A perfectly nice guy asked me for my number today

and instead of being thrilled or pleased about it, I felt sad.

I'm not ready yet, I know.

People tell me that I am strong, though I don't feel it. I feel like a crazy person. I burst into tears and throw pity parties for one, have a good cry, and plan my next outing with a newfound friend. I am alternately hopeful and despairing, angry and indifferent, resentful and understanding.

I hope to look back on this time and say, "They were right. I held myself with dignity and quiet strength, and emerged a better person."

If I seem so happy, why do I feel so fragile and sad?

I know it won't be anytime soon, but I hold on to the hope that someday I will feel whole again.