Wild about leopard

Leopard print shoes, that is.

Bargain basement: (less than $50)




Windsor Fashions Leopard Print Platform pump
Available 12/5/06. Call 888-494-6376 to place an advanced order.
~*~*~*

Mid-range: ($50 to 150)



Victoria's Secret classic pump, $55 or Special Any 2/$88 at Victoria's Secret
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Victoria's Secret platform pump, $55 or Special Any 2/$88 at Victoria's Secret
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Guess Carrie 2, $93.95 at Zappos
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Guess Date 2, $98.95 at Zappos
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Steve Madden Carmin, $100.95 at Zappos
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Steve Madden Rumbble, $113.95 at Zappos
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Steve Madden Lemore1, $149.95 at Steve Madden
Dark vs. light platform, in case you were wondering how it differs from previous.
~*~*~*

Purely aspirational: ($150+)


Manolo Blahnik leopard print sandal, $530 at Bergdorf Goodman
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Manolo Blahnik leopard print suede Mary Jane, $545 at Neiman Marcus
~*~*~*


Hair-Calf Tiger print D'Orsay, $585 at Neiman Marcus
Yes, wrong cat. It's tiger, not leopard. Still, aren't these just fabulous?
~*~*~*

a friendly warning for fellow sporting dog owners

There's a reason why last last Saturday's theme song was "Bent".

We gave Cocoa a bath with water that was colder than usual, after which she developed "cold water tail". She was in pain for the first few days, uneasy for the next week, and finally back to 100% today.

DO NOT BATHE YOUR DOG IN WATER THAT IS TOO HOT OR TOO COLD. That is all.

while he was gone,

he learned to say "i missed you"
in Tagalog.

And so, despite all my safeguards
I find I am

deeply, deeply touched.

i miss my hair.

The last four inches or so had gotten kinda crispy, thanks to a year of highlighting, subsequent recolorings, and blow-drying most days of the week. For the past month people have been telling me I need a haircut. I held out till Halloween, but now that the Wonder Woman fun is over I finally had to give it up.

I miss the length. My hair is shoulder-length now, bouncier and certainly much healthier, but on the whole it feels like I gave up womanly for cute.

It should be back, and in better shape, by summer.

(sigh)

when narcissus falls in love

For the self-centered individual, infatuation takes on a love-hate form. The newly-beloved is also reviled, as competition and usurper. The frantic urgency to know and possess (and perhaps, to conquer) the other is an attempt demystify the holy, tear down the pedestal and unseat the enthroned -- thus, restoring order and reaffirming one's place in the center of the universe.

Lonely No More

Lonely No More lyrics
Rob Thomas
Something to Be

Now it seems to me
That you know just what to say
But words are only words
Can you show me something else
Can you swear to me that you'll always be this way
Show me how you feel
More than ever baby

Chorus:
I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't wanna have to pay for this
I don't wanna know the lover at my door
Is just another heartache on my list

I don't wanna be angry no more
You know I could never stand for this
So when you tell me that you love me know for sure
I don't want to be lonely anymore

Now it's hard for me when my heart's still on the mend
Open up to me, like you do your girlfriends
And you sing to me and it's harmony
Girl, what you do to me is everything
Make me say anything just to get you back again
Why can we just try

Chorus:
I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't wanna have to pay for this
I don't wanna know the lover at my door
Is just another heartache on my list

I don't wanna be angry no more
You know I could never stand for this
So when you tell me that you love me know for sure
I don't wanna be lonely anymore

What if I was good to you, what if you were good to me
What if I could hold you till I feel you move inside of me
What if it was paradise, and what if we were symphonies
What if I gave all my life to find some way to stand beside you

Chorus:
I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't wanna have to pay for this
I don't wanna know the lover at my door
Is just another heartache on my list

I don't wanna be angry no more
But you know I could never stand for this
So when you tell me that you love me know for sure
I don't wanna be lonely anymore

I don't wanna be lonely anymore
I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't wanna be lonely no more
I know, I know
I don't wanna be lonely anymore

crazy gaga ridiculously crushing over

Rob Thomas, better known as the lead singer of Matchbox 20 and co-writer/singer of "Smooth" with Carlos Santana.

In IMDB, including pics of him with other celebrities and gorgeous wife Marisol
In Wikipedia
Official website

~*~*~*

Am missing a friend terribly; spent the better part of the past weekend taking in unhealthy doses of Matchbox 20. When that stopped working I purchased Rob Thomas's solo album "Something To Be" as well as "iTunes Originals - Rob Thomas" via iTunes, obviously.

The latter album is interspersed with soundbites of the when and how and why of the songs. He seems down-to-earth, with a kooky sense of humor and an innate poetic sense to him which I think is why he is so good at what he does. and His voice has a grrravelly sexiness; his songwriting is incredibly honest, insightful and heartfelt. And he dances in the "Lonely No More" vid. Swoon swoon swoon...

i had a blast today

At work I was one of only three people dressed up for Halloween. Kelly went as a witch, and Monique a prison inmate. Questions and comments today, the most common being something to the effect of "You look soooooooo cute!!!"

"Oh. My. God."
LOL!

"Wonder Woman! Where's Robin?"
Huh?

"Can you fly?"

"Where's your whip?"
Um, lasso.

"Wonder Woman, right?"
Me: "No."
"Oh."

"Save me! Save me!"

"Are you a cheerleader?"
WTH?

"I didn't dress up today because I knew I'd have to work...
Oh, btw, since you're Wonder Woman can you (make a bale)/(push carts)/(lift that pallet)?"

"Can you whirl around for me?"

Where do I go from here

Where Do I Go From Here lyrics
The Carpenters
Love Songs

Autumn days
Lying on a bed of leaves
Watching clouds up through the trees
You said our love was more than time
It's colder now
The trees are bare and nights are long
I can't get warm since you've been gone
I can't stop singin' sad songs

Chorus:
Where do I go from here?
Tell me where do I go from here?
You said you'd take me through the years
So where do I go from here?

