!

!!!

At the gym I find myself checking out other people's

Exercise form? No. Physiques? Ha. It's their shoes. I need a second serviceable pair of workout shoes.

~*~*~*

Caroline was at the gym during my workout. So much for slacking off today. She checked up on me when she'd finished her session with another trainee, and showed me how to use the squat machine. And despite all my griping I actually had a satisfying total-body workout. I still feel self-conscious, though. I wonder if it would help if I wore more flattering workout clothes, i.e., actual coordinated fitness outfits, as opposed to wardrobe rejects I was planning on donating to Goodwill because they are worn, stained or just plain ugly.

~*~*~*

Alice Cooper's Poison is sexyfabulous. (See lyrics below.) The vid was almost great, ruined only by the laughable ending.

~*~*~*

The birthday goodies keep on coming. Romano's Macaroni Grill emailed a coupon for a free piece of chocolate cake, which is fabulous because I still want that operatic birthday serenade. (I missed out last year because my birthday just happened to fall on their singer's day off.) And this morning while at work I got a call from American Laser Centers, and was told that I'd won $300 towards any of their laser hair removal or skin rejuvenation packages. If I sign up by tomorrow I can take advantage of their end-of-the-month specials: an additional $100 off plus a free microdermabrasion gift card. Too bad I don't have an extra grand lying around to splurge on unplanned laser hair removal.

Poison

Poison lyrics
Alice Cooper
Trash

Your cruel device
Your blood, like ice
One look could kill
My pain, your thrill

Chorus:
I wanna love you but I better not touch (Don't touch)
I wanna hold you but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you but I want it too much (Too much)
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison running through my veins
You're poison
I don't wanna break these chains

Your mouth, so hot
Your web, I'm caught
Your skin, so wet
Black lace on sweat

Chorus:
I hear you callin' and it's needles and pins (And pins)
I wanna hurt you just to hear you screamin' my name
Don't wanna touch you but you're under my skin (Deep in)
I wanna kiss you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison runnin' through my veins
You're poison
I don't wanna break these chains
Poison

One look could kill
My pain, your thrill

Chorus:
I wanna love you but I better not touch (Don't touch)
I wanna hold you but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you but I want it too much (Too much)
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison runnin' through my veins
You're poison
I don't wanna break these chains
Poison

Chorus:
I wanna love you but I better not touch (Don't touch)
I wanna hold you but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you but I want it too much (Too much)
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison, yeah
I don't want to break these chains

Poison, oh no
Runnin' deep inside my veins
Burnin' deep inside my veins
It's poison
I don't wanna break these chains
Poison

Now *that's* a dedication.

It's 5 a.m., and I haven't been able to sleep, but this brought tears to my eyes.

From the Wiki article on lyricist Howard Ashman:

"Ashman died on March 14, 1991, at age 40, during the making of both 'Beauty and the Beast' and 'Aladdin'. Ashman and Menken had finished the songs for 'Beauty and the Beast', but Tim Rice was brought in to finish Aladdin songs with Menken. 'Beauty and the Beast' was dedicated to him with the following:

To our friend, Howard,
Who gave a mermaid her voice,
and a beast his soul.
We will be forever grateful.
Howard Ashman
1950-1991"

All I Need

All I Need lyrics
Matchbox 20
More Than You Think You Are

Everywhere someone's gettin' over
Everybody cries
And sometimes you can still lose even if you really try
Talkin' 'bout the dream
Like the dream is over
Talk like that
Won't get you nowhere
Everybody's trusting in the heart
Like the heart don't lie

Chorus:
And that's all that I need, yeah
Someone else to cling to, yeah
Someone I can lean on
Until I don't need to
Just stay all through the night and
In the mornin' let me down
'Cause that's all that I need right now

Everywhere someone's gettin' over
Everybody's life is someone
People still use other people with a crooked smile
And all around the world there's a sinkin' feelin'
Out there right now someone's feeling down
On themselves and don't know why
Every night

