Surprisingly, today was a good workout day. I left the gym refreshed and invigorated, a post-workout feeling I haven't felt in a while. It was my first day back in a week and a half. Since then I've helped out at another store; looked up a friend's concert vid on Youtube; made a Chicagoan(?)-approved Italian beef sandwich, for the first time ever; seen "The Dark Knight"; been offered a travel/service job at $19-an-hour; and been hit on by a strange customer who, upon learning I'm married, replied "Well then, I won't waste any more of your time." and spent the next half-hour helping the brunette Nabisco vendor stock cookies.

Krispy Kreme is making grass flip-flops. I don't know why. I think dSquared's lightning-bolt stilettos are wicked sexy. I'm about the infuse some red into my hair, with the help of L'Oreal Color Pulse in, um, Red Pulse.



Shoe links snagged from Shoewawa.

sunday morning.

Patrick and I are taking a Japanese class. Bukambibig ko 'to lately, probably because we're having so much fun. Instead of learning it all in romaji, we are studying vocabulary as well as the Japanese writing system. It feels odd, having to learn to speak and read and write all over again.

After each class I find myself craving a cheeseburger and fries. Something about the way Japanese rolls off the tongue, I guess. I'm not alone anyway: McDonald's is huge in Japan.

Some tree with dusky pink flowers is in bloom right now, and the heady sticky-sweet fragrance hangs in the air as Cocoa and I walk about the apartment complex. A turkey-size grey tabby stalked us.

We might do brunch today at either the Original Pancake House or The Purple Cow, and afterwards I'd like to check out GameWyze.

Post-independence day summation

The other party paid the $1100 in repairs. I made picadillo this week, for the first time in at least a year. We didn't do anything for July 4th besides bathe Cocoa. I want shoes. And a Blackberry Pearl and red hair and maybe green eyes, but only if they're a watery emerald green. But back to the shoes:

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Fendi satin bow-front pumps
$655 at Neiman Marcus



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Jimmy Choo Metallic T-Strap Heel
$595 at Bergdorf's





Wicked. Fierce.

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Ralph Lauren Collection Satin Slides
$198.03 from $425 at Saks

THE MERCEDES WAS HIT AGAIN !)(@##$%)(*$

WTF.

Some Indian lady let go of her shopping cart as Patrick was parking in the lot of my Wal-Mart. According to her, it's not her fault, it's ours for being parked there, and the cart's for rolling two slots down.

The Mercedes was hit. Yet again.

Somebody hit the front passenger side corner while the car was parked outside Patrick's office.

What are the odds of that happening? Three accidents, two of which while the car was parked. Alanis' "Ironic" comes to mind, however questionable the title. There's just no song that I know of that goes "Get nice things/ People shit all over them/ That just sucks".

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My younger sister-in-law seems to have caught whatever it was that I had. We celebrated Dean's birthday at our usual Chinese buffet this past Friday, and said SIL came up to her hubby and said "Hi, handsome", to which he replied coldly "I'm married." She was so hoarse he didn't recognize her voice, and thought that another guy was hitting on him.

I've been sick since Thursday night.

I called in on Friday morning with a bad case of sore throat, and again today. I have to go back to work tomorrow. I don't know if I'm up to it. I've pretty much done nothing but sleep, blow my nose, and take various sore throat remedies (lozenges, tea, lemonade) these past four days. I got up at 6:30, took a shower and got the mail, and I'm already anxious to climb back into bed.

Sometimes I find myself crying over stupid things, and (half-hoping) wonder if I might be pregnant. I never am. Maybe i'm just imbalanced. It's one of those days again. Nothng particularly earthshaking today, and yet here I am again in the pit where hope never shines, where things will never get better and nothing is ever gonna change and if I weren't so afraid of pain or making a mistake, if all I had to do was agree and get it over with, then I would simply say "Yes".

It's not all that bad, I know. But at times like these i KNOW: it's never gonna get much better.

I wonder why living is so difficult for me. Maybe I'm not meant to. Maybe because as a writer, like it or not, whether or not I do any actual writing, I end up living it all twice or thrice or multiples thereof. Maybe I need religion. Or someone who actually needs me, instead of the adults in my life for whom I might be useful or helpful or amusing but never a life-maker or -saver. Maybe a job that makes a difference. I don't know.