Lovers' plans
Like fallin' leaves on windy days
Flutter past and they fly away
I thought I knew you oh so well

And I need you now
I need to feel you in the night
I need your smile so warm and bright
I wish my mind could let you go

Chorus:
Where do I go from here?
Tell me where do I go from here?
You said you'd take me through the years
So where do I go from here?

Chorus:
Where do I go from here?
Tell me where do I go from here?
You said you'd take me through the years
So where do I go from here?
You said you'd take me through the years
So where do I go from here?

T-Mobile "Secret Lovers" commercial

Via YouTube.

Bent

Bent lyrics
Matchbox 20
Mad Season

If I fall along the way
Pick me up and dust me off
And if I get too tired to make it
Be my breath so I can walk

If I need some other love then
Give me more than I can stand
And when my smile gets old and faded
Wait around I'll smile again

Shouldn't be so complicated
Just hold me and then
Just hold me again

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

Keep breakin' me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

If I couldn't sleep could you sleep
Could you paint me better off
Could you sympathize with my needs
I know you think I need a lot

I started out clean but I'm jaded
Just phonin' it in
Just breakin' the skin

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

Keep breakin' me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

Start bendin' me
It's never enough
Till I feel all your pieces

Start bendin' me
Keep bendin' me until I'm completely broken in

(Instrumental)

Shouldn't be so complicated
Just touch me and then
Just touch me again

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

Keep breakin' me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent
Without understanding

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

Yeah, you're breakin' me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

Matchbox Twenty lyrics

Yourself Or Someone Like You:
(as Matchbox 20)

Real World
(Long Day)
3 AM
(Push)
(Girl Like That)
(Back 2 Good)
(Damn)
(Argue)
Kody
(Busted)
(Shame)
(Hang)

~*~*~*

Mad Season:

(Angry)
(Black & White People)
(Crutch)
Last Beautiful Girl
If You're Gone
(Mad Season)
Rest Stop
(The Burn)
Bent
(Bed of Lies)
Leave
Stop
You Won't Be Mine
(You and I & I)
~*~*~*

More Than You Think You Are:

Feel
Disease
Bright Lights
Unwell
Cold
All I Need
Hand Me Down
Could I Be You
Downfall
Soul
You're So Real
The Difference

~*~*~*

Other:

(Suffer Me)
(Heavy)
(Tired)

A day in boots

A few days ago I tripped against a stack of two empty pallets, and acquired a lovely bruise on my ankle the size of a silver dollar. Tuesdays and Thursdays are my dress/skirt days, and so yesterday I decided to wear boots to cover up my multi-colored souvenir. This is how I normally plan my outfits: from the shoes up.

So Farah goes to work, in a sheer chocolate-brown jersey dress, black tights and knee high boots. This was also the first day I'd blown my hair out straight since I'd dyed it black over the weekend.

I got compliments and comments on everything from my hair to my skirt to my legs and boots. I felt fabulous, fun and flirty in my getup, which overall guys seemed to find sexy and girls thought was slutty. Generally speaking.

No one said it that way, of course. It's just that male coworkers who normally don't talk to me complimented me on my hair, noticed the change in haircolor, observed that boots are back in fashion (season, actually), and said I had pretty legs.

My so-called girlfriends on the other hand, smilingly teased me about my short hemline, the sheerness of my dress, and how my dress sense seems to have changed recently, as if I'm looking for a boyfriend.

Guys seem to think that a girl who looks hot feels that way too, and that it doesn't hurt to ask because the worst thing she can say is no.

Girls seem to resent a girl who gets that kind of attention, and no matter how nice they supposedly are, have no problem cutting you down with veiled insults. Even if they're you're fucking friends.

And when they step back and remember that it's same old you they're taking turns stabbing at, they are taken aback by some of the things they've said (because a Christian woman wouldn't do that, right?) and, chastened, add as an afterthought that "If you don't like what we say, you don't have to listen".

And if you don't like what I'm wearing, you don't have to look.

I'm told I'm sexier now, or dress that way. I don't feel it, no matter what people seem to think. Actually, I'm ten pounds heavier, and not in the right places. I am comfortable with my clothes, which are well within dress code, btw -- even the "short jersey dress, which hovers two inches above my knees. An oufit that's put together well does give a bit of a boost to one's day, though it's more a feeling like "I'm wearing new socks today" than anything else.

Today I wore a three-quarter length button-down shirt, slacks, and a frown. Though I value learning, I sometimes regret the things I learn about people. You think you know who your friends are, y'know?

my first-ever trip to the "sexy store"

The lone shopgirl in a black shirt and fuchsia hair was perky and personable. The selection was about what you'd expect, though the price points were surprisingly steep (hentai DVDs at $35 a pop!) Being the boring person I am, I left with ideas and "Romantic Massage Kit for Dummies" as my only purchase.

~*~*~*

Belated bachelorette party wishlist:


French Maid Costume, $58 at Frederick's of Hollywood

~*~*~*


Peekaboo Pole Dancing Kit, $119.99 at Peekaboo USA

~*~*~*


Rabbit Pearl, $82 at Babeland

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Sweet Candy Play Bunny in Black, $100 at Eros Boutique

~*~*~*

growing up, i yearned for my One True Love

I would sing "Someday My Prince Will Come"; ate up all the yearning, hopeful, waiting-for-my-White-Knight Disney movies; craned my neck for my kabiyak --my soulmate, the one who would make me whole. I treasured my innocence, my naivete, my youthful dreams, protective what I was sure was that certain je ne sais quoi that would draw him to me.

And then I fell in love. Just as promised in a hundred million fairy tales, romance novels, and Hollywood movies. And after that- absolutely nothing.

He was a pussy, and I was too naive. Which was for the best after all. For a long time afterwards I was angry, and anxious to do and experience all that I'd been avoiding. I hated that I'd been soooo ignorant and starry-eyed; I would grow myself. I would be tough enough to never get hurt.

