new year's eve and i'm home alone.

Patrick is working from 7 pm tonight until 7 a.m. tomorrow. So I'm sitting at the computer desk, picking at doctored fruitcake while tapping out a blog entry.

The fruitcake started out nonalcoholic: Jeannette in the bakery offered to bake Luz a fruitcake, which Luz requested be made sans the usual spirits, because she wanted her sons to try it as well. Apple juice was substituted and the result was exceedingly hard and dry; the brandy or rum is what keeps fruitcake moist.

We polished off half the cake anyway, and I took the leftovers home. Microwaving individual servings helped soften the cake, but not by much. These past few days I've been tending to the fruitcake with my favorite Asti (since i don't have any liquor). The fruitcake should ideally be wrapped in a cheesecloth soaked in rum or brandy, with daily refills. I've used up two-thirds of a single-serve bottle on a chunk that fits in a cappuccino mug. The results are pleasing enough, disregarding the sad little dried fruits which were beyond my healing skills.

Happy New Year!!!

FMPs, by Givenchy

in navy,
bordeaux:


and black.
reduced at shoes.com, from $499.99 to $349.99

today was a happy day

Awaji Sushi

Jared: The Galleria of Jewelry

Gaylord Texan Ice!

Neiman Marcus Last Call

And we only spent about $85 total.

more later,
f

i don't know how to sleep over

luz was surprised that i asked patrick to pick me up at 8, on his way from work this morning. On the way home, Patrick also said that he'd expected me to spend the day -- or at least, the morning -- at luz's.

nakitulog lang talaga 'ko. lol. malay ko ba -- it was my very first sleepover, 'no?

Blanca made beans and salsa, and brought red and green party chips, leftover birthday cake plus fajitas from El Torito. Since she had work yesterday and today, and had cooked besides, she fell asleep halfway through the movie. Luz started snoring shortly after the opening credits. Apparently she'd only gotten three hours of sleep; it's hard for most of us to get some shuteye in daylight.

Tinulugan ako ng mga kasama 'ko. Syet.

The movie, "Calendar Girls", was sweet and remarkable in that it was based on a true story and all the characters are credibly portrayed. No one is purely spiteful or simply evil; each has his/her own motivations and just when you think someone might veer towards a cliche, he/she corrects him/herself.

Surprisingly, Patrick has agreed to watch "In Her Shoes" with me. I don't know what it's about but I am hoping against hope that there will actually be some fab designer shoes featured in the movie at some point. Or we may not go after all. I'm getting sleepy. And dangerously addicted to chocolate-covered cherries, even tho Patrick has likened the flavor experience to biting into a scented candle.

I've been dying for some really good fruitcake. It's all YOUR fault, fruitcake.


~*~*~*~*

i also want this shoe. It is the Christian Louboutin Helmoon (a dressed-up Helmut), pictured here in hard-to-find navy blue (only 10 units in stock!!!). Lovely, lovely satin pump studded with crystals in such a way as to inspire one to sing ~Vincent~: "Starry, starry night..."

~*~*~*
Buying info

Helmut:
in black, from Foot Candy Shoes. Limited sizes.
every so often from eBay.

Helmoon:
in black, from Foot Candy Shoes. Limited sizes.
every so often from eBay.

They say that life is what happens while you're busy planning something else.

And so it is that in my 27th year I have found a life of my own.

It's been a rough month. December is always the worst time of year for me: i age a year, work is hellish, and depression is inevitable.

It hasn't helped that I've had to accept that I do not know how to judge people. I just don't. I've been stumbling around for over a quarter of a century, trying people on for size. And trying to make poor fits work, when I really shouldn't.

If you are lucky, you will wake up and realize that through all this bumbling, your true friends and family, the ones you love and who love you, are looking on, smiling and selfless. I am such an idiot. And I am so very fortunate, to be loved like this.

I love my husband, Patrick. He is eternally patient and considerate, understanding and forgiving. With me, anyway. He makes me laugh, shares whimsical observations, and hides nothing. For the most part. And no matter how crazy I get, he loves me still.

I love my friends, Blanca and Luz. I realized this yesterday as we traded inexpensive gifts, shared fruitcake and fudge, and laughed giddily for half an hour till our sides ached. For the first time, I have girlfriends who know me inside out, who I never need to explain myself to, who cheer me on and really, truly believe I am capable of anything, though i hardly believe it of myself.

I love my family, though I haven't seen them in years. We think fondly of one another, over distance and the years. Disappointment and grief have given way to a open curiosity and friendly helpfulness and occasional, unexpected kindnesses, because "we are family, after all".

~*~*~*

Merry Christmas to all -- whether you spend it with loving friends and family, or blissfully solitary.

Christmas fudge

I made a quadruple batch of fudge (half plain, half rocky road) on Christmas Eve. A quarter went to Blanca, another quarter to Luz. We shared another fourth during our last break, remainder of which I gave to Lida when I learned that it was her birthday.

Of what was left, half was gifted to the in-laws, and the rest we kept. I wish I'd taken pictures.