Chorus:
And that's all that I need, yeah
Someone else to cling to, yeah
Someone I can lean on
Until I don't need to
Just stay all through the night and
In the mornin' let me down
'Cause that's all that I need right now

And life ain't no beauty show
We don't know where tomorrow ends
And when we're sad
It's kind of a drag, oh

Just stay all through the night and
In the mornin' let me down
Yeah, 'cause that's all that I need
Yeah, that's all that I need
Yeah, that's all that I need
That's all that I need right now
Right now

my birthday came early this year

Today I received:

a coupon for a free NesQuik milkshake
a coupon for a free Armor All product
a coupon for $5 off a purchase of $19.90+ at DSW
and "Don't Play With Matches", the collection of demo and studio recordings that led to the self-titled album by Tabitha's Secret <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tabitha%27s_Secret> (Rob Thomas's original band). The early version of "3 a.m." sounds so lazy, haha.

Bianca and I settled on lunch plans for my birthday: Panda Express.

~*~*~*

Had my first strength training workout today, and I feel pretty good about it. I love love love the Precor Stretch Trainer -- it's my favorite piece of gym equipment.



Precor Stretch Trainer, $795 at BigFitness.com

~*~*~*

In other news, Patrick may be joining up with a different, more serious clan; I'm seriously considering auditioning for "American Idol" next year; and Cocoa ran away this morning. We found her, and she's safely back home, but I was 12 minutes late for work.

exhausted

i am done with trying to figure it all out. I've been thinking so long and so hard, trying to turn it over in my head, trying to make sense of it, trying to understand. I can't anymore. I'm tired of this.

If I were truly honest, I might have to say that I feel I have been toyed with. I am angry, I suppose. And hurt, and resentful.

Instead I say "You're confusing me!". And, "Okay honey, if that's what you want."

This weekend is finally, finally over.

Saving yourself for marriage isn't all the romantic crap it's cut out to be. The biggest problem of course being that you're signing away your sex life till the day you die to someone you've never tried it out with, and can only hope you will be sexually compatible with.

i should have known.

Just when you think you have it all figured out,
life throws you a curve ball.

Just shoot me, please.

The next time I begin to think I know anything about anything,
just shoot me.

I've officially entered the realm of the fucked up.

woulda shoulda coulda

Caught the beginning of the Star Trek: TNG episode "Transfigurations" on G4. Geordi is asking for dating advice and Worf tells him, "Words come later. It is the scent that first speaks of love."

~*~*~*

I don't know what I'm doing. I'm getting so confused. I don't want to stop. But I know what needs to be done.

Still haven't started my diet. I skipped Wednesday's workout because I was tired; Friday's because I didn't have the time, I'd only had two hours of sleep, and I could play catchup on Saturday; and today well... I just didn't feel like it. I still weigh 130 on the scale here at home, so if Monday's gym reading is still 133.5, then it's not a backslide, merely a postponement.

I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna...

Goodbye

Goodbye lyrics
Air Supply
Ultimate Air Supply

I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have so much more
I can feel your heart and I sympathize
And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life

I don't wanna let you down
I don't wanna lead you on
I don't wanna hold you back
From where you might belong

Chorus:
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye

You deserve a chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure I'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me

I don't wanna let you down
I don't wanna lead you on
I don't wanna hold you back
From where you might belong

Chorus:
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye

no wonder patrick doesn't need to work out, and i do

I eat thrice as much as he does.

My throat is sore and I should have been home and in bed three hours ago, but I feel fine. I had three plates of Thanksgiving dinner: entrees x 2 plus one for all the desserts. Spent most of the evening singing karaoke. An adorable little pigtailed tot named Hannah sat two feet across from me, in rapt attention through my rendition of Hero (Wind Beneath My Wings). Then she stood up, tripped on the microphone cord and burst into tears. Awww.