I've since learned that I am responsible for my own happiness, that a life partner is someone to grow old with, not someone who completes you.

a woman's #1 mistake:

"If you really loved me, you'd..."

That's it. In a nutshell. We assume that love is the answer, and that The One will always know exactly how I am feeling, why I feel this way, and how to fix it. He will take the time to do everything in his power to make me happy. In fact, he will live for my happiness.

Conversely, someone who does not meet these criteria is therefore not The One, doesn't really love me, doesn't truly appreciate me in the way I deserve and therefore I am entitled to act out.

He's not a mind reader. He has no idea of the things you've "let slide". He believes exactly what you tell him: that everything's fine. Because he loves and trusts you.

favorite things

Prada Canvas & Leather Doctor Bag, $1,395.00 at Neiman Marcus



~*~*~*

Castañer Metallic Espadrilles, $89.90 from $225 at Saks Fifth Avenue



~*~*~*


Giorgio Armani Pleated Tote, $1495 at Nordstrom




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Chetta B Polka Dot Silk Dress, $182.90 from $306 at Saks Fifth Avenue



~*~*~*

Porsche Cayenne Turbo S, MSRP $111,660

bored to tears, literally

"He works hard to give her all he thinks she wants
But it tears her apart
'cause nothing's for her heart"

-Buy Me a Rose
Luther Vandross

my best friend went home for a month and a half and never came back

in her stead is someone else who looks a lot like her, but is not her.

She is older, somehow. Cutting, and dismissive. She is likely to liken me to a little girl, to regard troubled friends as childish, unmanly or frivolous with their time. I cannot talk to her about these things. Or, I choose not to.

She has outgrown my friendship, and I will let it pass.

friday, the thirteenth

"She's got a little bit of something
God, it's better than nothing
And in her color portrait world
she believes that she's got it all"

3 a.m.
Yourself Or Someone Like You
Matchbox 20

the rainclouds came back today

They've been hovering in the distance, but today they blocked out the sun.

I'm still...functional. I laugh, I joke, I hold up my end of conversations. But in the lulls and on my own I am quiet, pensive and almost brooding. I smile too quickly and brightly when observed thus.

Some things can't simply be talked out.
I am waiting
for something
to give.

~*~*~*

" feel like I'm disappearing - getting smaller every day
but when I open my mouth to sing - I'm bigger in every way"
Tunic (Song for Karen) - Sonic Youth

YouTube linx 4 u

South Park "Make Love, Not WarCraft" episode in 2 parts

Part 1
Part 2

Russell Peters on Canadian Comedy Central

Russell Peters is a Canadian-Indian comedian with a wicked wit and a knack for accents. Yes, I say this even though his so-called Chinese accent sounds Vietnamese. Though the country may be wrong, the accent is spot-on.

procrastination, Part I

or, How Farah found the perfect volunteer org for her

As you know, I've been bored and frustrated lately, most likely because I am so self-centered. The solution therefore is to focus on others, i.e., find some type of community outreach activity that would provide balance, allow me to use my talents to help others, and most importantly get me out of the house.

I don't consider ladling soup or retrieving empty water bottles particularly fulfilling.

I decided that the best recourse would be to rejoin Mensa, and then investigate what worthy causes the local chapter espouses. This would guarantee that least a modicum of brain activity would be involved.

I could simply email the national group back home, and ask that they forward my previous test results. But I don't care to remind them that I'm still alive. Besides, it would be interesting to know how I'd do this time around.

So I looked up testing information. Mensa Testing Day 2006 is on Saturday, Oct. 21st if you're interested. The fee is $30, and I believe the test takes 30 minutes.

North Texas Mensa hold testing sessions at the Reading & Radio Resource.

"Reading & Radio Resource (formerly North Texas Taping and Radio for the Blind) is a non-profit 501(c)(3) volunteer agency, dedicated since 1969 to providing alternatives to reading for children and adults who are visually or physically disabled and/or learning differenced."

It seems my search had come full circle.

LP links

These are for you.

Most unflattering picture of Mariah Carey that I've ever seen:



Circa Jan 2006. Via MariahDaily.com

~*~*~*

Tom Leykis links:

Wiki article

Official website, with a live feed click-through in upper left corner

The philosophy

~*~*~*

Comedy Central's South Park schedule

The episode is "Make Love, Not Warcraft" (1008)

Plus size lingerie websites

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

patrick likes my costume

First dress rehearsal today. He was sitting in front of the TV watching CSI when I stepped out of the bedroom, posed as if doing a jump jack, and cheered "Darna!"

He stared at me speechlessly, but couldn't seem to stop smiling. I had to ask. "What do you think, honey?"

He walked over and put his arms around me and gave me a kiss.

"There's...too much skin."

Ah.

I made four Kahlua White Russians

of which I had one and Patrick the other three. Yet he's fine and my head is throbbing. I don't think it's from the alcohol, though.

tonight's outing:

Orientation session at Reading & Radio Resource; followed by

our first-ever liquor store trip, which resulted in the purchase of


Jagermeister,


Kahlua, and


Stoli Razberi

You died on a Saturday.

I've been thinking about you a good deal lately, and apparently I'm not the only one. A lot of other people at work have been mentioning you, remembering things you said or did. We still miss you, Carlos. It's hard to believe it's been just a little over a year.

I'm sorry.

A year has passed and I still don't speak Spanish or drive myself to work. I'm still working at Wal-Mart, still a department manager, still out of school. We've moved out of the in-laws' house, though. I don't sing as much as I used to, though I dress better. You probably would have been teasing me that I might have a boyfriend on the side.

"Las Chicas", as you liked to call us, are still together, though slowly drifting apart. Would you be sad for us, or have seen it coming, or simply shrugged and commented on change as a natural part of life?

I'm not afraid of dying anymore.