~*~*~*

Christmas has been postponed for us until the 27th. I worked yesterday, Patrick worked last night, and we'll both be working overnight tonight.

Knowing that she'd have to work this weekend, Luz insisted that her family go to Disney World without her. Just because she wasn't free to travel didn't mean that they had to stay. Her hubby and two sons left for Orlando today, and will be back by the end of the week. Before leaving, Kevin, the younger boy, advised her, "Mom, while we're gone, have fun! This whole house is yours, and you're free to do whatever you want: stay up late, have sleepovers...anything you want to do."

We agree that Kevin should never be allowed free reign of the house.

We do like the sleepover suggestion, though. Since Patrick will be working overnight on Monday, and Luz and I are off on Tuesday, Luz, Blanca and I have decided to have a little slumber party Monday night. It's kinda funny: three grown, married women having the pajama party they never experienced growing up. I think all we'll be doing is eating Domino's Pizza and watching "Calendar Girls".

~*~*~*

My new Filipina coworker, who never speaks to me, asked if I want to hang out sometime. "Sorry, I don't drive." It's always been a convenient fallback. "It's okay; I do." Apparently she lives about ten minutes away and has Filipino friends. Kung seloso ba daw asawa ko.

Patrick got a visit from Death on Christmas Eve

Near midnight, a drunk stumbled into the lobby of Patrick's hotel. "Can I help you, sir?" Patrick asked. No reply. "If you'd like to check in I'll have to see some I.D."

The man reaches for the right back pocket of his jeans, pulls his wallet out, thinks twice, and stuffs the wallet back in his pocket. "My name's Death."

"Okayyy...Mister 'Death', I'll still need to see some I.D. Are you registered to a room here?"

"I'm registered to the lobby." He stands around for a bit, and Patrick waits. If the man sits down, then he is trespassing, and Patrick is free to call the cops.

"I don't know where my car is." A pause. "Do you think the keys are outside?" He wanders out onto the parking lot, and nothing more is heard of him.


~*~*~*

According to a recent survey, infidelity is no longer a question of "if", but "when"? This is according to Patrick's favorite morning radio talk show.

Patrick thinks it will be me; I think it will be him. We have both agreed that if it hasn't happened before Patrick turns 40, he will definitely undergo a midlife crisis by then, buy a Porsche 911 Turbo, and find a barely-legal busty blonde named Stephanie.

Patrick has an online (guy) friend who is single, available and becoming more and more attracted to a coworker who happens to have a boyfriend. Said friend has put up pics of the prospect for the guys' approval, and they all agree that she is a hottie.

The question of course is whether or not he should have sex with her. She seems willing enough. The consensus is that as long as he can think of this as merely play, then go for it. It can't become a serious relationship, because another guy just like him is bound to come along.
~*~*~*

Patrick woke up grumpy the other day. Apparently he'd dreamt that we were no longer together but still supported each other financially. In his dream, he'd remarried unhappily, and his wife was ugly. The end.

~*~*~*

what your favorite "Hello Kitty" aficionado needed for Christmas this year

It's only $3250 at Neiman's. No, I didn't forget a decimal.

They have other ridiculously-overpriced (though comparatively affordable) Hello Kitty trinkets.

glimmers of hope

Jim Brickman's ~The Gift~

~Fallin'~, from the musical "They're Playing Our Song"

~Once Upon a December~, from the animated movie "Anastasia"

fuck tolerance and political correctness,

you protest too much.
please, don't say it again
"i don't mean to be ~, but..."
News flash. You do. Absolutely you do.
Go ahead, try it on for size."I mean to be..."
Rude. Judgmental. Sexist. Racist. Go on.
Revel in it.
You needlessly tiptoe down the path.
Hop skip jump fly free!
Speed your way to your true self.
Hate. Hate hate hatehatehate
Hitler had the right idea after all, didn't he?
Savor this. Self-knowledge is a beautiful thing.

i have a new favorite site for geek chic

http://www.elsewares.com/commerce/index.php

musical hodgepodge

The Corrs' ~Breathless~
The classic ~At Last~

These two are originals. Song fragments, really.

~Toxic boxes~
I was listening to way too much Alanis and Tori at the time. End of discussion.

~How Will the Night Be~
I am told this sounds more like an introduction to a song number in a musical, rather than a stand-alone piece. Too bad I don't have a piano, otherwise I'd play the simple accompaniment I came up with as well.

Let's call them "Ugh"s

If a giant rainbow-colored cat hurled a hairball, it would probably look like this:



Gotta have 'em? Then get thee to Zappos.com, where apparently, you are not alone.

Jose Marie Chan

The last thing I heard about him was that he had changed his name from Jose Mari to Jose Marie... supposedly more auspicious numerologically. In the sixth grade I was crazy about his "Constant Change" album, which my (older younger) brother had saved up his allowance to buy at the local music shop. Visit Wikipedia's article fragment on him here -- or better yet, add to the stub.