Someone brought a mini-pinscher named Rocky who was so timid and quiet we couldn't help but feel sorry for him. I shredded turkey onto a dessert plate and fed him as he watched "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me".

Most of my evening was spent hogging the karaoke mic. There was a longhaired guy there who apparently is also a Matchbox 20 fan. He queued up and sang "Bent" and "Unwell" and I took "If You're Gone". Patrick and I weren't the last guests to arrive, but we were the last to leave. Towards the end of the party I made my way through the song listing to my old favorites: The Carpenters, Gloria Estefan and Jewel, including "Near You Always".

Near You Always

Near You Always lyrics
Jewel
Pieces of You

Please don't say I love you
Those words touch me much too deeply
And they make my core tremble
Don't think you realize the effect you have over me
And please don't look at me like that
It just makes me want to make you near me always

And please don't kiss me so sweet
It makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow
And please don't touch me like that
Makes every other embrace seem pale and shallow
And please don't come so close
It just makes me want to make you near me always

Please don't bring me flowers
They only whisper the sweet things you'd say
And don't try to understand me
Your hands already move too much anyway
It makes me wanna make you near me always

And when you look in my eyes
Please know my heart is in your hands
It's nothing that I understand
But in your arms you have complete power over me
So be gentle if you please 'cause your hands are in my hair
but my heart is in your teeth, baby
And it makes me want to make you near me always

Your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth, baby
And it makes me wanna make you near me always
Wanna be near you always
Wanna be near you always
Wanna be near you always

happy thanksgiving, all

I didn't watch the Macy's Thanksgiving parade nor the Cowboys game, so don't ask me who won. It was a beautiful day for a walk: clear blue skies, balmy breeze. Despite the landscapers' efforts, bright yellow dandelions still thrive around here. I plucked one for myself while walking Cocoa this morning. It sits limp and dejected on my cluttered desk; I'd forgotten to put it in water when we got home.

I'm all dressed up and ready for Thanksgiving dinner. I'm tapping out a blog entry in a black velvet dress and lace-trimmed leggings. The apartment smells like Thanksgiving. I have a pecan pie, a pumpkin pie and two flans cooling on the stove. Just waiting for Patrick to get dressed and we're headed off to the in-laws'. Yes, it's 8 pm, but they eat late. Really late.

Got off the phone half an hour ago. I've been catching up with my mom and little sister (yes, you'll always be my "little" sister), wishing everyone a happy holiday and whatnot. Apparently the older sis is working on baby #5. She'll be 30 in February.

And I'll be 28 next month and still barren.

okay, things I am thankful for:

a loving husband
an affectionate dog
good health

and wonderful friends who keep me smiling.

Downfall

Downfall lyrics
Matchbox 20
More Than You Think You Are

I wonder how you sleep
I wonder what you think of me
If I could go back
Would you have ever been with me
I want you to be unleased
I want you to remember
I want you to believe in me
I want you on my side

chorus:
Come on and lay it down
I've always been with you
Here and now
Give all that's within you
Be my savior
And I'll be your downfall
Oh-hoh, oh-hoh, oh-hoh

Here we go again
Ashamed of being broken in
We're getting off track
I wanna get you back again
I want you to trouble me
I wanted you to linger
Yeah, I want you to agree with me
I want so much so bad

chorus:
Come on and lay it down
I've always been with you
Here and now
Give all that's within you
Be my savior
And I'll be your downfall
Oh-hoh, oh-hoh, oh-hoh

Yeah, be my savior
(Only love can save us now
Come lay me down
Only love can save us now)

I'll be your downfall
(I'll be your downfall
Our love can save us now
Oh-hoh, save me now)

Lay it down
I've always been with you
Hear me now
With all that's within you
Be my savior
And I'll be your downfall
Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh
(Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh
Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh)

Now I'm back on my own
Hear my feet, they're made of stone
Man, I make you go where I go
Well here can I take you home
Well, I'm coming home on my back
Is it me or this painted black

Saying oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh
Let me be your downfall
Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh
Let me be your downfall, baby
Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh

Session 1 of 2 with caroline: fitness trainer

I'm crazy to post these stats up here. But you already knew that about me.

