Sunday, December 25, 2005

They say that life is what happens while you're busy planning something else.

And so it is that in my 27th year I have found a life of my own.

It's been a rough month. December is always the worst time of year for me: i age a year, work is hellish, and depression is inevitable.

It hasn't helped that I've had to accept that I do not know how to judge people. I just don't. I've been stumbling around for over a quarter of a century, trying people on for size. And trying to make poor fits work, when I really shouldn't.

If you are lucky, you will wake up and realize that through all this bumbling, your true friends and family, the ones you love and who love you, are looking on, smiling and selfless. I am such an idiot. And I am so very fortunate, to be loved like this.

I love my husband, Patrick. He is eternally patient and considerate, understanding and forgiving. With me, anyway. He makes me laugh, shares whimsical observations, and hides nothing. For the most part. And no matter how crazy I get, he loves me still.

I love my friends, Blanca and Luz. I realized this yesterday as we traded inexpensive gifts, shared fruitcake and fudge, and laughed giddily for half an hour till our sides ached. For the first time, I have girlfriends who know me inside out, who I never need to explain myself to, who cheer me on and really, truly believe I am capable of anything, though i hardly believe it of myself.

I love my family, though I haven't seen them in years. We think fondly of one another, over distance and the years. Disappointment and grief have given way to a open curiosity and friendly helpfulness and occasional, unexpected kindnesses, because "we are family, after all".

~*~*~*

Merry Christmas to all -- whether you spend it with loving friends and family, or blissfully solitary.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

wow. you posted a lot since the last time i visited. which i believe was a day ago fruitcake.

the infidelity thing is interesting to me, especially in that you both accepted it. fruitcake. but not so far as to say that you'll be the first. relationships - crazy stuff.

walmart sold polar express dvds with fruitcake broken parts on the inside. can kuya jr return his with a fruitcake receipt and get a new one? he saved the upc.

-h

faerah said...

dear fruitcake,

yes, apparently i'm fruitcake #2, with nothing better to do on Christmas than catch up on my blogging.

cheating is so rampant, it's seems to be a fact of life. Not for us (so far) but certainly for most people we know.

he can exchange it for the exact same dvd and open it there to ensure that it doesn't have the same problem. If it does, get something else.

Broken jewel casing is a result of poor packaging planning on the part of the manufacturer. Sometimes the plastic bits scratch the disc, rendering it unplayable. This was a problem with the LOTR collector's ed too.

Anonymous said...

haha i wasn't calling you a fruitcake, i was just trying to get subliminal messages into your head to try and get you to send me some serious texas fruitcake. at least i succeeded in making you crave it.

that's a really early end to a sleepover. n00b.

-h