, it wasn't my writing
I'd better go soon
It wasn't my writing

So forgive me love
If I cry in your shower
So forgive me love
For the salt in your bed
So forgive me love
If I cry all afternoon

men are incorrigible

is it too much to ask that a guy's eyes not wander while he's speaking to a woman?

Don't get me wrong: I do understand that most guys feel a healthy appreciation for the opposite sex is every straight man's God-given right. It is, however, infuriating that I was talking to one of my coworkers this morning and he tuned out completely when a blonde in her thirties walked by. He just stopped talking or responding, and gawked for two minutes, after which time he turned to me as though there had been no awkward pause and said: "Damn she was hot. Did you see her?"

And again this afternoon, I was talking to another guy and some pretty teens passed by. He disappeared, then reappeared after a few minutes. "So, anyway..."


Speaking of gawkers,

I was coming out of the Personnel Office as one of my saucier workmates saunters past with her sister. Behind them, one of the assistant managers is leaning back on his computer chair, hanging out the doorway with his mouth open, watching the pair strut down the hall.



On a friend's misguided recommendation, I asked one of the above guys for wardrobe pointers. (Yesteday, before all of the above happened.) Along with some useful advice I got a little too much information. Like, "You won't believe how many times I've said to myself 'Man, I wish she would let me shop for her.' " And yes, I did tell him I was uncomfortable hearing that.


My cellphone is missing. Someone called me from it this morning, but they hung up when I answered, then turned off the phone so I couldn't call it. I've had it disconnected. Please send me your numbers again. I'm going to adopt Patrick's phone, and he's going to be getting a RAZR.

Friday, April 07, 2006

anything is possible.

after all, Nicole Kidman was a janitor in "The Human Stain", and Denise Richards played a nuclear physicist in "The World Is Not Enough (1999)".

so i'm a little snippy today. bite me.


the addictive mindset is "Just one more...and then I'll..."

Just one more...(game, mission, drink, pair of shoes, shopping spree, hit, try)

and then I'll..." (stop, be happy, be good)

The waiting has got to go.


I want these shoes. So I can dress up as Dorothy for Halloween.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

I'll Never Sing Again

No, that's not a promise. It's an original composition.

~I'll Never Sing Again~

I'll never sing again
No music stirs inside
There's no more melody
No lyrics spring to mind
Since you left, you took away my sun and stars
I'll never sing again

I'll never dance again
Not in a million years
How can I step to tunes?
I can't move past these tears
Now you're gone, the world is cold and gray
I'll never dance again

I'll never smile again
The colors fade away
I'll never laugh - why should I?
There's no joy left in my life

Since you left, you took away the sun and stars
Stole the warmth from my heart
The world is cold and dark

I'll never sing again
No music stirs inside
There's no more melody
No lyrics spring to mind
Since you left, you took away my sun and stars
I'll never sing again

- - Copyright 2006 by F Lozano

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Bluer than Blue

~Bluer than Blue~
- Michael Johnson

After you go, I can catch up on my reading
After you go, I'll have a lot more time for sleeping
And when you're gone, looks like things are gonna be a lot easier
Life will be a breeze, you know
I really should be glad

But I'm bluer than blue, sadder than sad
You're the only light this empty room has ever had
Life without you is gonna be bluer than blue

After you go, I'll have a lot more room in my closet
After you go, I'll stay out all night long if I feel like it
And when you're gone, I can run through the house screaming
And no one will ever hear me
I really should be glad

But I'm bluer than blue, sadder than sad
You're the only light this empty room has ever had
Life without you is gonna be bluer than blue

I don't have to miss no TV shows
I can start my whole life over
Change the numbers on my telephone
But the nights will sure be colder

And I'm bluer than blue, sadder than sad
You're the only light this empty room has ever had
Life without you is gonna be bluer than blue
Bluer than blue
Bluer than blue

feeling a little better today

grateful for what i've been (and am still) going through. Learning the lessons and accepting the pain.

the new dryer arrived today - what a relief! Cocoa had an incontinent episode, maybe from the excitement of having delivery guys visiting. Last week I worked overnight and brought my dusty little iPod with me to keep awake while catching up on my package rewraps. It ran out of batttery power halfway by my lunch hour, which was consumed by one of the overnight manager's soporific tales of pallet-throwing prowess in Houston and at other stores.

I clocked back in and went back to the Personnel Office, humming and singing softly to myself so as not to fall asleep. Abovementioned manager came by for an hour or so to complete some computer training.

The following day he told Luz how and how much fun we had had exchanging stories, and me singing Mariah. Huh?

Tyler Collins' ~Thanks To You~

still missing my high notes, having to resort to sour-sounding falsetto cheats.


Tyler Collins'
~Thanks To You~

Thank you for teaching me how to love
Showing me what the world means
What I've been dreamin' of
And now I know, there is nothing that I could not do
Thanks to You

For teaching me how to feel
Showing me my emotions
Letting me know what's real
From what is not
What I've got is more that I'd ever hoped for
And a lot of what I hope for is
Thanks to you

No mountain, no valley
No time, no space
No heartache, no heartbreak
No fall from grace
Can't stop me from believing
That my love will pull me through
Thanks to You


There's no mountain, no valley
No time, no space
No heartache, no heartbreak
No fall from grace
Can't stop me from believing
That my love will see me through
Thanks to You
Thanks to You

For teaching me how to live
Putting things in perspective
Teaching me how to give
And how to take
No mistake
We were put here together
And if I breakdown
Forgive me but it's true
That I'm aching with the love I feel inside
Thanks to You
Thanks to you

Monday, April 03, 2006

I know the sound of one hand clapping.

It is a frustrated, anguished, unutterably lonely sound.

I take solace in shoes. Gorgeous, painful, never-gonna-be-mine beauties by Christian Louboutin. At Net-a-Porter and the official site.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

soap bubble happy

when you look at me, and smile i
feel (so incredibly happy) i could
float up into the sky
an iridescent soap bubble
happy and bobbing till I

Saturday, April 01, 2006

how rumors get started, and take on lives of their own

I called my mom last night; we talked for an hour. Among other things, she mentioned that my older sister (who's been married ten years, and has four kids) left a tearful long-distance message on the answering machine last month "I can't take this anymore. I want to leave him. I want a divorce."

My mom was at work at the time, but when she heard the message and called my sister back the following day, she was told that everything was fine.

Now imagine me telling this story in the break room at work, and relating the bit in quotes with appropriate emotion. And a little too loudly. At which point some of the guys leaving the smoking lounge happen to overhear just the answering machine message. "Are you getting a divorce, Farah? Cause if you are, I wanna be the first to show you around town."

Um, sure.

Half an hour later another coworker happens to drop by the Personnel Office where I spent most of the afternoon. "I heard you're getting a divorce?"

i realize what day it is, but I swear this really happened.