loneliness

It's 2 a.m., and I'm wide awake.

I talk to so many people now in the course of my day, and yet I am lonely.

Cocoa puked on the rug and there are dirty dishes in the sink and it seems that all I ever do is invisible work.

I'm so tired of people saying I don't work.

I don't know anymore what it would take for a rewarding and fulfilling life. It seems like it all requires so much effort, and that it would be so much simpler to fast-foward to the end of it all. How many sleeping pills would it take, I wonder absently.

I'm not suicidal. I'm just bored. And, just maybe, in despair.