if you saw a man drowning you'd save him, wouldn't you?

And if that man were the one you'd promised to spend the rest of your life with, to love and support always, then it should go without saying, right?

Well, I've been doing the exact opposite. For the stupidest reason.

When we got married, money was tight. And I promised myself I would never let money dictate my feelings. Money or no, I would be happy or sad independent of it.

But as time went by, I began making more money and taking less control of the finances. Because I know more about money, because I'm older and smarter, I am "The Boss". I refused the job and delegated all the financial matters to him. I didn't want to deal with it. Even though mine was the bigger paycheck, I wanted to be taken care of. Because it made me feel more feminine.

He is struggling. I looked away because it was "his job" to sort it all out when in reality it's our life and our future at stake here. He blames himself 100%. He feels he should have known better, should have planned more carefully, should have managed brilliantly somehow without a smidgen of study or training even though the parents who should have taught him still haven't learned those lessons themselves.

I am going to make this all up to him somehow. I want to do right by him. Patrick deserves better.