Body weight: 133.5 lbs. (according to their scale)
Body fat %: 25.1
Chest: 34"
Waist: 30.25"
Hips: 40"
Thigh: 24.25"
Arm: 12"

Measurements were taken by Caroline. The horrendous waist measurement is actually at belly button level, which she says is a person's true waist. Hip measurements were taken at the widest part. Still, I am horrified.

I've chosen the fitness program outlined in the book "Sculpting Her Body Perfect". I gave her copies of my planned routines for both the six-week conditioning program and subsequent toning and shaping phase. She reviewed my diet and goals (10-pound weight loss and increased muscle tone), and prescribed 30 mins of cardio five days a week. She had me warm up on the elliptical trainer then worked me through one set each of some of my planned exercises. We'll continue next Tuesday.

I spent the next half-hour on the elliptical, burning 250 calories whilst lip-syncing to Ms. Estefan's "Gloria!" album. I need more workout music.

Feel

Feel lyrics
More Than You Think You Are
Matchbox 20

What you want, what you got
Live your life in a crawl space
I'll help you out but you don't want a chance at a better life
You said you never took a ride and now you wanna play
Well, its a big, big city lemme show you around some time
Ah, some time

Chorus:
And now you crossed that line
You can't come back
Tell me how does it feel now
It's too late too much to forget about
Can't stop now
How does it feel now
I'm only askin' because I wanna know
How you wanna feel

Well, I'm a wreck
I'm a mess
I'm a spot on the pavement
I'm a number on your wall
I make you so tired
Yeah, and I don't think I like this game no more
It goes around around around
I'll tell you one more time
Yeah, one more time

Chorus:
And now you crossed that line
You can't come back
Tell me how does it feel now
It's too late too much to forget about
Can't stop now
How does it feel now
I'm only askin' because I wanna know
How you wanna feel

How you wanna feel

Chorus:
And now you crossed that line
You can't come back
Tell me how does it feel now
It's too late too much to forget about
Can't stop now
How does it feel now
Well, I'm only askin' because I wanna know
How you wanna feel

How you wanna feel
How you wanna feel

first workout today

I put it off for as long as I could. I felt unwell, lost my water bottle, and forgot my hair tie, my iPod and my socks, but I went anyway. And was actually better for it. Forty minutes on the treadmill and twenty minutes of stretching.

I felt very much like a little girl lost amongst all the unfamiliar machines, even though Christian -- the fitness guy who toured me around -- had been kind enough to demonstrate some of them on my first visit. I hope tomorrow's meeting with Caroline will help me get my bearings.

The girls want to celebrate Thanksgiving on Wednesday, in skirtsuits and boots, with mole and leche flan and homemade salsa. I was thinking about bringing carrot-raisin salad too but I'm starting to think I won't even have time to make the flan tomorrow.

Today's Dove chocolate fortune reads, "Sometimes one smile means more than a dozen roses." Though these days if I want to smile, all I need to remember is:

"Peet stop?"

Photo courtesy of the official "Cars" website.

Disease

Disease lyrics
Matchbox 20
More Than You Think You Are

Feels like you made a mistake
You made somebody's heart break
Now I have to let you go
I have to let you go

You left a stain
On every one of my good days
But I am stronger than you know
I have to let you go

No one's ever turned you over
No one's tried
To ever let you down
Beautiful girl
Bless your heart

I got a disease
Deep inside me
Makes me feel uneasy, baby
I cant live without you
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it
Keep your distance from it
Don't pay no attention to me
I got a disease

Feels like you're makin' a mess
You're hell on wheels in a black dress
You drove me to the fire
And left me there to burn