Nowadays death seems friendlier somehow. I suppose as you get older and more of the people you've known have passed on, dying becomes little more than a rite of passage. It's just how you get to the next level. I imagine that when I am wrinkled and old, I will have known more dead people than living, and death will be a welcome reunion.

And though I miss you, I know that if I showed up on the other side today, you'd kick me right back out and tell me I've got a whole lot more living to do.

Till we meet again, Carlos.
We're missing you, and still thinking of you.

Cocoa goes to the vet

Cocoa's had an ear infection for the past few weeks. It sounds worse than it is. Mostly she's just been flapping her ears and scratching at them. We've been treating her ourselves here at home but since the problem hasn't resolved itself we finally brought her in to the vet. For the first time since we adopted her.

We lined the backseat of the car with our old airbed, and kept the windows closed so she wouldn't try to hang her head out the window. Previous experience has taught us that when she does this she will also place her paws on the windowsill, scratching the paint through the clearcoat.

She was exceedingly well-behaved throughout the visit, whimpering slightly only when the doctor's otoscope probed a little too deeply into her infected ear. For the most part she was friendly, curious and agreeable. We learned that she:

- weighs 68 lbs.
- has an ear infection.
- does not have heartworm, or any other worms for that matter.
- isn't particularly photogenic.
- needs her ears cleaned daily till the infection-related excess wax production stops, then 2 to 3 times weekly thereafter.
- just needs a newfangled drinking water additive to keep her teeth clean and plaque-free.

$261 for shots, checkup, treatment and 4 meds. And a doggie treat.

blow-my-brains-out bored

That slightly uneasy, back-of-the-head feeling that I might be a little left of sane
is back and I leapfrog from one thing to the next: my
self-help books on finance, artistic recovery, life lessons; my
haphazard music collection -- R & B, rock, classical music, various soundtracks;
TV, internet, radio, magazines... There is

no hope in sight. Brick walls
at every turn. No
driver's license. No
car of my own. No
money in the bank. No
bank approval. No
credentials, no
training, no
experience. No
clue, really. And
is it me, or
does everybody cuss now?

Frenetic. Desperate. Exhausted. Indifferent. Discouraged.
And still waiting.

need a backpack?

Yoda Plush Backpack, $39.99 at Think Geek

Via PopGadget.

This was just LOL funny.

Target.com has my costume back in stock!

It should arrive sometime next week.



Adult Deluxe Wonder Woman Costume

Two points:

1. Yes, I am well aware I lack "Wonder Woman" proportions. I don't care. I've always wanted to be her and, by Hera, I will be Diana of Themyscira this Halloween.
2. No, the Wonder Woman we've known and loved didn't wear a skirt. But there is no way in Hades I am showing up for work in star-spangled, belted granny panties.

Now all I need is a flesh-colored tank or leotard so I don't need to go bare-shouldered. I wonder if my tan tee will do.

patrick qualified for the local amateur league team!

Cyberathlete Amateur League

And to think, he's only been playing CounterStrike for the past six months. Fabulous.

red shoes on my mind

I've decided I want to be either Dorothy or Wonder Woman for Halloween, so I have an excuse to wear red shoes. Spent a good deal of time browsing for something appropriate. No lookalikes yet for the ruby slippers, but if I could blow $500 on Halloween accessories, my money would be on these babies:


Casadei 2743 (Sangria)
$542.95 from $1082.95 thru Friday, 9/22.

~*~*~*

I also like:


Jimmy Choo Suede Open-Toe Pump
$650.00 at Bergdorf's
Suede and snakeskin in a luxe ruby red. What's not to love?


~*~*~*

Etro Open Toe Bow
$498.95 at Zappos

~*~*~*


RSVP Zoe
$99.95 at Zappos
Every girl deserves romantic red roses.

~*~*~*


Bruno Maglie Maille
$144.99 from $289.99 at Shoes.com
I like the contrast of bordeaux suede against beige patent trim.

~*~*~*


Caligarius Alanda
$144.99 from $322.99 at Shoes.com
One day these shall replace my Rampage D'Orsays.

~*~*~*


baby phat I Love BP Canvas
$85.95 from $88.95 at Zappos.com
i know, I know, I'm sorry. I think these are fabulously trashy.
~*~*~*


Nine West Glorielle
$79.95 from $82.95, Zappos.com
Seriously sexy red patent strappiness.

~*~*~*

Okay, so maybe the Baby Phats aren't all that bad.



Pleaser USA Romance 04
$33.95 at Zappos.com

Red marabou. Lucite heel. A manufacturer called "Pleaser USA". You know what they're for. Happily, they're only $33.95, you'll only have to wear them for a minute, and this pair guarantees he'll be willing to overlook at least two dozen shoes in your burgeoning shoe collection.

tapped out

Sometimes things get a little tight, push comes to shove and it is necessary that you switch to survival mode: focus on the task at hand, block out everything else and concentrate on getting by. But if you stay too long in top gear you find you no longer know how to downshift. Having put all your energy into surviving, you find you no longer know how to live -- you merely exist. And by "you", I am of course referring to me.

Everything is shades of gray again. If it weren't for the dog I need to walk, I would not see the light of day, nor breathe fresh air. Former interests have taken a dull hue. I'm still ranked #1 in my trading game, I like a few new shoes on Zappos, and -- on friends' recommendations -- I'm currently exploring the musical works of Rob Thomas and Luther Vandross. The iPod has reordered my downloads in such a way that MatchBox 20's "Back 2 Good" (sic) is followed by Uncle Kracker's "Follow Me", which feels a bit schizophrenic.

The "Kill Bill" series, which Patrick and I never caught, is on TV this weekend. I'm also holding "V for Vendetta" and "Full Metal Jacket" from Netflix.

inventory in two days.

i've purposely avoided mentioning work, if only to feel that I've escaped it completely once i clock out and go home. I never really do, of course. Been dog-tired lately. I just want it to be thursday.

last week i took a poll,

the sole question being: "What are the top three things I do well?"