I liked Steve Martin's description of Mirabelle in his novella "Shopgirl", though I cannot remember his exact words...something about selling things no one buys anymore. It reminds me that I'd like a fairytale wedding with opera-length gloves and a Cinderella ballroom gown. And then I begin to think about how Patrick wants a sunset wedding, barefoot at the beach, and I begin to wonder how well we really know each other, if we're suited at all.

I got slapped with "Farah, you need to do some crunches or situps or something." at work today. Not as part of casual banter or even bored conversation. Just a slap-and-run, no hi-hello-how-are-you.

The Body Electric

I was born of the energies that swim this universe, deciding one day that a whirl as a glob of cells, fluids and hormones might provide insight. I arrived at this place a screaming, squirming organism, and promptly forgot my mission.

I am relearning and reconciling myself with what I was. I am a watcher, and observer, I know. Yet I forget I no longer possess infinity -- not right now, anyway. Time has essence, in this place. It is no easy balancing act, living and observing, with this biological clock ticking away at this hot mess of glands and organs, neurochemicals and enzymes, social interactions and emotional responses.

I pass this way but once. I must. not. forget. I am not merely serving time here; reunion will be at the end of a fruitful, meaningful life. I am meant to live. I must not forget.

Metallica fan?

Check out the Bonnaroo Music + Arts Festical gydget I've just added. Include it on your own page and you just might win VIP tickets!

Recently viewed:

Dan in Real Life

I liked the shower scene best.

Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married.

This movie touched me so much...when Gavin finally broke through Patricia's denial...when Sheila asked that the sheriff pray with her after their first kiss...when Terry admits that his secretary isn't pregnant with twins...when Sheila describes her emotional journey...

handy girl

This past week I'd grown tired of asking Patrick that we stop by Home Depot for a part to fix the toilet with. Yesterday I bought what apparently is called a flapper, and this morning I installed it. I'm so proud of myself.

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Saw August Rush last night, and -- being a music girl -- wanted to like it more than I actually did. The movie asks you to suspend so much disbelief and the plot twist are so contrived I was squirming in my seat egging the main characters to look around, to figure it out. The ending wasn't so much an uplift as merely a relief.

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Just finished Lipstick Mafia 103. All affairs are the same: Kirby and Nico, Carrie and Big...how quickly they go from steamy to seedy. I hate the harassment twist, and though I'd love to love Brooke Shields as Wendy, she's unbelievably tentative and annoying.

Some days there's just no getting comfortable in your own skin,
no deadline is passing that can simply be slept away,
and there aren't enough chocolates
or roses
or shoes
or teddy bears
to make it all better.

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I've just finished watching "The Breakup".

What happened here? What went on? I don't know, not really. He's being himself, and she was being a girl, trying to put him through loops to guide him to realize the "want to want to change". Who is this guy, who lead such a charmed life that he never has to do anything he doesn't want to do, and everyone loves him? He's a jackass through the 80% or so of the movie. What is his appeal, or her major malfunction (sorry -- Vincent D'Onofrio's in the movie and I couldn't resist) that she is so anxious to get him to appreciate her that she breaks up with him and arranges a slew of dates to make him jealous? And why in the twisted minds of women does this seem like a solution?

I've been watching more movies than might be considered healthy.

At least one a day.

It's Not Such a Wonderful Life: "The Butterfly Effect"
Though the ending to the theatrical version was sweeter, I think the director's cut was more fitting: it tied up all the loose ends, made sense of both the fortune teller's words and the protagonist's effects on his loved ones' lives. Interestingly, the movie became an antithesis to "It's a Wonderful Life".

"No Reservations"
Reactions to this movie have commented on the lack of chemistry amongst the players: the man, the woman, the child... I thought Catherine Zeta-Jones nailed the character of the brilliant perfectionist chef. If she's unemotional it's because she doesn't know how to be, that she found too long ago that the path to success in a man's world necessitated subsuming all else that she might be towards her work. She thawed out of course, in a "Philadelphia Story" kind of way.