Every little thing you do is tragic
All my life before was magic
Beautiful girl
I can't breathe

I got a disease
Deep inside me
Makes me feel uneasy baby
I can't live without you
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it
Keep your distance from me
Don't pay no attention to me
I got a disease

And well I think that I'm sick
But leave me be while my world is comin' down on me
You taste like honey, honey
Tell me can I be your honey
Be, be strong
Keep tellin' myself it that won't take long till
I'm free of my disease

Yeah well free of my disease
Free of my disease, whoa

Yeah well I got a disease
Deep inside me
Makes me feel uneasy baby
I can't live without you
Tell me what am I supposed to do about it
Keep your distance from me
Dont pay no attention to me
I got a disease

I think that I'm sick
But leave me be while my world is coming' down on me
You taste like honey, honey
Tell me can I be your honey
Be, be strong
Keep telling myself it that won't take long till
I'm free of my disease
Yeah well free of my disease
Free of my disease

Casino Royale

It's not the Bond movie you're expecting. It's missing the silly busty girls and high-tech gadgets and is a little longish and gritty.

No real review here, just quick observations that are mostly irrelevant and/or distracting to someone planning on watching.

* Daniel Craig isn't my idea of Bond, but supposedly he's most true to Ian Fleming's vision. Personally, I think he looks like he might be Clinton Kelly's rugged, athletic older brother. It's those blue eyes. What do you think?




Clinton Kelly, of TLC's What Not to Wear




Daniel Craig, 007

* He does have a rather nice derriere, best featured when he was hanging from the tank truck at the airport.

* If you haven't guessed from the photo, the girls aren't as buxom or brainless. Nor do they have silly names.

* He drives up to the hotel in the Bahamas in a Ford. 007. In a Ford. I know.

* Chirs Cornell (of Audioslave, and formerly Soundgarden) wrote and sang the opening track, "You Know My Name".

~*~*~*

In other news I was googling Michael Schumacher and found this video clip of a sexy girl named Alizee wriggling in a black bodysuit. Fuzzy logic or something, go figure. Near the end she does the WoW female night elf dance. Enjoy, boys.

Jen Ai Marre

You Won't Be Mine

You Won't Be Mine lyrics
Matchbox 20
Mad Season

Take your head around the world
See what you get
From your mind
Write your soul down word for word
See who's your friend
And who is kind
It's almost like a disease
And I know soon you will be

Over the lies, you'll be strong
You'll be rich in love and will carry on
No but no, oh no
No, you won't be mine

Take your straight line for a curve
Make it stretch, the same old line
Try to find if it was worth what you spent
Why you're guilty for the way
You're feelin' now
It's almost like bein' free
But I know soon you will be

Over the lies, and you'll be strong
You'll be rich in love and you will carry on
No but no, oh no
No you won't be mine

Take yourself out to the curb
Sit and wait
A fool for life
And it's almost like a disease
Well I know soon you will be

Over the lies, and you'll be strong
You'll be rich in love and you will carry on
No but no, oh no, oh no
No you won't be mine

saturday morning

Three phone calls this morning from my new gym. I signed up for a membership with the gym across the street from work, and ended up spending twice as much as I'd meant to in order to get two sessions with Caroline, one if the gym's most requested trainers. We start Tuesday. Yes, as in Thanksgiving week.

I find myself listening and relistening to "The Difference" and, though I cannot tell you why, my heart is breaking.