Survey says:
1. Dress.
2. Talk.
3. Sing.

In that order.

I must say I was surprised. First mention was almost always fashion-related (dress, walk, shop), followed by social skills (carry conversation, laugh, keep an open-mind, sense of humor, pleasant attitude).

The purpose of the sampling was to figure what else I might be doing. Not surprisingly, not one person mentioned retail or sales. Taking the top two response groupings, I would have to say that such a person would probably do well in fashion- or broadcast-related fields. Which is so not me. I think.

I would have answered:
1. Write.
2. Sing.
3. PA's (scripted)

secret sorrows of a PC widow

i haven't done any real gaming in months.

in that time Patrick has taken up CounterStrike, qualifying for and ascending to the top rankings of a local clan. This past week he's begun "scrimming", i.e., clan-versus-clan shootouts. Last night he didn't go to bed till 5 a.m., then slept till noon.

I just got up from a nap and realized that what's supposed to have been "my" day went to the computers: him with his gaming, me with my music. I recorded "I Don't Know How to Love Him", from "Jesus Christ Superstar", but for some reason I can't upload my audio files to my media blog. Spent the rest of the day listening to a lot of Luther Vandross, of which "Dance With My Father" and "Buy Me a Rose" almost brought me to tears.

It occurs to me now that my music is his gaming: something we live and breathe though we do not profit by it, nor seek to explore it in a professional capacity. Yet as much time as we've spent at these things -- our whole lives, really -- we are no closer to happy, fulfilled lives that embrace our interests.

Luther fulfills my need for a serenader, but I eventually worked my way to my classical/classical-crossover collection: Charlotte Church's smiling notes (ok so she doesn't exactly ring clearly, but the songs hint at it), Josh Groban's vibrant baritone, and of course the Three Tenors' rousing "O sole mio".

I'd heard Josh Groban's "All’improvviso amore" (Closer, 2003) and wasn't particularly impressed. But I came across this translation and found the lyrics to be sheer poetry:

Love, unexpectedly

The wind blows softly
This night changes my destiny
I know that my heart will be surprised again

Life holds more meaning for me now
If I look at this immense sky,
The moon
Will be
Illuminated with my love…

Unexpectedly, love,
Like the sea,
Floods my heart and soul
And it will save me
As naturally as breathing does
With each breath I take I speak of you

Now, everything has changed
I breathe of you in the universe
Your eyes light up the darkness

Suddenly, love,
Like the sea,
Fills my heart and soul
And it will save me
As naturally as breathing does
For it will be true love
That heals the heart
And give me light within

Music: David Foster and Paul Schwartz
Lyrics: Frank Musker and Kaballa
English translation: Pristine Ong and Germane Ong
Snagged from the "Just Josh Groban" website.

What Fall Shoe Should You Wear?

You Should Wear Animal Print Shoes

You have a brash personality, and you aren't afraid to wear something outrageous. You're the exact personality designers design for - so enjoy yourself!

What Fall Shoe Should You Wear?

~*~*~*

Me, brash? Ha. This of course refers to my deviant shoe personality, which does not always reflect my temperament. Sometimes they contradict, because I'm trying to be ironic or because I'd hoped to pull myself out of a funk with a fun pair of shoes. Or sometimes my shoes say more than I feel, because I'd chosen them early in the morning, before I'd really had a good bead on my day.

Re: the previous post-

It's one of those things i know but constantly forget: i.e., that too many people choose to say stupid things rather than say nothing at all.

"You're all dressed up today."

"I dress up every day."

"True. You wanna know what I think? I think you're looking for a boyfriend."

If I were feeling saucy, or if perhaps the backhanded compliment were issued by a friend, I might have asked if he knew anyone who fit the bill. As it was, I replied matter-of-factly, "I already have a boyfriend. Who also happens to be my husband, which works out really well, since everything's legal."

But the thought echoes and rankles: I look like I'm looking for a man. I find now that the thought needlessly colors comments coworkers have made to me in the past about my husband, my clothes, my shoes.

You know what though? I am no hussy. I can count on one hand the number of people I really talk to at work. I don't see or talk to any of them after work or on my days off. I don't do plunging necklines, sheer fabrics or slits up to my tonsils. If I wear skirts and dresses instead of jeans and sneakers, it's because I don't feel that athletic shoes are appropriate anywhere other than the track and other sporting venues, and feminine clothes flatter heels better. Big hairy deal.

down in the dumps

I am depressed today, and not lifting myself out of it. A few people disappointed me today (for differing reasons), someone noticed I'd gained weight, Patrick asked when I'm going to start back on my diet, Kristin asked me to leave 2 hours early tomorrow, and a number of different comments throughout the day have me feeling stupid, foolish, and really, really small.

Today being payday, I bought the Payless Intellect pumps (click link twice to view) in both colors. They are fabulous - so much prettier in person because the website pics don't really do the patent leather justice. Less than $30 for two during the BOGO 1/2-off sale now thru Sept. 5th.

I want a cigarette.

much ado about nothing

i.e., the final word on a non-incident that both parties agree really wasn't worth it.

I flew off the handle today, telling off a co-worker over something as simple as a portable printer. It was, I am told, completely out of character. In hindsight, I must agree that it was an unnecessary outburst.

Dear reader, I'm sorry if I seem too "Dear Diary" today, but I'd like to vent my frustrations.

Here's how it works: if I value our relationship/day-to-day interaction/what-have-you, and you piss. me. off., I will let you know -- ideally in a constructive way -- so we can begin to repair the damage, or correct the misunderstanding. If, on the other hand the misstep is a deal-breaker, then I chalk it up to experience and move on.

In this instance, what could have been a simple mistake revealed unapologetic deceit later compounded by complete indifference. Which burned the most, really. I mean, if you tell someone, with some disappointment, "I trusted you", in what world is the correct answer "Why did you even bother?"

