things have been difficult lately.

For the past six weeks we've been kiting checks, watching the checking account bump its limit, skating by till the next payday. It's gotten old.

Poor planning and poor time management made the two weeks allocated for our move too brief. And now we're neither here nor there, not quite moved in, not quite moved out. Though the situation is manageable and "under control", both at work and at home i feel ill-at-ease, playing catchup and fretting about the things i should be doing elsewhere, no matter where i am.

I keep (kept) my department fastidiously neat. It is how I keep sane through my workweek. I have been back for over a week and it is still nowhere near as clean as when i left it, and it is driving me up the wall.

At home too i cannot get a grip. I think of something to do and something else needs to be bought, something else needs to be found or put away or replaced and I cannot think i cannot move i cannot get it together. I wish i had more time. I dream of being a homemaker, of using the same time and care i devote thanklessly at work to create a healing place for patrick and myself, a safe haven from which we venture out to explore the world.

Barring that, because of financial constraints, time pressures and the limitations of apartment living, I find myself obsessing over shoes.