The Difference

The Difference lyrics
Matchbox 20
More Than You Think You Are

Slow dancin' on the boulevard
In the quiet moments while the city's still dark
Sleepwalkin' through the summer rain and the tired spaces
You could hear her name when she was warm and tender
And you held her arms around you
There was nothin' but her love and affection
She was crazy for you
Now she's part of somethin' that you lost

Chorus:
And for all you know
This could be
The difference between what you need
And what you wanna be
Yeah, what you wanna be
Yeah, what you wanna be

Night swimmin' in her diamond dress
Makin' small circles move across the surface
Stand watchin' from the steady shore
Feelin' wide open and waiting for
Somethin' warm and tender
Now she's movin' further from you
There was nothin' that could make it easy on you
Every step you take reminds you that she's walking on

chorus:
Yeah, for all you know
This could be
The difference between what you need
And what you want

Every word you never said
Echoes down your empty hallway
And everything that was your world
Just came down

Day breakin' on the boulevard
Feel the sun warmin' up your secondhand heart
Light swimmin' right across your face
And you think maybe someday, yeah
Maybe someday

chorus:
For all you know
Yeah, this could be
The difference between what you need
And what you want

Yeah, for all you know
For all you know
Yeah, for all that you know
This is what you wanna be
Girl, what you wanna be

You're So Real

You're So Real lyrics
Matchbox 20
More Than You Think You Are

Yes I am
I hope you think you beat me
Hope I start talking crazy
Before you understand me
Are we through
You think that I'm beneath you
But you like the things that I do
Wrap 'em up and take 'em with you

I'm alright
Hope I can sleep for one night
If not to cool my insides
Maybe to calm my backside
Rain on me
I got a weakness in me
I think that weakness feeds me
I don't think you think you need me
Sunshine, you're the best time
I ever, ever had
But I think I made you feel bad
A black fly on your necktie
Time after time

Chorus:
But when the sun starts sinkin'
On your beautiful soul
Make you cry, cry baby
Make you feel so cold
Don't you know it's alright
Sometimes you just got to show how you feel
'Cause that's you baby
Hell, you're so real

Run this round in your head
Like you don't know what's on the inside
You don't know me too well
You ain't seen my bad side
Shame on me, shame on the things that I be
If you could complicate me
If you could get inside me
Sometimes, you're the best time
I've ever, ever known
A pretty girl with a wicked smile on
But I've cried for the last time
Something just don't feel right

Chorus:
But when the sun starts sinkin'
On your beautiful soul
Make you cry, cry baby
Make you feel so cold
Don't you know it's alright
Sometimes you just got to show how you feel
'Cause that's you baby
Hell, you're so real

You always know just who you are
You never needed someone else
To realize yourself

Chorus:
Hell when the sun starts sinkin'
On your beautiful soul
Make you cry, cry baby
Make you feel so cold
Don't you know it's alright
Sometimes you just got to show how you feel
'Cause that's you baby
Hell, you're so real

Yeah baby, you're so real
Yeah baby, you're so real
So real, so real
Oh god, yeah
Yeah, yeah
hey!

Could I Be You

Could I Be You lyrics
Matchbox 20
More Than You Think You Are

Something is wrong with the sum of us
That I can't seem to erase
How can I be the only one
Without a smile on my face

Chorus:
Well now, you're laughing out loud
At just the thought of bein' alive
And I was wonderin'
Could I just be you tonight

You show your pain like it really hurts
And I can't even start to feel mine
Well, I'm standing in place
With my head first and I shake, I shake
And I see your progress stretched out for miles and miles

Chorus:
You're laughing out loud
At just the thought of bein' alive, yeah
And I was wonderin'
Could I just be you tonight

This is the sound that I make
These are the words I chose
Somehow the right thing to say
Just won't come out
Just won't come out

Chorus:
And you're laughing out loud
At the thought of bein' alive
And I was wonderin'
Could I just be you tonight

And I was wonderin'
Could I just be you tonight

na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na

And I was wonderin'
(Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na)
And I was wondering
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
Yeah, and I was wonderin'
(Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na)
I was wonderin', ah yeah

Sunday morning

I have four short, squat juice glasses on the ledge overlooking my computer desk. They are half-filled with tiny seashells. Some customer returned a package of Southeast Asian seashells, and Larry gave them to me to buy for a buck. The shells are just like the ones we used to pick up off the beaches back home, during childhood weekends at the beach.