Serves me right for trying to help you out, asshole.

All this time

(tim james/steve mcclintock)

Originally performed by Tiffany

All this time
I knew someday you'd need to find
Something that you left behind
Something I cant give you

All these tears
And like a light love disappears
But hearts are good for souvenirs
And memories are forever

All this time
All in all I've no regrets
The sun still shines, the sun still sets
And the heart forgives, the heart forgets
But what will I do now with all this time

One more kiss
Even though it's come to this
I'll close my eyes and make a wish
Hoping you remember

All this time
All in all I've no regrets
The sun still shines the sun still sets
The heart forgives, the heart forgets
But what will I do now with all this time

Say goodbye
Apart we'll make another try
But don't be sorry if you cry
Ill be crying too

All this time
All in all I've no regrets
The sun still shines, the sun still sets
And the heart forgives, the heart forgets
But what will I do now with all this time

failure to cope

it just won't stop.

Life goes on, no matter how badly I'm reeling, no matter how much I want the world to stand still.

so wrong and yet-- so utterly fabulous

Guess who's ranked number one out of 8581 in the "Beginners Game for Investing"?

C'est moi! Moi, moi, moi, moi, moi!!!

(insert maniacal laughter)


Today's Return

+49.46%

Total Return

+10,500.43%
Week's Return

+7,020.77%

Total Equity

$10,600,430.71

Cash

$10,828.91
Interest Earned: $21.31

Long Positions: $10,589,601.80

BIKO

Bico Inc
Trade, news, chart, profile, more
Last: 0.000.000.00%
12:00am 12/30/1899
Chart from transaction date 08/04/2006

50,000,000
L
+0.07
$10,500,000.00
$0.21
$0.00
+$10,495,000.00
99.05

I don't even remember where I got the buying tip from. Anyway. What basically happened was that I bought $10,000 of BIKO shares at $ 0.0000002 each or so, and the share price went up to 21 cents, making me a virtual millionaire. Sadly, in this game one can only sell so much of one's stock in one day, and thus I can only cash in $15k. Which is still a 50% return.

As for PRGD, it went up enough for me to offload the lot today. Thank goodness. I've decided to turn my second portfolio (of which PRGD was part) into a long-term buy-and-hold test group, while the first, winning portfolio will be more speculative.

a day beginning and ending with rain

We stopped by the leasing office and renewed our lease for another year. Rent's gone up $5 a month. This morning it rained, the first I've known since the city began observing Stage 3 water restrictions in mid-June. The ten-day weather forecast guesses at future thunderstorms. This drought might finally be over.

Cocoa and I just got back from another walk. We both got a little wet from the drizzle.

I've been trying to "grow" myself these past few weeks. It hasn't been easy. I find I mentally flagellate myself for thoughts that most people would probably consider normal but which I, in my efforts to reprogram my thinking, deem unhelpful, counterproductive and even unworthy.

I know I'm not making much sense.

My eternal quest for self-improvement is rooted mostly in self-hatred, I fear. And that doesn't really mesh very well with the "knowing and accepting oneself" that begins these rescripting and healing processes. It's like the Broadway show: "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change!"

I've lost three pounds somehow; I'm back down to 127. In spite of, or perhaps because of this loss, I pigged out most of today, emptying a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, a bag of Chewy Chips Ahoy, and a big bowl of Neapolitan ice cream. My tummy's as taut as a drum.

Spent most of this week monitoring and tweaking my virtual stock portfolios, of which I now have two. One of them is bleeding money because I made the mistake of putting $10,000 into
Proguard Acquisition Corp (PGRD). It's now trading at $1.80, for a grand total of $7,200 which I can't pull out because this particular "game" has a minimum trade price of $2.00.

The highlight of my holdings has been Collectible Concepts Group, Inc. (CCGI), a company that deals with licensed sports merchandise. I've made $5,ooo off of this gem thus far.

things i neglected to mention this week:

Luz is back! Ten pounds lighter, with poofy lips and long brown hair.
~*~*~*

Patrick got his green card! It's actually a pale yellow, and all the security features, front and back, make it look impressively high-tech.

~*~*~*
Payless has a fantabulous knockoff!

High Street vs. Designer:



Kurt Geiger Bashful, approximately $300





Payless's "Intellect" Patent Round Toe Pump, $17.99

Via Shoewawa.

~*~*~*
You can too make money playing video games!

Big Huge Games is sponsoring a $100,000 tournament for Rise of Nations: Rise of Legends. Open to everyone except countries we don't consider friends (Cuba, Iran, Libya, North Korea, Sudan and Syria). Top dog stands to win $40k.

~*~*~*

And that's all she wrote.

i have a new game

Beginners (sic) Game for Investing

Yes, I know. Somewhere in Texas is a missing apostrophe. Anyway.

Last night I signed up for my own portfolio with MarketWatch's Virtual Stock Exchange, a fabulous way to (virtually) dive headfirst into the wonderful world of day trading. There's no membership fee: you simply create an account and choose a "game" to join. A game is a participant grouping with specified rules (e.g., starting cash of $100k, $10 commission per trade, etc.) and which may or may not have a target demographic such as "students who are currently in college and are interested in learning about investments and the stock market".

Noob that I am, I signed up with the game mentioned above and promptly bought $10k each of eight stocks that I've been eyeing. The games mirror real-life stock market vicissitudes; in the past 24 hours my portfolio has devalued -0.55%, and I am currently ranked 5268 (of 7728). I don't think it's too shabby for a first day. Dollarwise my biggest loser was Palm Inc (PALM), Biovail Corp (BVF) gained the most, and Wal-Mart Stores, Inc. (WMT) was flat. I've since placed two new orders: Allegheny Technologies Inc (ATI) and Nvidia Corp (NVDA).

spam

i came home to 22 emails in my Bulk (Junk) Mail folder. I deleted them and, when the count refreshed, had 65053.

Sixty five thousand, and fifty-three emails. And now I can't open the folder.