~*~*~*

~No Rewind, No Replay~
~Sing Me a Song Again, Daddy~

~lookin' for love in all the wrong places~

i woke up after two hours' sleep with that line playing in my head. And then i stumbled across this story:

The End of Summer

~*~*~*

I woke up angrily, having left so many chores and bedtime rituals undone because i was sooo exhausted at the end of another long week. For an obsessive-compulsive, this is of course a prescription for an irritable awakening.

I don't doubt that seeing Sophie again added to my weariness. Odd how a person can be standing so close and seem so far away. We are separated by years and the golden ticket i let slip: the college diploma. She seems happy enough: finished with Walmart, even as a manager, and now an MBA-holder and VP of some sort with a shipping company.

There are thoughts I think, that make me feel guilty and evil and sad for myself. To state the heart of it simply, and without comparing myself to any one person:
IQ percentile rank: 99.997
household income percentile rank: 57 (estimated)

The two don't correlate, of course. And yet I castigate myself with thoughts such as these at 1 a.m., when I am tired and sad and vulnerable and really should be wa(l)king the dog, washing the dishes or maybe even thinking my way out of this mess.

money books

i'm currently rereading "Smart Women Finish Rich". Another catchy book title has caught my eye: "The money book for the young, fabulous & broke". I'm on currently #3 in the hold queue for this title at the local library.

how can you not love italy?

Pavarotti, Bocelli, Bartoli. Rome, Milan, Venice. Pizza. Pasta. Beef carpaccio. Da Vinci, Donatello, Michelangelo. Armani. Cavalli. Dolce & Gabbana. Gucci. Prada. Versace. Lamborghini, Ferrari, Alfa-Romeo. Tiramisu, gelato, granite. Roberto Benigni, Sophia Loren, Isabella Rossellini. Espresso, cappuccino, and the biscotti to go with them.

And today, Perugina panettone.



I am told by Maria, a coworker from Peru, that it is a tradition in her country to eat panettone (Perugina brand preferred) to mark the start of the Christmas season. And so today she brought a little bit of Peruvian Christmas to share.

~*~*~*
Bette Midler's ~He was too good to me/Since you stayed here~

tomorrow's forecast:

a high of 32 degrees, a low of 11.

i need thick socks.

~*~*~*

Got a nice pair of metallic peep toes from Ross, and these canvas slip-ons half-price at DSW:
They are much paler pink than the picture, closer to shell than cotton candy.

lunch with the ladies has been postponed for thursday

blanca called in today and luz is swamped with work.

Which means a quiet birthday here at home: just me, patrick, and the tiramisu =)

~*~*~*

My Favorite Metallics:

Scoop NYC's bronze ballet flats


Stuart Weitzman Peep-toe Slingbacks


Kate Spade Helen Metallic Sandals


Kate Spade Glimpse Snake Print Slingback

it hasn't been easy being me lately

but there are things i am thankful for:

my wonderful husband;

my distant but still much-beloved family;

my sweet chocolate lab, an endless source of amusement;

my fabulous friends, who are hosting a lunch for me tomorrow.

The usual things: health, intelligence, not-ugliness, multiple talents.

There are so many things I envy about others' lives, but most would preclude the type of blissful evening I spent tonight: quietly making tiramisu from scratch -- my contribution to tomorrow's potluck gathering. I even had time to whip heavy cream the old-fashioned way: with a whisk, because I (thought i did but apparently i) don't know where my electric hand mixer is.

Time is a luxury most people don't seem to have anymore. It is a gift I guard jealously, and for which I am most grateful.

new recordings

~The Jewel Song~ ("Ah! Je ris, de mi voir si belle en ce miroir"), from Faust
~The Words Get in the Way~ by Gloria Estefan
~Handog~ yeah, yeah, ate shawie's signature song

bumping off the junk food pix

just to see how the new template really looks.

~*~*~*

why oh why must this sexy red clutch cost over 5 grand? I'm not even gonna talk about the waitlist.

re: the question of blue eyes

not blogging has been strange, very strange. Though I was neither prolific nor consistent as a blogger, once I'd stopped I found I had steady stream of blog-readying thoughts with no outlet. I'd catch myself making mental notes and taking verbal snapshots of things I'd seen, quirky comments I'd overheard, musings on the meaning of it all.

And somehow it seemed that the most sensible way to keep all these random thoughts in check was to crowd them out with others' words. Plus, I suddenly had so much more free time and had really missed reading literarily so I hit the library.

I'm currently reading "Memoirs of a Geisha" for the first time, and I absolutely love the lyrical phrasing. I am reminded of Filipino short stories in English, and of lazy high school afternoons spent reading them whilst peeling dalanghita.

I would be excited about the upcoming movie , but it's from Sony pictures, none of the female leads are Japanese, the star is Zhang Ziyi, and her eyes are blue. Why are her eyes blue? In the book, Chiyo/Sayuri's eyes are described as translucent gray, just like her mother's: "the same peculiar eyes of a sort you almost never see in Japan".

these flats are kinda cute

in black, not pink. Or i could just be blinded by the cute price tag: only $19.50!

Old Navy's Velvet Mary Janes