Going sane

I think I will explore a different tone in my blogging. I've given myself license to write a little crazily. The way I see it, it beats keeping it all inside and one day going stark raving loony, picking up the PA system at work and singing something like "I don't like Mondays" or "Jeremy" or maybe even simply enumerating everyone's faults and revealing their secrets until they rip the phone out of my hand. The again, I feel so off-balance right now, who's to say I'm not going sane?

~*~*~*

For the past two weeks I've been craving a cigarette. It's odd because I haven't smoked in years and even when I did it wasn't a habit; I simply smoked socially. The only thing to which I can attribute this sudden yen is the coffee at work, which they recently switched to a strong decaf that leaves my mouth tasting of cigarettes. Patrick caught me off-guard the other day. "Funnyun, " he asked "how would you feel if I started smoking again?" Apparently it wasn't the coffee, and it's not just me.

All media imagery aside, smoking is a nasty, dirty, smelly, disgusting habit. Because I smoked secretly, I made it a point to erase any evidence of my smoking. That meant scrupulously brushing my teeth, flossing and gargling with Listerine twice a day; scrubbing my right index and middle finger to rid myself of the nasty yellow nicotine stain; wearing a lot of perfume; and changing clothes frequently.

I suppose I'm lucky that the tingi system of retail isn't popular here. Thus, I am forced to fork over $3 for a pack of cigarettes if I do decide to give in to this craving. The alternative being to mooch a stick off a smoking non-friend, consequently (1) alienating nonsmoking friends and (2) opening the door for future invitations from the smoker clique.

I'm thinking of maybe burning through a whole pack, to be done with the whole craving mess once and for all. I know exactly what I want: Capri Menthol Lights Superslims and a Shiner Bock, which is already chilling in the fridge. Tomorrow's my Friday, and I'm seriously thinking about spending Monday evening smoking, drinking and maybe even cussing a little.

~*~*~*

Stray thought of the day:
When your too-ready smile falters ever-so-slightly, it is with surprise and relief that you realize -- there is still a real you, beneath it all.

~*~*~*
Currently crazy about:
Boston creme cake
Recording my voice