I'd tell you to use your common sense, but you obviously don't have any.

Honestly. If you are rounding up petition signatures or calling the FBI about a site like Bonsai Kitten, then what is or isn't being posted up on the Internet is the least of your worries. Here's what your biggest problem is, worded with a double negative so you might understand it better: there ain't no fix for stupid.

You're probably also suing J.K. Rowling for turning your child into a witch. Maybe you initiated a boycott of "Bruce Almighty" on moral grounds (because Heaven forbid that the Almighty should be in a comedy starring Jim Carrey), and wrote impassioned letters to your PTA newsletter and the local daily about the dangers of fairytales (too violent), "Rock-a-Bye, Baby" (ditto), and Sponge-Bob Squarepants - since everyone knows that Patrick will turn your toddler gay.

If you cannot differentiate between parody and DIY instruction, fantasy and recruitment, creativity and corruption, here's a quote for you, from honest Abe:

'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."
- Abraham Lincoln

toned down

Using Revlon Colorsilk #30 Dark Brown ($2.97 at Wal-Mart), I dyed my 7-month-old highlights to match my natural brown-black roots. It looks quite nice, if i do say so myself -- healthier sans the light-and-dark bands. I didn't distribute the color evenly, and so there are some lighter streaks, breaking up the unnaturally solid color that cheap all-over haircolor can give. I also added a few face-framing layers: bangs curling to meet my lips, and a second chin-length layer.

It's midnight and Cocoa's stretched out, fast asleep, on the carpet between our computer chairs. Patrick's playing CounterStrike. I should get some shuteye: I'm looking at an eight-day stretch this coming workweek, as Texas' tax-free weekend starts on Friday.

Tonight's Iron Chef battle was rather interesting: Iron Chef Morimoto vs. Seattle's Tom Douglas in Battle Salmon.

I want sushi. And sashimi. And crispy fish skins.

~*~*~*~

Speaking of sales...


Kenneth Cole has a fabulous men's shirt on sale for a great price: the Lawn Party shirt is only $26.99 from $128. Available in Cyan (L, XL, XXL) and Rusty (M, XL, XXL) while supplies last. Via Omiru.com.



I'm no bag lady, but I really like this Christian Louboutin Venus Satin Clutch. $891.22 at Net-a-Porter. Via The Purse Blog.

there are thoughts you should not have,

there are feelings you cannot own.
you scribble illegibly through a dozen college-ruled notebooks,
one following the other into cardboard boxes
never to be revisited.

it's as if you're trying to leave it all behind.

Monday affirmations

or they will be, in two weeks' time.

I am in control of my life. I take responsibility for my moods and actions. I do not blame others, or circumstances. I do not worry about things beyond my control. I focus on the things I can do something about.

- from the "Seven Habits(TM) Profile"

is it saturday already?

it's strange how time seems to take on a new dimension when not bound by schedules. Saturday is here too soon, though the days drag on seemingly endlessly. Strange too how an un-updated blog seems to echo the last line, as though nothing else happened in the last few days, as though nothing existed in my world except that final, resounding thought.

Thank you for the concern and the suggestions, the digital substitutes for chicken soup much appreciated.

I'm alright. Watched "Waking Life" again, since Richard Linklater's new movie is out. Between that and another slog-through of "Seven Habits", I may just pull through again.

I can't stop thinking about the Marc Jacobs monochromes. If they were on sale for $100 I might stretch the budget a bit, but at $350 they're purely aspirational.

There are two birdlings huddled under the neighbors' carport. They've been there since last night. They can both fly a bit -- just a few feet, enough to get out of Cocoa's way. Their family came to visit this morning: five birds twice the size of the refugees, dipping and swooping in and out of the carport, apparently urging the pair to follow suit. I hope the relatives bring provisions.

on happiness, ephemeral and elusive

I'm home alone again.

Once more I've begun another housebound vacation, with only Cocoa as my constant companion. With nothing to drown out the noise in my head, I have no choice but to face my hypocrisies and contradictions.

I call it my native sadness. I reach for depressing thoughts the way an alcoholic reaches for the bottle: because I must, because I just need one more to fix things, because I'm just oh-so-sad-and-confused, because things are difficult right now, because I can stop anytime and one more won't hurt, because i wouldn't be me without it...because, because, because.

Because I'd rather be unhappy.
Because sad = deep, and familiar.
Because happy takes too much work, is corny, and not realistic/sensible/meaningful anyway.

I think maybe that true happiness is the feeling that one deserves to be happy, that one has made the best possible use of one's gifts and circumstances, talents and opportunities. When you have earned your achievements, fulfilled your potential, maybe then...

The way things are, the way I am, it's never gonna happen for me.

Something's gotta give.

a winning day

trivial things, but i really enjoy little unexpected presents.

Today I won:
$13 in the lottery
2 Movie Cash tickets from Dole
Vaseline Intensive Care Renewal, 6.8 oz. from Allure magazine

I also got the Coach Sophia loafer in fuchsia. Pix tomorrow, I think.

I tried placing a library hold for "Organizing from the inside out"; apparently one of their copies is lost?

get it right, people.

Because you do not google with yahoo.

Brand names

Unless your stuff are branded, do not call them...

Havaianas; they're just flip-flops.
Q-Tips; it says cotton swabs on the box.
Xerox machines; they're photocopiers.
Palm Pilots; they're PDAs. Or maybe your Pilot 1000 from '96 is still alive and clicking?
Cokes: I think you mean sodas or softdrinks. As in, "Pabili ng Coke: isang Pepsi, at isang Sprite." (I'll have some Cokes please: a Pepsi and a Sprite.) This seems to be a universal error. A friend from South Africa told me that they do the exact same thing over there.

