It seems that all I ever do is pine over guys. I should be writing songs, and making a gazillion bucks like Taylor Swift or Adele.

~*~*~*

Two weeks in April and here I am still wishing you would magically appear at my doorstep. I've made some changes since then: attempted rock climbing and hiking, and gotten a better-paying job. A little better fit for you, but not much. I bet you never even gave me a second thought afterwards.

You are earth to me: strong, stable, grounded. I didn't realize I needed that. And you aren't coming back. I wish I understood you better.

I know it's stupid and pathetic, but I miss you, Derrick. I miss you a lot, and I know I shouldn't anymore.

I'm tired of crying over guys who don't deserve my tears.

Just when you think you've finally got your head on straight and he's safely in the friend zone:

He texts you, you text back with a question in five minutes, and...nothing. For hours. Until you finally call, let it ring three times, and hang up. And decide you're gonna leave it the fuck alone. And then text him asking if he's messing with you.

Stupid, stupid, STUPID!

I hate that you still have a hold on me. I know better.

:(
:(
:(

It's not about insecurity. It's almost a hipster thing. If you can be distracted by another girl, she can have you. I've been around beautiful girls all my life, girls beautiful enough for it to be a thing all its own, Beauty with a capital B. I will not compete with that. I am old enough and seasoned enough to know who I am, and what I am worth. If a pretty face makes you falter, you don't deserve this. And Lord knows I don't deserve to go through that again.