"Labyrinth"
Though still a charming kids' movie, I am sad to report that "Labyrinth" does not wear its age well. The Muppeteering and musical numbers that seemed magical in their time are simply dated.

i'm so frustrated right now.

my car's all banged up. The fact that I haven't really been driving it is beside the point.

A few months back we got into a little fender-bender with a lady who ran her red stop sign, had an infant in the back seat, and didn't have current insurance. We never got the bumper and other damage fixed, because we're perennially broke and she skipped town.

Now someone else has backed into the car, and there's damage to the passenger-side door and a different fender. I want to cry. I was watching "Snow Buddies" when I got the call, but even adorable cinematic puppies can only do so much.

An Uncharacteristic Green Note

Check out how long each of these products take to decompose in the environment…

Banana Peel: 3-4 weeks
Paper Bag: 1 month
Cotton Rag: 5 months
Wool Sock : 1 year
Lumber : 10-15 years
Tinned Steel Can: 80-100 years
Aluminum Can : 200-500 years (But if recycled, it can be reused within 6 weeks!)
Disposable Diapers: 500-600 years
Plastic Bags : 1 million years
Glass : Unknown
Styrofoam: Eternity

Knowing this, I was surprised to have a friend point out the friendly little recyclable logo on the bottom of a Styrofoam plate. But recycling centers for polystyrene plastics such as Styrofoam and Thermocol are not common.

The truth is, if you aren't sorting your trash and shipping off your recyclables to recycling centers, then recyclability and the decomposition rates posted above do not apply. Your garbage is going to a landfill somewhere, where biodegradation slows to a snail's pace, if it occurs at all. I'm sure you've heard about the 20-year-old newspapers, excavated from a landfill, that were still legible.

What's the holdup? Well, for one thing safety and economy trump decomposition rates in landfill construction, and for another, the presence of recyclables slows the biodegradation process. National Geographic estimates that U.S. landfills consist of 40% to 50% paper waste, 20% to 30% construction debris, and 1.2% disposable diapers.

So please,

Reduce,
Reuse,
Recycle.

today i

bought myself my Valentine's Day at half-off: Dove chocolates, a pink plush throw, and an impossibly cute red teddy bear hugging a heart-shaped pillow imploring, "Be Mine". There were no Pot of Gold boxes to be had. My new plushie's name is Elvis.

watched and enjoyed "No Reservations" because it had cooking and food and Catherine Zeta-Jones and was vague and pensive and somehow detached, like my mood of late.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I wore my red satin Nicole Millers today, in celebration of the holiday. Here are other red high heels you could have been strutting around in today:

Guess? Arabella
$40 from $79.99



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Jessica Simpson Justine
$88.95 at Nordstrom
























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Vince Camuto Lottie

$119.95 at Nordstrom

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Linea Paolo Babe

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The Highest Heel Hottie

$54.95 at Zappos

Payless Wishlist 020508

One thing I don't do often enough is visit the Payless website. The array of designers and reasonable prices are the attraction, and the quick turnover of styles assures you that everyone and their dog won't be sporting your cute and affordable new kicks.

Abaeté for Payless Bayley d'Orsay Pump

$35 originally, now just $15 on sale.


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Abaete for Payless Harlow Pump, $30


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Abaeté for Payless Kaye Pleated Boot
$48 originally, on sale for $24.


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Lindy Patent Peep-Toe Pump
$19.99 originally, on sale for $15.99


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Love Peep-Toe, $39.99


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Patricia Field Sushi Platform Boot
$25 from $55


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Patricia Field for Payless Tempura Platform Sandal
$18 from $40

martian sunset

The sky casts an eerie, alien glow today, red-orange and unfamiliar. The rainstorm seemed violent this morning around 4, fat raindrops drumming on the roof and thunder clashing dramatically. Somewhere in a neighboring county a sleepy father threw aside the comforter and let his terrified sons crawl under the covers.

We saw a faint rainbow on the way from work today, little more than a multicolored vertical slice.

I enjoy the rain, in a vicarious sort of way. It feels like heaven is crying for me.