RAS syndrome (Redundant Acronym Syndrome syndrome)

Please don't say:
ATM machine
PIN number
HIV virus

"SWAT team" (for Special Weapons and Tactics) is perfectly legitimate.
And no, I'm not asking you to do anything I don't do myself.

my zappos wishlist

Photos courtesy of Zappos Couture. Sale prices valid thru Friday, 7/21.

Christian Lacroix blue suede pump

A beautiful shoe in a luxurious shade.
$91.95 from $453.95. Size 37 (US 6.5W/7N) only.

Donna Karan T-strap

I love the contrast of lamé on suede.
$115.95 from $573.95. Size 37.5 (US 7)

Giuseppe Zanotti D'Orsay

Interesting details: an intricate leaf pattern on the vamp, and a tortoiseshell heel.
$444.95 from $554.95. Whole sizes 6 to 10, and 7.5

Marc Jacobs monochrome peep toe

How 60s! I especially like the black ribbon lining the back, like the back seam on stockings.
$353.95 . Most sizes from 4.5 to 10.

hausfrau

We didn't know until yesterday what Patrick's schedule would be, and mine was made three weeks in advance so our off-days don't match anymore. Having Patrick away at work while I stay here has me feeling very wifely, and I've spent my day cooking, cleaning and doing laundry.

Patrick comes home for lunch when I'm here. Lunch was pot roast, and dinner will be chili, which I've got simmering on the stove right now. It's hot, and Cocoa's bored. I think there's something wrong with our a/c. Patrick put in a service request this morning, but no one's stopped by yet.

It's very odd spending the entire day with Cocoa, with no one else here, and no TV or computer game in the background. She farts a lot. Or, a lot more than I realized. She also lays down on the carpet and looks doleful as you sit at the computer, sneaking glances every so often to see if she's having an effect.

patrick's found a new job!

He started this week. It's basically providing tech support for area hotel franchises, and the perfect combination of his background in computers and the hotel industry.

unsexy

If ever i were to be ambushed by Stacy and Clinton of TLC's "What Not to Wear", it probably would have been today. I just went out in public in a cami-and-short set with red hearts. Well, not really. I dropped off a little something from Cocoa at the DogiPot station on the other side of our apartment building, and I threw an oversize T-shirt on my cutesy ensemble. The shirt was given to me by Luz that time that I sat on her damp passenger seat and soaked up spilled coffee that left a decidedly...organic smear across the seat of my khakis. Now that I think about it, it was almost a year ago, during inventory. The front of the tee reads "Jackson Hewitt Tax Service", and the back says, "If the IRS takes the shirt off your back, Jackson Hewitt will give you theirs". Very unsexy.

Which is just as well, since that's been the mood of late. I don't feel like working out, or eating right. My little tummy is marshmallowy and my thighs are pillowy. Last night I decided to do my nails for the first time in ages. It took me three hours and only my left hand turned out presentable.

Wore my little navy skirtsuit with the gold pinstripe to work today, with a red cami to match my "Revlon Red" nails, and my gold caged peep-toes to match the pinstriping and suit details. I also blew my hair out straight and should have felt sssssmokin'; instead I felt overdone and wilted in the Texas heat.

i am so angry today, i have a headache.

Or maybe, I have such a headache, i'm angry. I don't know. I don't like being angry. I'm unaccustomed to it. And so I transmute it as best I can into something I do know and understand well: sadness.

I'm gonna have some strawberries and yogurt, and then a nap.

Half-price shoes!

Via Shoewawa.

Half-price wet-weather wonders:


Kate Spade rubber loafers, $77.95 from $128.95 at Zappos Couture




Sigerson Morrison rubber skimmers, $59.99 from $125 at Bloomie's



Fabulous Fendi:


















Fendi velvet pump, $195 from $395 at eLuxury.

my Spanish mirror blog

I've been sporadically teaching myself Spanish, and a major hurdle has been that I'm unable to practice the language on a daily basis. And so I've created a mirror blog, "Blog espejo de faerah". Theoretically, if i blog daily and use Babelfish to translate each post into Spanish, in time my Spanish will improve. That, or my English will devolve to my Spanish level.

hungover

i don't know why i blog. I just do. It makes my life googleable, for my own personal reference.

Capped off last night with some Shiner Bock, and went to work irritable this morning. I gave Mike a piece of my mind about yesterday's six-day-old modulars, citing responsibilities as a department manager, and the fact that i really, really don't appreciate a last-minute dash to clean up what someone else had the entire week to do.

He listened patiently through it all, and as I wound down he mentioned that Stephen talked about my 7-day-old mods during the morning meeting. "...but he probably saw mine and thought they were yours."

Nope. They were mine. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I am such a hypocrite.

I got them done within the next two hours. And spent most of today apologizing to Mike. Not because I offended him in any way -- he'd brushed it off two minutes into my tirade, i think -- but because I'd been bratty little Miss Perfect throwing rocks from within my glass house. Bloody fucking hell. Pahiya na naman ako sa sarili ko.

4th of july weekend

yesterday i walked Cocoa at 8:30 p.m., and it was as though I were on Mars. The pink sunset tinged everything rose.

Alex said I looked...different, in jeans. I think that was a compliment.

Some guy asked where to find something and as I leaned slightly and pointed to the shoe polish he leaned toward me too and looked at me over his shades. Here's a hint, buster: being cute only works if you actually are cute to begin with.

Friday, 30 minutes before I had to go home, I was told I needed to set 20 feet of backpacks. Yesterday, my assistant manager said she wanted my bin cleared of open packages: a week-long project (if i did solely that) she was asking that I finish in two days, basically, on top of the usual freight/zoning/BAM screen. Today, an hour and a half before I needed to clock out, 6-day-old modulars (not mine) came to light. I left work almost an hour late.

I was standing in line at the checkouts and a guy and a girl in front of me got to know each other. No, not in that way. He mentioned he was new to the area and was looking for a friendly church to get involved in. She recommended hers and gave her name so he could look her up on myspace. Myspace.

It's surprising how many people go to church. I didn't realize I was in such a minuscule minority.