~lookin' for love in all the wrong places~

i woke up after two hours' sleep with that line playing in my head. And then i stumbled across this story:

The End of Summer

~*~*~*

I woke up angrily, having left so many chores and bedtime rituals undone because i was sooo exhausted at the end of another long week. For an obsessive-compulsive, this is of course a prescription for an irritable awakening.

I don't doubt that seeing Sophie again added to my weariness. Odd how a person can be standing so close and seem so far away. We are separated by years and the golden ticket i let slip: the college diploma. She seems happy enough: finished with Walmart, even as a manager, and now an MBA-holder and VP of some sort with a shipping company.

There are thoughts I think, that make me feel guilty and evil and sad for myself. To state the heart of it simply, and without comparing myself to any one person:
IQ percentile rank: 99.997
household income percentile rank: 57 (estimated)

The two don't correlate, of course. And yet I castigate myself with thoughts such as these at 1 a.m., when I am tired and sad and vulnerable and really should be wa(l)king the dog, washing the dishes or maybe even thinking my way out of this mess.