a day beginning and ending with rain

We stopped by the leasing office and renewed our lease for another year. Rent's gone up $5 a month. This morning it rained, the first I've known since the city began observing Stage 3 water restrictions in mid-June. The ten-day weather forecast guesses at future thunderstorms. This drought might finally be over.

Cocoa and I just got back from another walk. We both got a little wet from the drizzle.

I've been trying to "grow" myself these past few weeks. It hasn't been easy. I find I mentally flagellate myself for thoughts that most people would probably consider normal but which I, in my efforts to reprogram my thinking, deem unhelpful, counterproductive and even unworthy.

I know I'm not making much sense.

My eternal quest for self-improvement is rooted mostly in self-hatred, I fear. And that doesn't really mesh very well with the "knowing and accepting oneself" that begins these rescripting and healing processes. It's like the Broadway show: "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change!"

I've lost three pounds somehow; I'm back down to 127. In spite of, or perhaps because of this loss, I pigged out most of today, emptying a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, a bag of Chewy Chips Ahoy, and a big bowl of Neapolitan ice cream. My tummy's as taut as a drum.

Spent most of this week monitoring and tweaking my virtual stock portfolios, of which I now have two. One of them is bleeding money because I made the mistake of putting $10,000 into
Proguard Acquisition Corp (PGRD). It's now trading at $1.80, for a grand total of $7,200 which I can't pull out because this particular "game" has a minimum trade price of $2.00.

The highlight of my holdings has been Collectible Concepts Group, Inc. (CCGI), a company that deals with licensed sports merchandise. I've made $5,ooo off of this gem thus far.