The roses have died, and I separated the petals and topped off the seashell glasses. I reach for one every so often as I sit at my computer, breathing in the heady fragrance of roses.

Patrick left to visit his parents last night, and didn't get back until after I'd gone to bed. There was a mini Hershey's chocolate bar waiting on my keyboard this morning, and a Goldilocks ensaymada on the kitchen counter. I must prevail.

strange dreams and pleasant surprises

It's nice outside today: sunny but chilly in the shade.

I've been sleeping irregularly once again, inciting strange patchwork dreams of half-formed thoughts.

I was singing to myself at the start of yesterday's shift when Cheryl asked if I sing in my sleep. Before sleeping last night I was browsing online for fragrances, of which I think I would like to sample "Ralph" by Ralph Lauren and "Angel" by Theirry Mugler.

In my dream people had stopped listening to my singing: they were tired of it, and would i please stop, they said. I pursed my lips and bit my tongue, and as I stepped outside and joined the pedestrians milling about the sidewalks I almost stumbled over a little girl with a beat-up suitcase. "Please," she said. "My mother died and I need the money." In the bag were perfume bottles. She had "Acqua di Gio", "Obsession", and "Ralph" but not "Angel".

I'm on Day 2 of South Beach Diet Phase One, and already down to 130 lbs, which was my target weight for Thanksgiving. All I really expected this week was to stall the continual gain. Either I'm dehydrated, or diets too come with some sort of placebo effect.

Bright Lights

Bright Lights lyrics
Matchbox 20
More Than You Think You Are

She got out of town on the railway, new york bound
Took all except my name
Another alien on broadway
Well, some things in this world you just can't change
Some things you can't see until it gets too late

Chorus:
Baby, baby, baby when all your love is gone
Who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world
And maybe, maybe, maybe
You'll find something that's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don't receive you
You should turn yourself around and come on home

I got a hole in me now
I got a scar I can talk about
She keeps a picture of me in her apartment in the city
But some things in this world
Man, they don't make sense
Some things you don't need until they leave you
And then they're things that you miss, you say

Chorus:
Baby, baby, baby when all your love is gone
Who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world
And maybe, maybe, maybe
You'll find something that's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don't receive you
You should turn yourself around and come on home

Let that city take you in (come on home)
Let that city spit you out (come on home)
Let that city take you down, yeah
For God's sakes turn around

Chorus:
Baby, baby, baby when all your love is gone
Who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world
Ah well maybe, maybe, maybe
You'll find something that's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don't receive you, well
Turn yourself around and come on home

Yeah, come on home
Baby, baby, baby, baby
Come on home
Yeah, come on home
Yeah, come on home
Yeah, come on home
Baby, baby, baby, baby

happiness is...

... three perfect red roses in full bloom on my desk.

... a waffle cone of rocky road ice cream prepared by the hubby while I was blogging.

... a well-behaved chocolate Lab with adoring eyes.

... shopping for sexy leopard print shoes.

Wild about leopard

Leopard print shoes, that is.

Bargain basement: (less than $50)




Windsor Fashions Leopard Print Platform pump
Available 12/5/06. Call 888-494-6376 to place an advanced order.
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Mid-range: ($50 to 150)



Victoria's Secret classic pump, $55 or Special Any 2/$88 at Victoria's Secret
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Victoria's Secret platform pump, $55 or Special Any 2/$88 at Victoria's Secret
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Guess Carrie 2, $93.95 at Zappos
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Guess Date 2, $98.95 at Zappos
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Steve Madden Carmin, $100.95 at Zappos
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Steve Madden Rumbble, $113.95 at Zappos
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Steve Madden Lemore1, $149.95 at Steve Madden
Dark vs. light platform, in case you were wondering how it differs from previous.
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Purely aspirational: ($150+)


Manolo Blahnik leopard print sandal, $530 at Bergdorf Goodman
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Manolo Blahnik leopard print suede Mary Jane, $545 at Neiman Marcus
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Hair-Calf Tiger print D'Orsay, $585 at Neiman Marcus
Yes, wrong cat. It's tiger, not leopard. Still, aren't these just fabulous?
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a friendly warning for fellow sporting dog owners

There's a reason why last last Saturday's theme song was "Bent".

