Episode 19:

Jesse reappears! Impossibly cute, and forgiving!

Rachel, tearfully: I thought you'd never come back.
Jesse, smiling: I miss all your drama.

hayyyyyy...

Becoming a Gleek

Just watched the part of episode 19 where Finn sings "Jessie's Girl"...
(sigh)

I wish a (really great, really cute, talented, and overall awesome) guy would sing a song that pointedly to me.

Bloody. Fucking. Hell.

My life is shit,
piled upon shit
with a hot steaming pile
- second helping - of
you guessed it

more shit.

Fuck.

i wish my tears would form a river I could sail on through to the ocean, to a land far away from here...

On the eve of what would have been my tenth wedding anniversary,

the ex went out and got drunk, whle I stayed home and got drunk. And dressed up as Wonder Woman. And recorded "Superwoman."

Couldn't find my tiara...

Things I try to remind myself

Revisited "The King's Speech" to reinforce my own voice. I've cried so much today. There are things I know but don't always remember:

I have a voice.

Looking good and living well, are the best revenge. And the best prescription.

Too much time and energy are wasted on feeling sad and sorry for oneself. Life sucks. Deal with it.

There is still beauty in the world; life is what you make it.

Women in particular waste a good deal of time and energy on people who don't care about us, and who we don't care about. Life is too short to squander it on things that just don't matter.

Comparing oneself to others is pointless and demeaning.

Zumba!

Just got back from my first-ever Zumba class, and my first-ever visit to Lifetime Fitness. I already love it. It's an awesome place - as impressive as the lifestyle gym in the Tim Allen movie "Joe Somebody". It has a happy, healthy atmosphere that seems more dedicated to a well-rounded life than the pursuit of a bodily ideal.

I'm batting two-for-two as far as workouts lifting my spirits. I should know this. I never look forward to going, but I definitely feel better afterwards.

I'd love to join up with Lifetime, but it's sooo expensive - almost five times the monthly fee at my previous gym, just for the basic individual payment.

Zumba was amazing and surprising: 667 calories, 6760 steps and though I got tired about fifteen minutes in, I was fine after half an hour.

Personal observation: people around me gave me extra space. On a dance floor, that can be a good or bad thing.

I cried myself to sleep last night. Finally mustered up the courage to tell a friend that Patrick and I are divorced. She asked me what I want to do.

(I've been so overwhelmingly sad. I just realized Saturday would have been our tenth anniversary. So many restaurants have been sending cheery emails, congratulating us on the happy day, enjoining us to celebrate with them. I want to check into a motel somewhere and swallow a bullet.)

I told her I don't know.

I don't want to feel this way. I'm tired of being sad, and I know everyone's probably tired of and bored with it too. I want to be strong and resilient and bulletproof and above-it-all. I feel like such a failure.

I tell myself I just need to get through this week, and I will be alright.

I can't help but wonder:

Am I surrounded by idiots, and understandably impatient with them

- or am i really just a bitch?

Dear Diary,

If I were truly honest, I would say that I envy her.
I envy her not needing to work. I envy her still living with her parents and going to school full-time. I envy her future as a doctor being a foregone conclusion. I envy the misplaced confidence she has in her looks and desirability - why was I never so self-assured?

And then there are pangs when I see they way you laugh so easily with her, and I envy that too.

~*~*~*

Someone told me today that I am at my ideal weight, that I should stop losing and strive to maintain myself right where I am. It was a funny sort of compliment to get. I thanked the person, but choose to ignore the recommendation. I'm still six pounds heavier than my old fat weight.

~*~*~*

Today at work I had to pace myself, making sure to get all my breaks and lunches on time, or else I was certain I would kill a particular manager. Not a good sign. Apparently I need a vacation.

FaceBook Statuses today:

Farah Lozano
So happy...

I was just thinking how weary I am of being sad and tired all the time, when I found an opportunity to donate to a cause I find worthwhile. I feel so good for doing so. I am renewed. =) Charity works!
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~*~*~*

Farah Lozano
This is so awesome! If you have Sony Reawrds points you're not using, you can donate them to the American Red Cross, to help them provide aid to Japan! This is my contribution - click and donate today!
Product - Sony Rewards
www.sonyrewards.com
Donate your Sony Rewards Points. As a Sony Card member, you can help by donating your Sony Rewards Points to the American Red Cross in an effort to aid the people of Japan. Your gift will enable the Red Cross to provide shelter, food, emotional support and other assistance to victims across the Paci..
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~*~*~*

Farah Lozano
So apparently my cat ears and tail confused one too many people at work today...joke's on me, haha. Happy April Fools', everyone!

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.Remove PostFarah Lozano
Can't find my favorite pair of cat ears! So annoyed...

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.Kristina SmartCookie THEY DID WHAT--- THOSE PARTY POOPERS! "DISLIKE"!!!
45 minutes ago · UnlikeLike · 1 personLoading....Farah Lozano Yes. Our store has gotten rather staid this past year.
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