We gave Cocoa a bath with water that was colder than usual, after which she developed "cold water tail". She was in pain for the first few days, uneasy for the next week, and finally back to 100% today.

DO NOT BATHE YOUR DOG IN WATER THAT IS TOO HOT OR TOO COLD. That is all.

while he was gone,

he learned to say "i missed you"
in Tagalog.

And so, despite all my safeguards
I find I am

deeply, deeply touched.

i miss my hair.

The last four inches or so had gotten kinda crispy, thanks to a year of highlighting, subsequent recolorings, and blow-drying most days of the week. For the past month people have been telling me I need a haircut. I held out till Halloween, but now that the Wonder Woman fun is over I finally had to give it up.

I miss the length. My hair is shoulder-length now, bouncier and certainly much healthier, but on the whole it feels like I gave up womanly for cute.

It should be back, and in better shape, by summer.

(sigh)

when narcissus falls in love

For the self-centered individual, infatuation takes on a love-hate form. The newly-beloved is also reviled, as competition and usurper. The frantic urgency to know and possess (and perhaps, to conquer) the other is an attempt demystify the holy, tear down the pedestal and unseat the enthroned -- thus, restoring order and reaffirming one's place in the center of the universe.

Lonely No More

Lonely No More lyrics
Rob Thomas
Something to Be

Now it seems to me
That you know just what to say
But words are only words
Can you show me something else
Can you swear to me that you'll always be this way
Show me how you feel
More than ever baby

Chorus:
I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't wanna have to pay for this
I don't wanna know the lover at my door
Is just another heartache on my list

I don't wanna be angry no more
You know I could never stand for this
So when you tell me that you love me know for sure
I don't want to be lonely anymore

Now it's hard for me when my heart's still on the mend
Open up to me, like you do your girlfriends
And you sing to me and it's harmony
Girl, what you do to me is everything
Make me say anything just to get you back again
Why can we just try

Chorus:
I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't wanna have to pay for this
I don't wanna know the lover at my door
Is just another heartache on my list

I don't wanna be angry no more
You know I could never stand for this
So when you tell me that you love me know for sure
I don't wanna be lonely anymore

What if I was good to you, what if you were good to me
What if I could hold you till I feel you move inside of me
What if it was paradise, and what if we were symphonies
What if I gave all my life to find some way to stand beside you

Chorus:
I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't wanna have to pay for this
I don't wanna know the lover at my door
Is just another heartache on my list

I don't wanna be angry no more
But you know I could never stand for this
So when you tell me that you love me know for sure
I don't wanna be lonely anymore

I don't wanna be lonely anymore
I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't wanna be lonely no more
I know, I know
I don't wanna be lonely anymore

crazy gaga ridiculously crushing over

Rob Thomas, better known as the lead singer of Matchbox 20 and co-writer/singer of "Smooth" with Carlos Santana.

In IMDB, including pics of him with other celebrities and gorgeous wife Marisol
In Wikipedia
Official website

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Am missing a friend terribly; spent the better part of the past weekend taking in unhealthy doses of Matchbox 20. When that stopped working I purchased Rob Thomas's solo album "Something To Be" as well as "iTunes Originals - Rob Thomas" via iTunes, obviously.

The latter album is interspersed with soundbites of the when and how and why of the songs. He seems down-to-earth, with a kooky sense of humor and an innate poetic sense to him which I think is why he is so good at what he does. and His voice has a grrravelly sexiness; his songwriting is incredibly honest, insightful and heartfelt. And he dances in the "Lonely No More" vid. Swoon swoon swoon...